Click here to 'meet' the posters on this board

19 years ago

We all bring so much to this board, and with so many different perspectives.....we're steps and bios, children and parents....just thought it would be nice to have a place to get a "snapshot" of each other

So, here's the place to get the "basics" on fellow posters.

Post a follow-up if you care to "introduce" yourself.

*I pasted the responses from those of you who replied on the other thread.

-----------------------------------------------------------

mmommy:

Married 8 years

SS 19

SD 17

BioS 5

My first marriage, his second.

He divorced 4 years before meeting me and is 9 years older than me.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Posted by jerseystepmom (My Page) on Mon, Apr 30, 07 at 13:44

My info is: jerseystepmom

Married (2 years)

Second marriage (divorced long time ago, no kids)

StepS 16 (lives with his Dad and me full time)

StepD 20 (away at college)

No bio kids

Age: 45

-----------------------------------------------------------

Posted by coolmama (My Page) on Mon, Apr 30, 07 at 14:45

Coolmama:

Married 10 years

StepD 18 years old

Step D 18 years old

StepD 15 years old

BioD 9 years old

age:30 (just turned in Jan!)

----------------------------------------------------------

Posted by sweeby (My Page) on Mon, Apr 30, 07 at 16:17

OK - Here's mine -

Sweeby:

Married 13 years - (2nd marriage for both)

StepS - 33 (yikes! Lived with us for ~18 months as an adult)

StepD - 26 (with daughter, 7)

BioS - 16 (mine; lives with BioDad and StepMom for last 3 years)

BioS - 11 (ours; autistic)

Age - mid 40's (that's close enough!)

My EvilEx - (narcisisstic personality disorder - damaged goods, manipulative)

StepMom - (Married to EvilEx for 4 years. Thank goodness for her and I wish her well!)

DH's Ex - Possible borderline; probable alcoholic. (Makes me look good to the SKids)

-----------------------------------------------------------

Posted by cawfecup (My Page) on Mon, Apr 30, 07 at 17:39

Cawfecup

This is my first marriage his 3rd (eeks) (18 months)

I was in a relationiship for 15 years. He left for TOW he is still with her (7 yrs). When he left I didn't know whether to send her a thank you card or sympathy card. I am over it now :). We get along better now than ever.

I have 2 children

Daughter 22 lives on her own.

Son 15 lives with BD and SM.

Hubby has 4 children

First wife 1 Daughter

-BM abandoned daughter when she was 4 years old. Hasn't heard from her mother since she was 8. (BM drug and alchohol problems)

Second wife 3 children

(most of my posts are about her and the 11 yr old)

son 11, Son 9, daughter 8

We have his 4 children full-time. My son visits on the weekends. I am a SAHSM. aka. maid, cook, nanny, babysitter, chauffuer, referee, therapist.

I am a child of divorce...but no step-parents. In my parents divorce the children got custody of the house. My parents moved in and out on a weekly basis they shared an apartment and a house with 5 children. Seven years after my parents divorced they got back together. My father was given 6 weeks to live and my mother said come live with us he survived another 2 years.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (46)

cylince
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I met my 1st son's father in 7th. We 'hooked up' in 10th grade one time & what do u know? At age 17 I had a son. We only stayed together for a year then split. I met some1 else & was with him for 5 years. We had a child(when I was 21) but ended up putting him up 4 adoption. He is 4 now & lives in North Carolina. Broke up with him & got married. (at age 23) We have 2 boys,ages 1 & 2,& I am 5 months pregnant. We r getting a divorce though. So far,my 2 year old is staying with him,but only til I get a place 2 stay. I am now 27 years old,my husband is 23. ( yes,I know I know,so young)My parents have been divorced since I was 2. (my bio dad is an abuser & molester)I'm still close with my mom who is finally getting remarried.
Vivian Kaufman
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I'm Vivian.
Age: 42
Married to my husband for 6 years--second time for both of us.
Stepmom to girl 16 and boy 13, although they are MUCH MUCH more than "just" my stepkids. They split time between their mother's house and here--doing a lot of coming and going, although spending the majority of the school year with mom, who is a schoolteacher.

