Might have to talk to clients dr. & have the dr. tell family it is too disruptive. Are they at the house all the time or off running around(interested in mom's welfare or free lodging so they can run around town) I can see concerned daughter coming to be sure mom is well taken care of but this doesn't sound much like it. Do the relatives come & buy groceries, make out checks, take mom to dr. etc. If they aren't doing any of that, dr should know to stop the disruption! If they are than more difficult to deal with them, doesn't someone have power of attorney?

Not sure I buy the whole "parenting out of guilt" concept (but I've never read the book or anything, so maybe I shouldn't judge just yet)... but I can see where noncustodial bio-parents who don't get to see their children often may parent out of a sense of LOSS... which is what it sounds like may be happening here. I agree that it isn't fair to the other kids if the discrepancy is extreme... however it isn't 'fair' to the one child who doesn't get to live with Daddy full-time compared to the other kids who do. Seen this way, it wouldn't be 'fair' to treat all the kids EXACTLY the same when his daughter visits because the rest of the year, the other kids get so much more of his time and attention (in total, in quantity, if not in quality). That's where it gets really tricky. And that's where everyone kind of does have to expect that to a REASONABLE extent, the other child's visits will always be 'special' simply because they are rarer. The key word, though, is REASONABLE. Also knowing what's within control and able to be levelled out and what isn't. Rules, for example. All the kids should be following the same rules, with the same rewards/consequences. Money, also. Approximately equal amounts of money should be spent on all kids. Even chores (many might disagree with me on this) should be expected of all children, yes even the visiting child, provided they are reasonable and don't suck up too much of the quality time. Other thing, such as feelings, are harder to control. You can't stop DH from getting an xtra twinkle in his eye when his daughter coes to visit, just like you can't stop a parent from having an extra soft spot from their first-born, or for their youngest, or for the one who was a preemie, or the one with the cute freckles on his nose, etc. Ideally, the parent has one of these 'special soft spots' for each of his/her kids for different reasons. And that, I think, is the key to successful parenting, custodial or noncustodial, intact or blended family. Somehow, some way, each child needs to feel EQUALLY SPECIAL. All treated fairly, but also all unique. That's what I'd tell your husband, and at the same time I'd be pre-emptively reassuring the kids myself of their individual specialness. I'd very kindly and clamly discuss the issue with my husband and ask simply that we try to find some positive ways to balance things out just a little bit more between daughter visit periods and in-between daughter visit periods. Try to go out to eat a few times more when she's not there, even if you have to initiate it. Try to cook at home a few times more when she visits. Start out each year or quarter with a total budget for 'kid fun money', divide it by # of kids, and stick to it. If husband starts to go over it when his daughter is visiting, gently ask him "are you sure you want to spend the last part of this year's fun budget on THAT item and not a nicer gift for Christmas?", etc. There are practical material things taht can be balanced out, and when they are, hopefully that will take the sting out of it more when he seems to "come alive" more when she visits. As long as you know that things really are basically fair and that your kids are getting plenty of love & attention and feel special too, it should hopefully become less of a problem.

Sounds like your stepdaughter is NOT the problem and she is NOT ruining your relationship. Sounds like your husband is 100% the problem and your resentment is pointed directly at the wrong person. How are things when your stepdaughter isn't around? Does your husband still sleep all day when she isn't there? What is his work schedule? What time is he going to bed at night? My daughter is 10 and unless she is staying up all night, she does not sleep past 9 (at the latest on a weekend). And she is a sleeper. She has a very dark and cool bedroom and she sleeps very deeply. But she gets up before 9. So how much sleep is your sd getting at night? Is she staying up late? I think the way you dealt with the breakfast was fine. This is what I would have done too. Why didn't your sd stay home with her dad instead of having to get up and go with you? Could she stay with dad? Would it be easier on you? I can understand how Dh favoring her drives you insane... But as you said in your post, she didn't ask to be catered to or favored. He is doing a great deservice to her. He is teaching her how to grow up and be a big brat that feels entitled to be catered to by everyone in her life. You should suggest to your husband to read 'Love and Logic' I believe it is actually called 'Parenting with Love and Logic'. If he refuses, then you'll have to decide what you want to do with your future but if he can read this book. He will realize what he is doing to her and what he is also doing to his other children by treating them different. Good luck!

I went to ... pick up a skunk. I took a nap ... One of these has to be the winner. ;) We had a hard frost last night, followed by a heavy fog this morning, so everything is still eerily quiet and hushed. happy2b_gw, I've been making my own mix for so many years I don't remember the actual Chex Mix recipe. IIRC, it included seasoned salt, which I've never used--since the mixed nuts and pretzels are always salted, I prefer to mix my own herbs and spices. Following are the ingredients I use, but other than the butter, which is already in a 1/2 cup stick, I don't measure, just pour and toss. The amounts are approximate--you can adjust to suit your own taste. 1 stick melted butter 1/2 cup olive oil 1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce a couple of drops of hot sauce/tabasco Mixed and poured over: 3/4 box of corn squares cereal (I use the store brand) 3/4 box of rice squares cereal 3 to 4 cups bite-size cheese crackers 3 to 4 cups oyster crackers 3 to 4 cups Goldfish crackers (or store brand Whales) After coating the above with the butter/oil mixture sprinkle with: 1/4 cup onion powder (I grind my own from dried onion flakes) 1 T garlic powder 1 T ground dried basil (I grind my own) 1 tsp chili powder 1 tsp paprika 1/2 tsp (or a few twists) freshly ground mixed peppercorns Bake on cooky sheets at 200-250° for about 20 minutes (I use 200° because my oven seems to run hot.) When cool add: 2 cans mixed nuts (no peanuts) 1 jar roasted/salted peanuts 1 bag mini pretzels Mix well and enjoy. :) Pfeffernϋsse assembly line, with head elf supervising: