Oh my, Allison I am sorry! I wondered how your DD2 became engaged and married so fast :-( I should have known you would at least have posted a dress issue or something on the conversations board with all that wedding talk! Very sorry for that misunderstanding. But initially the posts that crossed over to houzz were not dated, so I had no idea the thread was four years old. Now I see they are dated, although in the faintest possible ink color. (Houzz must have mostly 20 and 30 something users with better eyesight.) At any rate, the groom may not have been a keeper but the flowers were lovely!

The short answer: No, you don't need to bring a shower gift. A shower gift is tied to a shower you were invited to. If there was no shower, or you weren't invited to one, there's nothing to make up for. You didn't skip anything — the event simply didn't happen on your radar, and that's not a gift obligation you owe. The longer answer, for context: Traditionally these are two separate gifts for two separate events. But that rule assumes two things — that a shower actually took place, and that you were invited to it. Neither applies here. Etiquette doesn't require you to retroactively gift an event you were never part of. A few things worth noting for your situation specifically: You're traveling from California to Maine. That's a significant expense on its own, and any reasonable couple understands that. Travel costs are widely considered part of your "gift" in spirit, even if no one says it out loud. A monetary wedding gift is completely appropriate — and honestly, for a nephew you're close enough to travel cross-country for, it's a generous and welcome choice. Don't double up out of guilt. Bringing an extra "shower gift" to the wedding itself would likely just confuse the couple, since there was no shower to attach it to. It could even read as an oddly large wedding gift rather than a thoughtful gesture. If you want to do something extra, a nice card with a personal note means more than a second gift. Something about welcoming your nephew's new spouse into the family, or a memory from when he was growing up, lands far better than an extra box. One caveat: If it turns out a shower did happen and you simply weren't invited, that's a different situation — but even then, the polite response is to let it go, not to compensate. Being left off a guest list isn't a debt you owe. So: bring your wedding gift, enjoy the trip, and don't give the shower question another thought. Hope the wedding was lovely, Vicki — and if anyone else is in a similar spot, feel free to share how you handled it!

There are often receptions or parties after the wedding. But I have never seen anyone wearing a bridal gown at one just so those who weren't at the wedding could see it. I'm assuming you are talking about a traditional wedding gown. But it was a small ceremony; perhaps you wore a terrific "regular" dress? If so, I absolutely would go ahead and wear it again for the party. That you wore it for your wedding doesn't mean it needs to be enshrined forever! If it's a traditional gown and veil -- well, you know your group, and we don't. So I don't know if they really are all that worked up about seeing you wearing a wedding gown, or if they will be thinking it seems a bit silly, or some of each. In any case, I assume all these people love you, so I don't think you have a problem with anyone permanently thinking anything bad. If you have your heart set on wearing your gown again, who is it hurting? I think the bigger issue is how YOU will feel. The fact that you are asking here makes me suspect that you feel uneasy about it, and if you plan to wear it, you will be second-guessing yourself from now until the party and all through the party, worried that you will feel foolish, which will reduce your own pleasure. If you wear a terrific regular outfit, you will for sure feel confident. Believe me, you will still be The Bride! Maybe wear some flowers, too. Best wishes on your marriage, and have fun at your party whatever you decide to wear.

Thanks everyone. Patti you may be right about the cream vs the white. I am a pale-skinned, freckled redhead and even though i do have a lot of white blouses, I really do not look good in white. And I love Steinmart! I think I will stop in there tomorrow and also there is a TJMAXX in the same shopping center. I am 60 yrs old, tall, but 30 pounds overweight (recently lost 35, 30 more to go) and busty, I was thinking a print might make me look fatter. I have a cute new top that is a leopard print, but wondered if it would be too much! My DD tells me I dress too much like an old lady, well I am one. Maybe I will pick up a couple tops and have a pre-party fashion show for DH and DD. I appreciate the great ideas!