Not a bad relationship with his ex-wife and her husband--mostly because we do a lot of ignoring of each other...LOL
Related Discussions
Snap, Click Click
Q
Comments (19)
Oh my. You've really set off an avalanche of memories with that post, Sharon. Much of it is about my late brother who was far, far more advanced than I with electronics and had a degree in photography as well. He was several years younger, so it was I who initially sparked his interest with my modest sound system and radio projects. He then went on to surpass my electronics knowledge by a huge amount and convinced me to get my ham license. My brother and I started listening to short wave broadcasts on my Grandmothers floor model Zenith whenever we visited. I still have that radio. My brother, who was a private pilot, liked listening to aircraft and also various utility bands such as the shipping ones you mentioned and ones used by railroads. Too bad so much is encoded these days. That takes a lot of the fun out of it. You must have heard those mysterious "number stations" where someone reads lists of numbers in groups of, I think, five numbers. I never found out what was going on with those. Do you know? Some people speculated they were for transmitting information to spies. Whose spies that would be, I have no idea. BTW, as a Canadian you may be interested that I, my brother and one or two of my sisters were dedicated listeners to the CBC. Their programming was far richer and more varied than any U.S. radio at that time. We were always comparing notes on what had been broadcast on various programs. I was very up-to-date on Canadian politics back then. You met your husband via ham radio, eh? That's quite a story. Yes, CQ is still published. I picked up a copy recently to catch up on what has developed during my hiatus from ham radio. I'm glad we met up on this thread. It may be the spark I needed to practice my code and pick up where I left off. I have a nice HF rig which ought to be put back in use and I have a Heathkit HW-9 (hot water 9) for QRP which I acquired with the day in mind I could operate CW. I always thought it would be fun to operate from a beach with a portable mast and solar power on QRP. Yeah, present day transceivers have new, advanced features but I think I can be very happy with what I have. Jim P.S. So as not to be so rude to non-hams, here is a glossary of a few terms: CW - Morse code DX - Distance DXCC - DX Century Club (for those who have made and confirmed contacts with 100 countries) QSL - a contact QSL card - a post card with information confirming a contact (or just reception in the case of SW broadcasts) QRP - low power (5 watts or less) CQ - calling anyone who is listening (also a ham magazine by that name) HF - high frequency SWL - short wave listening YL - young lady (a female of any age) OM - old man (a male of any age) SSB - single side band (one of the modes of transmission, along with FM, AM, RTTY, etc.)
...See More
Formal Introductions: I am the poster child of 'DON'T'
Q
Comments (22)
LOL @fori! So glad my angst is providing inspiration for someone. Seriously! At the least, "Don'ts" provide cautionary tales for people to learn from. Sometimes even in fairytale form. :) Yes, my aunt's place is in Florida, so palms are a bit more suited there. It is interesting to note, though, that her palms are actually potted out on her patio, not in the ground. I wish I had current pics of the backyard, but oh well. It gives the idea, just think cedar wood tones instead of redwood and orange. Add an arbor and a big yellow structure. You are almost there. lol I did some checking earlier on code for outlet heights and spacing, but I think I might have just looked at national code. I suppose I should add that to my list of things to confirm pre-header. Gads, this is so backwards! *swoon* My original designs were going for that tall wall of storage with fridge, pantry and perhaps a microwave in the mix, but the dimensions ended up being really tight AND it made working with that corner of the L even more tricky. I really do love that look and envy those of you who are lucky enough to have it. I'm just not sure it's made for people with small kitchens like mine! It means having all of those other appliances crammed on one wall - or going back to a sink or stove on the small island. And now that we are looking more and more at having the fridge or the pantry on the far left of the exterior run and I'm open to putting in pantry in the DR area, I'm just not sure it's the way to go. I do like the stove having its own wall and how the latest options do open up the L with counter space. There's so many ways to go here. Hopefully that means I'll be happy with the option we eventually choose. It is just so incredibly difficult to lock in on the BS window location and height with all of these unknowns. I keep telling myself that pushing it into that corner will not lock me in and I'll have lots of options left if I want to tweak. Right now, it's the BS window height that is giving me fits. How the heck I can lock in on that when we don't even have any material decisions made, I don't know. This is dicier than I think is prudent, but I can't seem to stop this train. That window is going in. Soon. And I'm going to need luck + clarity or magic blue pills. I have these images of me being back 3 months from now, posting to GW about how the heck to make (fill in the blank) work given the window. :D
...See More
Floor plan input before architect meeting
Q
Comments (21)
Regarding the "You need an architect" angle, as with most things in the wacky world, it's very hard to neatly categorize an endeavor in a "one size fits all" assessment. There's all kinds of levels of inherent design talent among the owners here, from outstanding to horrible. And likely most of those who post their designs here think they fit into the former design talent category. And it's not just here, I deal with that sitting across a table from owners separated only from them by a pencil a scale and a roll of bumwad. In that setting of course, those folks have actually gone to an architect where I think here a minority of those who write "need input before meeting architect" actually end up seeing an architect, exceptions of course and Pardo might very well be one. And here I'm thinking of the word "architect" as describing somebody who's creative, not a person who will size the steel beams although an architect will do that too. Some may genuinely be thinking that when they write that they will be going to an architect but never get around to it. Others may have no intention of doing so but want it to look like they're seriously approaching the task of spending a healthy six figures of their money the best way possible. Here, I generally steer clear of offering comment to the folks who post their designs where it's thought out right down to where that narrow but tall kitchen cabinet will be to store the cookie sheets. In an impersonal setting like here it's always very difficult to get someone thinking differently, but especially so when such detailed thinking has gone into their design. And of course often the TIME ITSELF spent on the task becomes THE reason for not considering other solutions "But we've spent a lot of time on this!".........the fact that the result of that effort "sucks" (I don't use that word either Mark!) becomes secondary. So with all that said, for those who really ARE going to talk to someone creative, I think it's counter productive to put too much thought into the minutia of the design. The detailed preconceived ideas might likely end up being counter productive to being open about other thinking. I remind my own clients of this by thoughts of two creative people.... Steve Jobs observed “A lot of times, people don't know what they want until you show it to them. Everyone wanted an iPhone when they first appeared, but no one could have described what they wanted before seeing one". And Henry Ford mused "If I had asked people what they wanted they would have told me "A faster horse". A good architect, while still sizing the beams correctly and finding a nice spot for those pesky cookie sheets, will also lead the way through the intangibles of creating a great solution in the spirit of Mr. Ford and Mr. Jobs.
...See More
1st Time Poster, Please help: Subzero/Wolf vs. Thermador vs. KA vs. ??
Q
Comments (53)
Yes! We got it sorred out. So it turned out to be a loose circuit breaker. It was the new sub panel put in for our kitchen reno. We had some electrical work done and hired an electrician tonadd some recessed lighting. He ran it back to the new subpanel and he comes up from the basement nd asks if we were having problems with the stove. I said yes. He said he noticed the breaker wasnt seated properly. It was making a connection but just barely. He popped it out and popped it back in and sure enough I went and ran that oven at 500 for an hour with no issues. The cause imo was the weak current was causing the computer to think there was a fan issue. An anomaly. Want to say we have since moved and it was a relief to be able to have that taken care of. I will buy Thermdor again! They did send us a new range (after repeated service calls). So would so donit again
...See More
southernsummer
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I'm SouthernSummer

