Should married couples be split up in a wedding party???
macy
18 years ago
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talley_sue_nyc
18 years agowillierod1834_aol_com
13 years agoRelated Discussions
Wedding party in jeans!
Comments (13)My BIL had a jeans, cowboy hats and boots wedding where the guests primarily wore jeans. I recall the bridesmaids wore cowboy boots with their short dresses-I think the bride was going to wear boots too but didn't for some reason (I didn't go to that wedding). At the time I attributed the attire at that affair to the trashiness of the whole spectacle (that's a whole other story). But a friend got married at her parents back yard and the groom wore a similar set up-he was big into horse activities, and guests were very casual. My eldest DD got married at a lakeside place where guests could tent camp if they chose to. Neither the wedding party or the guests wore jeans, but every one was dressed in what I would describe as urban casual attire. If the wedding is going to be a casual theme, then no big deal IMHO. My younger DD was married in a ballroom at an opera house-had anyone shown up to that affair in jeans I would have croaked. I like the dress you've shown, I think it would be very appropriate....See MoreFinances for married couples
Comments (16)This is absolutely a topic where each couple has to forge the method that works best for them. There is no one right answer, no wrong one--as LONG as the couple makes their method work. I personally feel extremely strongly that couples need to keep their money separate. DH and I have been married 37 years, have always had our own accounts, our separate investments, etc--and not once EVER have we fought over money (plenty of other things, but never money). After all, being married doesn't make you one person--you don't automatically merge and start using each other's clothes, shoes, jewelry, do you? Of course not. Most couples I know have separate cars--they may occasionally use each other's car, but for the most part, each drives one more than the other. There's absolutely nothing wrong with keeping finances separate. DH and I--while both frugal and very fiscally responsible--have differing investment preferences. I can't imagine having to balance a checkbook every month that's being used willy-nilly by 2 people--it's much simpler to each have your own. Aside from the convenience factor, every person, IMO--should absolutely have enough money put away, IN THEIR OWN name so they can get along for at least 6 months or so. Any number of different disasters can affect one's ability to access community funds. Death, a split, a partner who suddenly decides to empty the joint account, legal action, etc etc etc. I've known too many older women who let their husband's manage/control the family finances who, at the worst time of their lives had to deal with not only losing their husband and planning a funeral, but having also to try to find and understand all the various investments, insurances, savings, etc. When you manage your own money, all your life, you don't have that panic to go through. As to the person who couldn't understand nor agree with individuals wanting money that they could spend without accounting for it? Well, even in the best relationships, one may want to buy the other a special gift--without having to ask for, or justify using the money. To me, as I said above--money is exactly like shoes. It does NOT adversely affect a relationship if each person keeps their shoes and money separate from the other. In our case, I have been so effective at managing my money, that even though I havne't worked full time in over 28 years, I had enough money saved, to be able to buy--on my own--our retirement home 2 years ago, and maintain it financially. I'm proud that I was able to do that for my husband. And he has so much respect for my money managing ability that he recently received a sizable inheritance that he immediately handed to me, and told me to 'do what I wanted with it'--knowing full well, I will care and grow that money for our retirement years, as I have with all other money I've gotten my hands on in the past 4 decades. I'm not saying that our method is right for all (even though I do believe everyone needs some money of their own), but I do wish to illustrate that there are many, many different methods that couples can use, that may work for them. Lastly--I have to make this point--if you knew us, you'd agree that there are few people you know in life who are more married, more devoted to each other than my DH and I--keeping money separate is NOT a detriment to a good marriage, any more than dumping it together will insure one will never get a divorce. Every couple is different, and the more important thing is that the two of you work together, agree on how you will manage money, and then follow through responsibly....See MoreAny childless by choice married couples out there?
Comments (106)Soooooo happy I found this post. I just got off the phone with my mother after a heated argument about my long-standing decision not to have children. Actually, it was just a repeat of the same argument we've been having for *years*. I'm confident in my decision, but I often feel like I'm the only 31-year-old woman in my area code who does not want children. I know there are others out there, but they are completely absent from my current sphere of influence. It gives me such peace to hear that many of my opinions/positions/frustrations/etc on the matter are shared by other reasonable, conscientious, and (seemingly :)) well-adjusted people. For me, the CBC decision sprang from deeply rooted environmental concerns. That angle never works with anyone I know, so I usually defend myself by employing the standard "we're not thinking about that right now", "we might adopt at some point in the future" and/or "we don't think we'd make good parents" non-committal-type responses. This post has armed me with so many great arguing points, I'm tempted to call my mother back. She, too, loves the "childless people are selfish" argument. I always counter with the notion that, if all childless people possess that character flaw, perhaps their reluctance to bear offspring serves a greater societal purpose. Selfish people would most likely be crappy parents. I don't feel as though I'm selfish, nor do I think my friends and family regard me as such. I imagine if I *had* to raise a child I would be at best, an average parent. If Mom's postulate is true, and I am innately selfish, I thinks it comes from the belief that I would be a far more creative, useful person without children in my life-- as would most people, if they were really honest with themselves....See MoreAre you still in touch with your wedding party people?
Comments (25)Married 56 years ago, in Korea ... we were together 11 years, apart for over 40 ... Sue died 11 years ago. Clergyman was missionary colleague, he and wife had an apartment in same house as I a few years earlier. He died, after dealing with dementia, nearly 10 years ago, we'd stayed in contact occasionally. His wife was matron of honour, they'd lived in a city 50 miles away after retirement - son has been a guest in their home while working for a few days in their area. Some time after Don's death, Alice moved to Calgary to be near her daughter and died three or four years ago. Both are buried in Korea. Best man was a missionary doc, retired to the east coast, we were in contact occasionally, had not met them in years and he died several years ago. Guests were pretty well all missionaries, several of whom I've contacted occasionally; some Korean colleagues, not much contact with them. ole joyful...See Moregellchom
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