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fullhouse_gw

Overwhelmed!!!

19 years ago

Where to start....ok. I am a successful, single, career minded, women in my mid thirties with no children who has dated every disaster called man out there. Until, that is...i met my now boyfriend. He is absolutely, the most thoughtful, caring, compassionate, loving guy I have ever met. We have been dating a year and I love him dearly. He has four kids (three, six, nine and eleven). Yes, FOUR.

Long story short: He has been married and divorced twice. Both women became pregnant within three months of dating. He did what he thought was right and married them. Both ex-wives have lots of issueslots of drama. The first has been in an out of mental hospitals twice since the divorceÂgiving him full custody several times over the years. The second is a drug addict. What he thought were prescriptions for migraine head aches, resulted in the need for rehab and then eventually being kicked out for smoking crack (my bo does not do drugs of any kind). He now has full custody of his WONDERFUL little daughter, who I love like my own. She is young enough that I can have a significant influence to prevent some of the behavior problems I have with the others.

So, to say that this was not the ideal situation when picturing my dream manÂunderstatement. Never in a million years would I have thought, this would be the man I am considering marrying. However, we have a great time together and he is my best friend. But, since I can be honest hereÂ.I would be lying if I said I am 100% ok with his "other" children and I feel guilty sometimes for wishing he didnÂt have them. Mostly, because I would like to have children of my own some day and I am having difficulty understanding how this will be possible. How will my children fit into the mix? He says, he is fine with more kidsÂhe loves them all and would love to have another. However, the house is absolute chaos most of the time. I spend an extraordinary amount of time cleaning, organizing, planning, and doing enormous amounts of laundry while maintaining a very successful career. I hired a housekeeper and although it has helpedÂit is still insane. Did I mention I am EXHAUSTED, tired and frustrated ? Is this normal?

The first time I spent the weekend with all of them, I realized what I was up against when his five year old son came into the house, covered in mud. Never took his sneakers off, climbed onto the couch and started jumping and doing handstands with his muddy feet hitting the wall behind himÂlaughing hysterically. Later, he took his dirt bike and road it into the living room. YES, drove his muddy bike into the living room. I am not exaggerating.

I talked with my Bo and told him we needed to establish some guidelinesÂhe is very open to change and really (obviously), could use the help. There have been many improvements since that weekend and I do see progress. Things are getting better, but it is EXTREMLY challenging.

Ladies, my days used to be filled with Yoga, quiet Sundays with coffee and jazz on my sofa. I was completely content in my life, but dreamed of meeting someone wonderful, settling down and making some babies. His kids are a lot of fun and I do enjoy many of the times with themÂbut it is so difficult, frustrating and overwhelmingÂI sometimes wonder if it is worth it. He always says this is par for the coarse when raising children. But I am so overwhelmed, I just donÂt know if I could have another or if it would even be fair to my baby. I feel like they would be getting less of a mom then they deserve.

Bottom Line:

Are these overwhelming feelings normal?

Is this what raising children is like in a step-mother role?

Things have gotten better, but it is still an enormous challenge

Do any of you regret the decision you made?

Comments/suggestions please?

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