Married to second husband for 8 years.

My first husband (my ex-) left for TOW 12 years ago, when I was pregnant with our second child. He never remarried.

My husband has 2 children from his first marriage.
SD - age 21 in college
SS - age 25 in college, soon to graduate and move to an apartment about 1 hour away.

My husband's ex-wife and my ex-husband are sources of conflict intermittently.

My husband had been divorced for 10 years when we met.

My children live with us:
D - age 13
S - age 11

My husband is retired. I work more than full time at my own business.
vistajpdf
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I'm Dana, a 43 y.o. dentist in S. Florida, married for 10 years to my 61 y.o. husband, also a dentist.

He has 3 grown children: son, 26, MIA for 3 years, lived w/ us for a couple of years in his late teens, early 20's. He is gay, uncomfortable w/ it though we've always been supportive. Despite being a straight A student, his grades began to suffer and he dropped out or failed out of college after 6 years. We've only recently stopped supporting him w/ a car, but still pay his cell phone in hopes he'll call us again....We aren't positive exactly where he is right now, try to guess from cell bills. He won't work or go to school. I fear a chem. dependency.

Older daughter, 24, living w/ us (see earlier post - lots of issues w/ this and the reason I started coming for support.)

Younger daughter, 22, graduating college next week, lives w/ her bf, moving here soon.

We have 3 sons, 7, almost 5 and almost 3.

My first marriage, his second. His ex is now a religious fanatic, though it is better than before when she was a very devious woman. She cheated on my husband for years, then after they separated and the bf dumped her, my husband and I dated (5 days before divorce was final - he was out of their house for 1 y 8 m). She told the kids I was the reason they divorced, didn't level w/ them for years, but finally told the truth. Sadly, my relationship w/ them suffered due to the horrible start.
bunglogrl
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
18 years - second time around for both of us

SS - 23
SD - 20
we had them summers and some holidays when they were younger, less and less as they grew up

I'm 45, no bio kids.

A LOT of conflict between DH and biomom (both hotheads). Disengagement is my middle name. I stay out of their drama (mostly) and provide a shoulder for him to cry on. I never really participated in the upbringing of his children - but I was upfront about that so he knew what to expect going in.
nytefyre
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
nytefyre: 42 on May 5th
together 10 years, married for 8
Second marriage for both of us.

Bio D (mine) 23 two granddaughters
Bio S 20 (mine)
Step D 18
Step S 17 (whackjob, does not live with us)
Bio S 17 (mine)
Bio D 8 (ours)

Great relationship with my ex. My kids love my DH. I love my step daughter very much, she is in no way shape or form truly a step. I'm the only mom she's ever known. For the most part we are a great family, other than the issues, I've posted previously. Someday I know we'll all be a loving large family.

My DH and I are both computer geeks. Full time jobs and at home. =)
happymrsf
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Happy Mrs.F - almost 40 from Southern California
stepmother and stepchild
Married 17 years, together for 22 years
Me: first marriage, hubby: second marriage
StepDaughter - 24 (still at home)
StepSon - 22 (MIA- last I heard in jail)
BioDaughter - 9
BioSon - 3

I was 18 when I met DH and became instant SM. Lots of conflict with DH's Ex in early years. Ex and her boyfriend (who was abusive) were on drugs, welfare, and homeless at times. We fought and got custody of kids. SS could not handle having rules, going to school, responsibilities, and stable home..also felt like he needed to protect his mommy, left after a few years of making our life hell! BioMom turned him onto meth. Have not had contact with SS in years. I won't have him around my little ones. SD is a good girl, still living at home, works and goes to school.

Early years were very, very difficult. Especially the custody battle, 25K spent just to have SS leave after a few years. I did not think I would survive, but I did! SD has sporatic contact with BioMom, who is still messed up. It is such joy that we no longer have to have deal with her, but kinda fun to hear all her drama since it no longer effects us! SD tells me how glad she is that we got her away from BioMom because SD knows she would have had a horrible life. BioMom still tries to make SD feel guilty for living with us. I tell SD that she is just jealous because SD has car, job, home, and BioMom does not.

