We got two gifts in total. A vacuum cleaner and a pressure cooker. Both most welcome and the pc is still in use. No ’shower’ and only 8 wedding guests. Just parents, siblings and their spouses. DD got married during covid with the permitted 6 guests but a year later we had a party with 100 guests. They requested no gifts, just donations to two charities. The Italian side of the family found this diffcult to grasp and gave a lot of knickknacks they neither want nor need.

Only a shower invitation hints at gifts. Unless you're crass and stick the registry card in there. And I vote for the big party afterward, mostly out of kindness for them. You might also consider simply treating them to a dinner out w/ you either before or after, and making it be between you and them. Or round up a much smaller group of people for something similarly intimate, esp. if lots of folks who'd come are out of town. Maybe those out-of-towners could send along a video greeting, or something--coax them to write their favorite story of bride or groom or courtship, even if it's two sentences ("any woman who can get him to worry about whether his socks are pulled up is a woman he'll stay with forever!") And touch base w/ some of those out-of-town friends, to see if they'll definitely travel for such an event--it would be awkward to invite 70 people and have the 12 locals show up. As for timing, I vote for very shortly after they return from their honeymoon, while other folks are still sort of excited for them, and consider them newlyweds. Once someone's been married for 4 months, I'm ready to move on, personally.

I honestly don't know anything about what would be an appropriate gift in Boston. In fact, as far as Houston (where I've lived my whole life), AFIK there's no "custom" gift. Not that I'm up on all that stuff!! The thing is, I give what I feel comfortable giving rather than trying to figure out what the couple expects or what the local tradition might be. If money is the custom there, they'll already be getting a lot of checks. Why not make your gift one of the few personal items that stand out and get remembered? I have a few quotes below from a very wise person who frequents this forum. See if you can figure out who said all this: When I got married, I did not have enough experience to know what would REALLY come in handy as my family and entertaining needs grew. Even then, I could see the difference between the gifts our peers gave us -- "unique," fun, or short-term stuff (e.g., a bed tray and a subscription to a book review) -- and the things the "grown-ups" got us: serving pieces, carving board, tablecloths, dishes, flatware, etc. We liked and appreciated all of it, but I could see the older generation had the better idea, and theirs are the gifts I am still gratefully using almost 26 years later. Registries tell me colors, styles, etc. I often give a silverplate water pitcher (there's an example of something you don't know you'll need but never have enough of, if you entertain). I look at the couple's registry to decide whether to choose a very simple or more ornate style. Not many young couples need giant serving platters or dishes, flatware, and crystal for 12 or 18. But years later, when they start to take their turn hosting holiday meals and family get-togethers -- for a family that will probably be getting larger -- they are going to need all that stuff -- at least many people do. Twenty-six years ago, I never imagined serving 29 people dinner in my home. But that is what we are doing tomorrow! So even though at the time it seemed like we would never use all the platters, bowls, and pitchers, I have used every one of them many times over the years. The nicest bonus is that every time I use the "boring" items, even all these years later, I think fondly of the person who gave it to me. That is a very lovely experience you don't get if all you get is cash or things you registered for yourself. My favorite gift was a big, fancy silver plate platter from my great aunt. She had received it as a wedding gift when she married into our family in the 1950s. I certainly didn't have occasion to use it much in the early years of our marriage, but I use it all the time now, and I think of her every time I see it. This is probably more a matter of local and ethnic custom than anything else. In many communities the northeast, for example, it seems that cash gifts are so customary that "thing" gifts are unusual (for wedding gifts \-\- these people also often give very large "thing" gifts for engagements and showers). But several posters who live in the south have reported that in their communities cash gifts are considered impersonal to the point of being a no\-no. Both are common here. I prefer to give a "thing" gift, but that's just my preference.

Thanks everyone. Patti you may be right about the cream vs the white. I am a pale-skinned, freckled redhead and even though i do have a lot of white blouses, I really do not look good in white. And I love Steinmart! I think I will stop in there tomorrow and also there is a TJMAXX in the same shopping center. I am 60 yrs old, tall, but 30 pounds overweight (recently lost 35, 30 more to go) and busty, I was thinking a print might make me look fatter. I have a cute new top that is a leopard print, but wondered if it would be too much! My DD tells me I dress too much like an old lady, well I am one. Maybe I will pick up a couple tops and have a pre-party fashion show for DH and DD. I appreciate the great ideas!