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Can you have a shower without a gathering?

14 years ago

I recently received an e-mail from a good friend saying that since her daughter's family and friends are all out of town, her bridesmaids decided to shower her with gifts by mail. All gifts should arrive by a certain date and on that date, I'm guessing the bride will open them all at once.

Question--Is this something new? Not sure how I feel about it. I don't usually send a gift if I don't plan to attend the shower.

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Comments (9)

nancylouise5me
14 years ago
I've never heard of this before. Have a shower without inviting anyone to be there? I am not understanding the "family and friends are all out of town" part. I don't live in the same town, or state for that matter as most of my family or friends. They still send invitations to family gatherings, parties, showers, weddings,etc. I travel to them because I enjoy seeing everyone and want to celebrate the occasion with them.
If you didn't plan on attending if it was a real shower then don't send a gift. If you think you would attend your friend's shower then send one. Treat it as you would a real shower I guess. NancyLouise
gellchom
14 years ago
"You are cordially invited to pony up a gift. We will not be offering you any hospitality, but the bride and groom are still entitled to an extra gift from you, so fork over. And pay for shipping, too."

This is incredibly rude. Please, don't anyone do this!

What you do about it is another matter, though. Give or don't give a gift as you please. You aren't obligated, nor do you have to punish anyone for the staggering rudeness and tackiness. That's their problem.
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colleenoz
14 years ago
I'm in gellchom's camp on this one. Very tacky and rude.
anitastitch
Original Author
14 years ago
Because she's such a good friend and her daughter is such a sweet young lady, I'll send a gift--a gift card. A part of me wonders if I should've kindly suggested that she may want to rethink this plan, but I didn't want to cross a line.
sweeby
14 years ago
Translation:

"Please send my daughter a shower gift in addition to the wedding gift you'll be asked to send next."

A new low.

But then, I'm from the old school where showers were only thrown by close friends of the family, and never, ever by parents of the bride.
sweeby
14 years ago
If she weren't such a good friend, I'd be very tempted to respond "I'm so sorry I won't be able to attend" and just leave that semi-sensical comment dangling...
sweet_pea10
14 years ago
I agree, this is tacky and clearly a gift grab. I have attended showers where the guest of honor lived elsewhere and couldn't attend. The guests gathered with unwrapped gifts. Each showed her gift and it was videod. Then the gifts were wrapped and mailed along with the video so the bride or mom-to-be could open her gifts as she watched the video. Today, with Skype, it would be even easier to do something like this and include the guest of honor in the shower. But a shower with no guests, just gifts - I don't think so.
marie_ndcal
14 years ago
I had that happen a few years ago. The mother gave the shower for her DD because the DD could not come back--so she said. I knew both. She asked the gifts be unwrapped and then after the shower they would be wrapped and taken by the parents to the wedding. We were never sent invitations to the wedding, did get thank you notes months later, never did do the promised reception at her moms etc, and in fact if her parents want to see her they have to go to her. NEVER again. I just sent a gift card. There was is no reason why she never come back to her hometown, and I do hope there will not be the same type of baby shower if she has any kids. Not a bad kid, just thoughtless.
asolo
14 years ago
IMHO.....weddings/showers/graduation-stuff...people who do it right get my gifts and my attendance. Those who don't get cards wishing them well.

I'm almost always interested and sympathetic. However, I will NOT be treated as a gift-horse. Over the years there have been a couple of occasions when I was called on it by the non-recipients. None of them cared for the response they received from me. I didn't bring it but I'll be damned if I'll be compelled to explain and not answer honestly.

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