I am here hoping that I can help others with some of my past experiences and/or knowledge. I wish I would have had a place to vent my frustrations and get advice, but there was no such thing as internet forums in my day!
sunnygardenerme
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
sunnygardenerme:
Married 3 years. Together for 6 years going on 7 years
SD 25
SD 22
I have no bio children.

Second marriage for both.
He divorced 2 years before meeting me and is 1 year older than me. I divorced 2 years befor meeting him. He was married for 19 years prior to his divorce and I was married 18 years prior to my divorce. Both our Xs wanted out and had affairs.

-----------------------------------------------------------
sunnygardenerme
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Oops made a mistake. It should read "SS 22". I have one SD 25 and one SS 22.
blessedmomx9
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Hi I am blessedmomx9.

Me-34
DH-36
DD-18
DS-16
DS-15
SS-14
SD's (twins)13
DS-12
SS-10
SD-8

This is both of our second marriages. We have been together for five years and married for three of them. We feel so blessed to have found each other and to have such a wonderful family. We don't have any children together yet. I don't know if anyone remembers but the reason I first came here was because of questions over my DH and I having a child together. I am happy to say that we both have decided that we would like to add another blessing to our family. It won't be immediate as my husband has to have a reversal but we are currently working on that.

I can't think of anything else right now. I have the crazy ex stories but they are not anything unusual here. If anyone has any questions please feel free to ask.

I haven't been here as frequent since baseball season started. Seven out of our nine play and all seven are on different teams....YIKES! Good thing we love baseball!!
God Bless
jessegirl
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
jessegirl
37 y/o
no Biokids
2nd marriage: 1 yr (together for 5 yrs)
1st marriage: 9 yrs (no children)
DH: 2nd marriage, 1st marriage for 8 yrs.
SS 14
SS 13
Have custody of 14 y/o SS, 13 y/o SS lives with BM.
Lot's of drama with the BM.
I have disengaged from her, but I can't from the children. When I married my husband, the boys were part of the package. They are wonderful kids!
Ashley
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Alright, here are my stats...I'm suprised that some of you are just a few years older than me with all of this responsibility and heartache.

I'm 28, single, never been married. I am a SD and have a rather difficult relationship with my SM.

My parents divorced when I was 13 and my dad started dating SM when I was 15. They moved in toghether and married when I was 16 (I think). So I guess they have been married for 12 years or so. I have an older brother who is 31. My mom has never remarried although we did live with her x-boyfriend for a few years before moving from Colorado to Georgia. She has began dating her High School sweetheart about 2 years ago and he lives with her now. I like him very much. I have a boyfriend of 3 years and hopefully am getting close to my own walk down the isle. Neither of us have any children.
cawfecup
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
bump
norcalgirl78
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Greetings...29 years old, from Northern California, currently living on the east coast. My parents divorced when I was 8 and my brother was 5. My mom has never remarried, and my father dated SM for 9 years before they finally married when my brother and I were both in our early 20s and out of the house(s). I have a difficult relationship with my SM but am good with both the folks.

Currently dating (and soon to be engaged to and living with) a wonderful man, 38 years old, with two DDs ages 8 and 4. I enjoy spending time with them when I can (they live several states away with their mom and SD) and I am good terms with the BM. I have learned a lot from this forum, various books and most importantly...what not to do from my own SM. Stay tuned...
hecallsmemom
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I'm Nina.
I'm 29 and will start counting backwards in July, then I'll be 28. ;)
DH is 37.
Married 2 years, together 1 1/2, friends for 3 years before that. Total time as a couple 3 1/2 years.
SD is 13 (lives with us.)
My son is 11 (lives with us part of the time by his choice.)

My 2nd Marriage, DH's 3rd. I have DS with ex-hubby, and DH has DD with ex-gf, no kids with previous wives. We tried for a child together and had a full term stillbirth 2 years ago, not sure about trying again. We have considered adoption, but have almost dismissed the idea of other children because of problems with SD and MIL (his mother).

DH was a child of divorce. Raised by BM, has not seen BD in over 20 years. BM has been married 5 other times, and is still with Hubby #6. DH and his SD do not see eye to eye.

I was also a child of divorce. BM cheated on dad repeatedly and finally left when I was 8. Dad remarried 5 years after divorce. I grew up split between BM and Dad's house. Get along well with BM & dad. SM is ok, but very odd (crazy cat lady odd).
imamommy
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I'm Sharon, I am 38

My parents were married for 19 years and had 4 children. I am the third. Neither has had children with anyone else.

I am a child of divorce
My parents divorced when I was 13. (Mom cheated and an alcoholic but I stayed with her and I'm a co-dependent I guess) Mom had her "lover" move in while dad paid the rent and bills(as support) I got along fairly well with him. I went to school with his other children & had to deal with them hating me for my mom being with their dad. [side note: Mom called me a couple of days ago to tell me her "lover" from back then, died on December 1st. They broke up many years ago]

I am a stepdaughter
My dad remarried when I was 17. I got along with my step mom the best (out of my dad's 4 kids). Her and I both worked for different social services agencies and had a lot in common. I liked her but my mom made me feel guilty for that. She was a marriage and family therapist and 10 years ago, my step mom had a brain aneurysm. She's been in a vegetative state since and I take care of her when my dad is working. Her own children (she has a daughter, two sons and a step son she raised) abandoned her years ago. My dad's devotion to her (and my mom) has taught me a lot about what marriage vows mean.

