Makes you wonder doesn't it? Your hubby most likely gave her the money. Was the written message from the heart, or just a kiss-up so she can continue her usual antics? I was quite shocked to get a card and some flowers from my stepson this Mother's Day. However, I know his pattern so I'm not taking it to heart. I was polite and said thank you to him, but I am not buying it. Good Luck to you!

At least they acknowledged you. That's definitely a step in the right direction.

I would rather be ignored than beat up, which is the usual thing for me.

Leanza,

I don't want to believe this gesture has a dark side to it - just trying to enjoy the moment and hopefully believe it was given w/ a kindness in spirit.

I kind of think that after an evening and night w/ her mother, she was thinking, "Dang - Dana's a pretty good wife and mother!" Let's hope, lol.

Still, my dilemma remains - DH probably thinks..."Dana can't expect me to ask her to leave after calling her 'mom'..."

I don't know - it's tough for two women to share a house. I know I'm hypersensitive these days about everything - just feel like this is going on too long.

I just wish that instead of buying me anything, she'd have gotten something small for her brothers who just had b-days and are waiting and waiting...but, this is the first time I've ever been acknowledged whatsoever by her on Mother's Day.

Your SS's situation is tough. I think you're smart to be cordial, but not let your guard down...

Dana

I too was completely shocked this Mother's Day when there was a phone message from DH's oldest daughter wishing me a Happy Mother's Day! I could not believe it! Miracles do happen, I thought! For those of you who have read my previous posts about this SD, I, just Dana, '' Thought I'd share her nicer side since I've been off on a tangent about her less than polite ways".

Personally, i am a little bewildered about this. It's the first time in 18 yrs olds that she does that. I wonder if it was seeing my youngest SD call me that made the oldest one do the same thing. I know she is going through a separation now so maybe its making her think a little bit more of people in her life who are in a relationship. I don't know.

Her birthday is coming up this weekend. Despite everything i have said about this SD, here i was this weekend discussing with DH what we should get her!!!!!!! I have been pretty successful at disengaging myself from her lately and I have been feeling happier because of it! It's like a big load was taken off my shoulders when I truly made the decision about a month ago to '' let go and let live''!

There was also another phone message from my youngest SD wishing me a Happy Mother's Day!

I called them later that evening to thank them for their wishes. The oldest SD and I had a little laugh about her leaving the message. We both knew this was a little different than usual.

Later that night i thanked the Lord that i had received these calls. Never having had any children of my own, all day my heart would go boom-boom a little bit when i would hear on the radio all kinds of nice things about Mother's Day and all the song on mothers. I prayed i would get at least one phone call from one of the stepchildren that has been in my life for 18 years. Needless to say those two phone messages that were left on my answering machine truly made me realize that my relationship/situation with my stepchildren is important.

Have a nice day.

Dana, fleurs, isn't it wonderful? I spent mother's day dress shopping with 14 yo DD for her 8th grade formal. It was the only day that fit her schedule. Serious aggravation.

Anyway, SS#1, the 20 yo away at college, left me 2 voice mail messages, one at home and one on my cell. His message said, "I was just calling to say happy mother's day and I love you. Oh, and you would be proud. I got a 146 out of 150 on my African history final." Now, this is a kid who has not been demonstrative in any way, shape or form in the last 8 years since I've known him. In fact, he pretty much ignored me through high school, when he lived with BioMom, and then flat out hated me the summer between high school and college when he came to live with us, since I said no drinking or pot parties in our house (as opposed to his BioMom's). But I think the stuff that's been going on with SS#2, and how our family has been handling it (especially in contrast to BioMom), has made him more aware of my place in his life and this family. It was really nice. I played the message several times.

tamar,

I guess we've had to wait several years for these children to recognize the role we have had in their lives.

I also kept the phone message and I will listen to it again tonight.

Ladies,

I'm so happy we were all pleasantly surprised for a change! I think it is nice to be recognized every now and then. I also think that stepkids don't always realize that $.50 of every $1.00 their dads spend on them is sort of "ours", so I'd like to think my SD's card was somewhat my sacrifices for her and my work here in the house...oh well, don't want to be getting off of this nice subject!

I didn't hear from my other 2 steps - the girl just graduated UNC and the boy, 26, has been MIA for 3 years. It's very sad. His little 1/2 brothers don't even know him anymore. Only our oldest, recently 7, even has an actual real memory of him. I didn't expect to hear from either of them, not being in town, but when one surprises you, you wonder if maybe the others will acknowledge you, too.

Dana

My Xs GF contributes zilch financially to the hosueheold, so is everything from the household still 50% "ours"? All she pays for is her own food, nothing for utilities, mortgage, etc.

kkny, I guess it would all depend. Since they are not legally married and she contributes zilch financially to the household, it wouldn't be 50%. However, does she own the property with your ex? Are they otherwise financially entangled? It's hard to say without knowing the particulars of their situation.

I am a SAHM, and I contribute zilch financially, but my DH would say it's 50%.

Don't get KKNY started on SAHMs....we are living a life of luxury and should accomodate BMs for their lack of parenting. SMs should adjust their schedules around DH SC and BM. Because if a BM works she is exempt from parenting.

And on the topic of mothers day .... hubby had the nerve to say "you're not my mother" why do I have to get you something.... after I had a meltdown he packed the kids in the car and came back with flowers and a card!!!

I don't think a gf is nearly the same as a new wife in financial matters.

I once saw a very nice letter from a BM to her ex and his second wife in Ann Landers. It said, "I've never thanked you properly for the child support and alimony never being late (OK, it wasn't to every ex and new wife). I'm sure you often had plenty of other things with which to do with this money as it must have been a substantial chunk for you to hand over each month. I just wanted to let you know how much I deeply appreciated receiving the support in a timely fashion and for never acting like it was an imposition. You've treated the children so nicely and together, we have raised some fine young men and women. Thank you."

I thought that was so nice and it was long before I was a step.

My steps have never acknowledged that anything was mine, in part or in whole. It's "Dad's house", "Dad's office" and "Dad's cars." Actually, because their mother tried to destroy my husband in the divorce (and remember, she had the other man), neither was left w/ any credit and the attys were the only ones who made out well. Our practice, office bldg, house and rental house and cars are all 100% in my name only. Having him on them would have killed the deals w/ the credit situation. For years, neither parent had credit cards, they were never shy about asking me for mine, however, and w/ my SS, I learned later that I bought some disturbing adult videos on-line! I always was there to help, but never received any hint of validation. BTW, I worked 5 days/week til my children were born - now it's 3 days/week. I've never had help w/ the house (their mom, who didn't work even after the divorce til recent years did have a housekeeeper.)

So, since our practice is "mine", I feel that indeed, $.50 of every $1.00 gotten from their dad is mine...however, I do not think it is the case w/ X's GF.

Dana