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proserpina_gw

For Us in the US: Anyone Watch Dr. Phil on 5-25-07?

proserpina
16 years ago

It was an interesting debate between bio-moms and step-moms (here is the link: http://drphil.com/shows/show/909 ). I couldn't believe how much the first scenario resembled my case, not so much the technicalities but what was said...

I guess what really hit home was how these poor kids really do feel the tension between the two parental units (mom's turf and dad's turf). The children really get caught in between the crossfire. Here are the 10 most common mistakes happen in divorce...

- Sabotaging your child's relationship with the other parent.

- Using your child as a pawn to "get back at" or hurt your ex.

- Using your child to gain information or to manipulate and influence your ex.

- Transferring hurt feelings and frustrations toward your ex onto your child. (You may be particularly prone to this if your child bears physical or behavioral resemblances to your ex.)

- Forcing your child to choose a side when there's a conflict in scheduling or another planning challenge.

- Turning family events attended by both divorced parents into pressure cookers. Events that call for sensitivity include birthdays, holidays, school programs, extracurricular activities and performances.

- Depending too much on your children for companionship and support because you're hurt and lonely and have adopted a siege mentality: "It's us against the world." This isn't a healthy position for either you or your child to adopt.

- Treating your child like an adult because you're lonely or just want help. It is inappropriate to give your child an adult job.

- Becoming so emotionally needy that your child develops feelings of guilt if he or she spends time or even wants to spend time with your ex, friends, grandparents or others.

- Converting guilt over the divorce into overindulgence when it comes to satisfying your child's material desires.

Man, I've made mistakes, I still do, and I probably always will... but boy oh boy can I see this happening in our situation. The children are so concerned that mom is going to get angry at dad for God knows what that they try and do everything to not be the cause of it... and when I told "Dad" what I had found out (one of the children told someone who in turn told me), all he said was, "Well, at least they know it's mom who is the psycho"... to which, I laid it on thick enough that he heard what the real issue was.

But anyway... just thought I would pass the info along. I'm going to have my husband watch the episode too and do some reading about it......

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