I am bio mom
My Son-21 next month; The circumstances of his conception are too hard to talk about and I will leave it as I never had a relationship with his father. He met him when he was 4 and the court gave him visitation. He exercised it (I believe to torment me) until my son was 12, when he just ended all contact. My son had a step mom that, as far as my son says, treated him well. She treated me terribly. Both have since done time in prison and I don't have any contact with them. My son's relationship with them is up to him. I stay out of it. My son just moved back home with us to get his life on track.

My Son-18 I dated his father (we worked together) and he stopped dating me before I found out I was pregnant. His father has never been a part of his life. Due to legal issues, parentage was just determined in November. (we are awaiting a court ruling on back child support) My son finished HS a year early thanks to homeschooling & in his 2nd year in college. He lives with us full time;

My Daughter-17 Her father stepped in when I was left pregnant with my son. He was a friend from high school that wanted to "take care of me" but within a few months of my son's birth, he split (got another girl pregnant too), leaving me pregnant as well. He disappeared and we just found him a couple of years ago, living in Texas. He's got over 8 kids out there and not supporting any of them. I tried to get him to see his daughter & would give up the arrears he owes but he left the state. She is a senior being home schooled. She also helps care for my step mom when I can't. I had a tubal ligation after she was born.

I was a live in girl friend
I had a 7 year relationship where I raised my ex's three children (through grade school years). We didn't have any children, but I had an ectopic pregnancy with him. When he made me drive myself to the hospital, I knew it was over and I left him. The experience taught me about raising someone else's children. His ex wife was not involved at all.

I was a single parent
For about 6 years, before I met my husband. I was the sole financial support for three teens and I let rules slide and was inconsistent. It wasn't working for us. (it was when I was a single parent, that I nearly died. I had decided before I got ill, I would wait until my kids were grown to get married. I didn't want them to have to deal with a step dad telling them what to do. However, it wasn't a stable situation for any of us and I decided that I wanted to have a family situation, for them as much as for me. I think they needed more stability and structure. I needed adult companionship and help in creating stability & structure.) As single parents, we tend to talk to our kids about adult issues or our problems and we should really have adult friends or companions for that.

I am married (my husband is also 38) for a year, together three years (my first marriage, his first "legal" one: He was "married" for a year but found out the license was never filed with the clerk) He got together with his daughter's mom shortly after his "marriage" ended and she got pregnant right away. He never married her because she's still married to her first husband (Divorce pending for 11 years)

My husband's parents are still happily married (almost 40 years) and are an inspiration to what marriage is all about. They're great.

I am a step mom
Step Daughter-8 Lives with us when her mom ran off to live with new BF she just met and she visits her mom on 1st three weekends ea. month (when it's convenient for her mom) We get no support from her. She provides plenty of headaches.

Most of my opinions are strong. I've had a lot of painful life experiences, including molest, rape, alcohol issues, divorce, infidelity, and abuse. I'm sure I have "issues", especially with my mom. I love her but it's not always easy. After I nearly died a few years ago, I decided that life is what we make it and it can end at any moment. I don't want to waste it being unhappy, so I let a lot of things go that used to bother me. When I have a gripe, I like to vent (which is why I came here), let it out and let it go. I learn from life and don't like to dwell on the past things I can't change. The "mistakes" in my past were the steps I climbed to be who I am today, which I am happier with than the person I was 20 years ago. I could have taken a different path but then I don't know if I would be as content with my life as I am today. I don't believe in regrets, they are a waste of time.

I worked in social services for 10 years, seeing and dealing with other people's issues, and in some ways it was therapeutic for me. I go to see a counselor if I need it. My step mom and I used to have wonderful talks and I learned a lot from her wisdom. I take classes on subjects I want to understand; I've taken Child development, Marriage & Family, Psychology, Human Sexuality, Human Services, Alcohol & other Drugs, Life Span Development, Sociology, and Family Law. (I've taken other classes related to business & legal profession but the ones I list have helped me a great deal in my personal life) After getting married, my husband and I have taken two parenting classes. One geared just for step families, the other for co-parents. Both were very helpful.
mom23kidz
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
1 DD was never married and 3 bios so i guess i am the bio mom and not really know why I am here or maybe this is the perfect place to be.....
who better to help than step parents.
bpts_chick
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
bpts_chick

2nd marriage for both of us
I have no kids of my own
3 SD's (21, 17, 14)
2 SS's (16, 11)

Thankfully the children have accepted me as a part of the family, and other than the "typical" teenager issues (defiance, trying to find their own personality, etc) we've been very blessed. I have been very blessed as a stepmom.

There are issues with the BM, always, but nothing we can't deal with, at least with the help of a good attorney.
finedreams
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I am 41
I am divorced for a very long time...16 years or so.

I never remarried, dated of course and had relationships but no cohabitation.

one DD- 19. She is a freshman in college. Good kid, very independent, and very smart, sometimes too smart...lol

Until a month ago my daughter had a SM. My exH, who is a good father but is obviously a restless womanizer hahah, just left his wife of 9 years for TOW. Prior to his wife he lived with a woman for 5 years. Well now he is on the fourth one total..So our daughter has no SM at this point. My X has a son from the second marriage that my DD loves very much.

I currently am in a serious relationship and my BF has two spoiled daughters-26 and 19. My reason to join this forum was my feeling that both me and my BF are unprepared to be in a relationship with children- even with grown ones.

My parents have been married for 42 years and still are married. I have no experience with stepparents.

I am a teacher and an artist.

Oh and I just finished graduate school this week. Very tired...
nannybee
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Hi, everybody,
I am Nannybee:

Age 45
Dual-career person: pediatric therapist and preschool teacher (Montessori certified)

One bio-son (22) from first husband

Married 4.5 years to darling second husband (his second time around too)

Dear hubby was married to BM for ten years, an era he describes as "H-E-double-hockey-sticks"

We have custody of DH's two kids, girl 15 and boy 9 who visit mom EOW plus one night a week

We believe BM has Narcissistic Personality Disorder with some Borderline features (not officially diagnosed nor treated because so far she always backs out of obtaining services and blames her probx on everyone else), so in comparison to her, DH sees quirky ol' me as the sweetest thing ever. Ha!

(Nice to meet you all!)
pwrgrl
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Hello!
I'm pwrgrl, I'm 39 living in CA
My third marriage, his second - DH is 54
SS 24 - Married and extremely materialistic with an attitude
SD 21 - Naive, immature, treated like she's 12 by family
No children of my own
I was a child who prayed my parents would divorce, but they never did. Father was an abusive alocholic, mother a martyr and enabler. One brother who has clinical depression and bi-polar, no wonder.
My husband and I were friends for 10 years, found ourselves going through divorces, so I asked him out one day. BM spread rumors that we had an affair and is bitter, not liking that I'm 15 years younger.
Get along fine with SKs, but disagree with some of the thing that go on.
I'm new at this "step" thing and could use advice!
wimom27
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Hello! I'm WImom27; obviously, living in WI!

I have been married to my wonderful husband for 7 years now! My 3rd marriage; his 2nd marriage.

DD (22)
DS (21)
DD (17)
DD (16)
DD (14)
DSD (13)
DD (12)

We have a pretty successful blended family. The two oldest kids are grown and out on their own starting their own families. The rest of the kids all live with us, as both my DH and I have custody of our children. We are a couple, which means we parent TOGETHER. We discuss issues together and make agreements on things together!

Of course, we have HUGE issues with DSD's BM. We are lucky that we really do not have any issues with my Ex. I had come to this site to hopefully gain some insight into how other people handle/deal with issues similar to our's and to occasionally vent.
toughcookie
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
40-ish

2nd Marriage for both of us

Married 2 years, dated 2 before that.

my 1st - 22 years, ended when I finally got enough strength to leave the emotionally, verbally, mentally, and yes...physically abussive marriage

His 1st - 15 years, ended because his ex must not have been able to remember who she was married to because she started sleeping with his (former) good friend.

SD - 25 married w/ 1 BS
BS - 23 married no children
SS - 23 Single still, after DH and I married he went to live with mommy (he was out on his own a few months before we wed)
BS - 20 Single and in military
BS - 18+ Single and in college, lives ft with us

Biggest hurdles in our marriage, # 1 SD, #2 MIL, #3 SS and the rest of the clan.
lafevem
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I am 32 years old...DH is 52. No, I wasn't the other woman. This is a second marriage for both. We were both divorced over 4 years before we married. We were friends for a long time before we began dating.

We have been married 3 years.

He has a 17 year old DD and a 13 year old DD.

I have a 7 year old DS.

We have a 2 year old DD.
ceph
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I'm going to try to cover the basics of what makes me me. In no particular order:

I'm a 26 yo Canadian woman.

I'm an orphan. My mom died when I was 16, after nearly four years of cancer treatment.

I'm an SD. My dad remarried when I was 18. I've hit some rocky points with my dad and SM, but for the most part, she's great and I like that my dad is happy.
My dad (59) and I are fairly close, but my maternal grandpa (89) and I are closer.

I'm a science graduate student. This means I've been totally broke for the past 6 years and see things through biochemistry goggles.

I'm quite optimistic and not very socionormative - I see no reason to adhere to the norm just because it's the norm. I usually do things the way I think is best, raising a lot of eyebrows along the way. I'm also fairly left-winged.

I'm a sister and stepsister. I'm very close to my sister (34), and fairly close to my two brothers (36 and 38). Like any siblings, we get frustrated with each other, but it always gets ironed out. My BIL and SIL are great, and my exSIL has little effect on my life.
My three stepsisters (37, 33 and 29) live in the next province, so I don't see them much. One is fabulous, one is pretty good, and one is kind of b!tchy but not all bad.

I'm an aunt to four. I have two nephews (8 and 1) and two nieces (6 and 4), and my sister is due in May. I'm very active with all of them.
I'm a step-aunt to three. I have two step-nephews (11 and 8) and a step-niece (1). I like them, but they live in the next province, so I don't see them very often.

I've known my BF (29) for about six years (I think?) and been involved with him for almost a year. We're fuzzy on when we first met and even fuzzier on when we started dating. He's fabulous and it's very serious. This is us on Christmas (http://picasaweb.google.com/cephalin23/Ceph/photo#5151038227664799010).

He has an 8yo son, who isn't biologically his. A__ is a great kid with a big heart and has very severe ADHD (which presents a lot of interesting challenges). When I got involved with my BF, I knew the whole situation with A__ and that he would be a part of my life. I chose to open my heart to him too and am so thankful that I did!

A__'s mom can be a bit of a pain sometimes, but she's not so bad. She doesn't hate me, she mostly justs ignores me. She's not a drug addict or abusive or anything like that, and she loves A__ and wants what's best for him, but is pretty immature and relies quite heavily on others to care for him. So, she doesn't give any major troubles, just some minor frustrations.

I'm mostly here on this board to learn from others' experiences (and often their mistakes), get advice if I want it and chime in with ideas when I can. I also like the occasional debate, so forums are good for that :)
norcalgirl78
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
bump =-)
stepmom40
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
stepmom40

Obviously, I am 40 and work in the legal profession and mortgage lending profession. I work for a father and son, one is an attorney and the other is a mortgage broker.

I am in my second and last marriage. "LOL> 1 BD, 18 in college, 1 BS, 15 in high school.

3 adult stepchildren: 1SD, 27, stay at home mom
1SD, 20 works in the retail business
1SS, 21 works as a night watchman

and 3 1/2 grandchildren 2 1/2 boys "1/2 isnt due till August) and 1 girl.
imamommy
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
bump
ashley1979
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
My name is Ashley and I am 28 (I will be 29 on Thursday) and the mother of a 9 y/o son (DS). I have been with my boyfriend now for over 5 years. He has a 13 y/o daughter (we'll call her FSD) and a 23 y/o son (whom I've never met and lives in another state and will never appear in my stories). We both have been married once; me for 3 years after 3 years of dating and him 7 years after 5 years of dating. We are not currently engaged, but we live together and are making plans for elopement.

His ex-wife is a bit of a challenge. His ex is re-married and they have a daughter together. They make an unGodly amount of money and FSD is really spoiled and materialistic. She just moved (in March 2008) to New Mexico because BM took a job offer there. She is originally from there and now FSD gets to only be around BMs family. BM had FSD call her SD "Dad" because they didn't want to "confuse the baby". Whatever. So she calls her SD "Dad" and my BF feels as though he's intentionally being pushed out of his daughter's life, even though he's one of the most involved and easy-going dads I've ever met. I see it, too and my heart breaks for him. But he didn't even attend his oown divorce hearing or look over the divorce papers before signing them. He gave her Sole Managing Conservatorship and no clause on how far she can move away. Bad move because she's exercised every right she has.

My ex and I are a little different. He was violent and abusive and cheated on me. So I left him in August of 2002. We go almost exactly by the standard divorce decree. He and his GF go to everything that my DS has going on, but pay for none of it. His GF has no kids of her own. She loves my son and is very helpful, but only when BD is around. Originally, she was very hateful to me, but we now get along well enough to attend things together.

I'm sure I will get into all the gritty details in future posts.
sandra_dee221
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Name: sandra_dee221
Age: 38
1st marriage: ended after 10 1/2 years
I have been divorced for 6 years
Living with my BF
BF has been divorced twice: 1st marriage A LONG time ago that only lasted 1 year, 2nd marriage of 7 years ended 1 year ago

Bio D: 16
Bio D: 12
BF S: 4
BF S: 2
pseudo_mom
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Cawfecup's story is similar to mine :) heheh

She could have written my bio for me.
pinkypup
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Hi all, I'm a newbie.

28 years old, stepmom of two kids SS/14 and SD/11.

I'm in Florida.

Been married for just over five years to my hubby. This is his second marriage.

Been dealing with an ex-wife for eight years and I could be labeled as a pro.
quirk
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
also...

Here is a link that might be useful: more people...
doodleboo
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Dana 28 years old

Early Learning Specialist for An Early Learning Coalition in Tallahassee Fl.

1st marriage lasted 7 years. We grew apart. I got married YOUNG!
2nd and current marriage only a few months but we have been living together for a few years.
No Biological children
2 stepdaughters 4 fixing to be 5 in August (Twins)
Hub's first marriage lasted 2 and half years.
serenity_now_2007
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Serenity
32 years old
Only child
-Mom remarried when I was 13 (in 1989) and I have a good loving relationship with her and my SF. She had legal custody, grew up living with them, left home after high school graduation (18); since then, due to circumstances, we have always lived in different states
-Dad and SM live several states away. She moved in with him when I was 13 (in 1989); they got married this past October 2007. My Dad was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in January 2007. My relationship with my SM is pretty awful; my relationship with my Dad has many good aspects but has suffered, especially recently, due to quandaries & quagmires relevant to bad relationship with SM. I have always visited him over Christmas break and a few weeks in the summer; in the last ten years, he has visited me 3 or 4 times where I live.
-Relationship between my bio-parents is civil; at times strained and a few major fights through the years, over expected things such as college expenses & visitation time; otherwise they pretty much have stayed out of each other's hair
-I work in education at a public university for little pay but good benefits; all but finished with degree in Film Studies (which I've been completing while working full-time over the last 4 years)
-Been with my boyfriend for total of 6 years, living with him for less than a year; we are amicably breaking up due to strains from life circumstances, but we want to remain friends (and possibly even room-mates)
-have no kids but one kittycat :)
-On these boards, I am seeking to work through and understand from all perspectives my current situation with my dad & SM (in light of his cancer situation and all that dredges up). I also find it therapeutic to offer my perspective and advice to others on here, which I hope is helpful even though I at times can be too blunt.
ceph
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
"Also BMs do not whine that they take care of their children

Ooh! Ooh!! Pick me! Pick me!!
A__'s BM whines all the time about taking care of him! It's incessant and terribly frustrating. Recall back in February when FDH was out of the country at his father's wedding, and BM's mother decided to take a holiday and BM said "but I'll have to take care of him all by myself for four whole days!"... I'd call that whining about taking care of your child and really wanted to point out that most moms take care of their own kids for weeks or even months on end.
Awhile back, we planned to go out of town for a weekend, and asked BM if we could have him during the week instead (keep in mind that the previous three weekends, we had him from Friday after school until Sunday afternoon) and her reply was "but that means I'd have to give up my whole weekend! Can't you just go for the one night?"
ceph
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Hmm, interesting. That wasn't supposed to appear in this thread. Disregard that post and I'll go put it where it belongs.
norcalgirl78
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
bump
terrig_2007
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
terrig_2007

Married 1.5 years
SS 18
SS 17
No bio children

My first marriage, his second.
He divorced 3 years before meeting me and is 2 years older than me. We have a civil relationship with the ex-wife. She really doesn't cause any problems. We are lucky.

DH's parents: married 50 years!
My parents: Divorced when I was 10. Dad is married to third wife and has been for 25 years; currently estranged though we have some contact. Mom remarried and divorced again, currently single; have good relationship with her.

Out of my dad and SM five kids: 3 have been divorced one, 2 are remarried and 1 engaged; 1 married for 15 years (only marriage); and 1 (me) married 1.5 years (only marriage)
norcalgirl78
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
bump
colleen777
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I am Canadian... woot

Age 48
husb 53
SS 30
SD 28
DD 28
DD 23
DD 23

Orphaned at 5
Mother asthma
Father suicide

One sister, two brothers, we grew up separately in whichever foster home would have us in a small mining town.

Political speechwriter/photographer by trade.

I came here because I like to garden and yon ole compost pile.
nicksmom
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
nicksmom

Married 6 years (together 11)
DS 20 (in college, lives in apt. on campus)
SS 18 (lives with us--will leave for college in Aug.)
SD 15 (lives with Mom--but hoping for change of custody!)
DD 5 (lives with us, but may be sold to gypsies!!)

I'm 39, he's 48...no I wasn't the other woman. Married 6 years to DH. My first marriage, his 2nd. He was divorced 2 years before we met. I'm a nurse, he's a high school English teacher and professional musician.

My parents:
Divorced when I was 5. Dad remarried when I was 6 or 7, and they've been married for 32 years. Good relationship with them. Mom remarried when I was 21. GREAT relationship with them. See them several times a week.

His parents:
Divorced when he was 13. Mom remarried twice, and twice widowed. Now single. Great relationship. His dad currently on 4th wife. Little contact with him/wife 4 as they are toxic.
mom_of_6
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Mom_of_6

I am 35
DH 42
SD 15
SD 9
BS 13
BS 7
BD 5
DS 3 months

Both second marriages, mine ended after 12 years of abuse of all kinds, His ended when his wife went Bio. I'm new to the board and find it very useful and comforting.

His parents divorced. His mother remarried/divorced and is Psychotic and his father remarried and lives in Florida.

My father died when I was 7, leaving my mother widowed and me fatherless. Eventually my mother met a BF and he ended up molesting me for 5 years before I told. She never met noone after that. She passed in 2003 from lung cancer. So I am now an orphan.

I have 7 siblings myself 2 HS and 5 HB. I guess you can say History repeats itself :oP
principesa
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Hello all.

-I am 30 y/o.
-DH is 35 (-what does "DH" stand for?!)
-DH was married 14 years ago. Got married shotgun style, at 20 y/o, when he knocked up his girlfriend.
-SS who is 12 (almost 13) from that union.
-DH divorced BM of my SS after 3 years (therefore 11 years ago)

SS is living with us 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off for summer vacation. He *may* stay with us full time when school starts up because his BM "can't handle him" and he is much better behaved with me and DH.

I personally do not have any of my own kids, and I am 99% sure I don't want any. So, you can imagine I am not thrilled about SS coming to live with us full-freaking-time.

All I can do it count down the days til he turns 18 and/or gets a life of his own. Right now it's lots of micromanaging a teen who isn't too keen on hygiene.

So happy to join this forum and talk to other stepmama's with the same issues I have. :)
norcalgirl78
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Feel like I'm always bumping this "roster" post to the top, trying to keep everyone straight. =-)

There has been a cascade of new posters here lately and I would like to personally extend a welcome to all! I'm not the most frequent poster here, but I try to read several times per week at the least and have found support when I didn't know where else to turn. Here's hoping anyone who visits this forum will find some comfort, will have some thought-provoking moments, and will treat the advice as just one more helpful resource.
pseudo_mom
17 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Some have gone away but some are still here ... refresher course for some :)

Bump!

Click here to 'meet' the posters on this board

Comments (46)

Related Discussions

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US