How does your husband feel about taking in just the kids? My BIL and SIL are bipolar. We've seen so much with them! As long as your daughter is NOT taking her meds, she'll never have a "normal" enough life. She'll never get her life back on track. My first priority would be my grandchildren cuz they're too young to help themselves and have no choice but to live this life of hell. Maybe talk to your husband about taking in just the kids for awhile until your daughter gets her life together and starts by helping herself first. It must be really hard for her to do so with 2 kids. That's if she WANTS to help herself! My brother and his wife have full custody of their two grandchildren (3 and 6), been almost 2 years. Their son is a drug dealer (the father) and the mother is a bipolar drug addict. They are not together as a couple and never have been. The youngest child was born a crack baby. The son doesn't do drugs, just sells it. My SIL fought tooth and nail to get both the mother to sign over parental rights. The family has been through hell and is still going through it because no matter what the mother does to screw up her kids' lives, the law is on her side. The father, however, can only have supervised visits cuz of the way he treated the mother. He slapped her once to "snap her out of a fit" while she was high. He has "straightened" her out several times but she keeps going back to drugs. Fast forward to today.... the father is a good father to the kids (actually the oldest is not his bio child but he loves him like his own) and does everything for them. They are spoiled rotten! The mother calls the oldest and tells him lies about his grandmother (my SIL) and tries to get him to spy on them for "ammunition against them". My SIL then tries to explain to him why his mother is acting like this but that she still loves him. The poor kid is so screwed up emotionally that he wants to talk to a judge cuz he says he doesn't know who to believe anymore and knows a judge wouldn't lie. He's had counsellors before too but the mother is just damaging him so bad. So much so that just yesterday, in fact, my SIL went to court to get a court order for the mother to have "no contact" with her kids. She didn't win cuz she didn't have enough evidence. She has appealed. I told my SIL that she should have the oldest talk to this judge so she could see for herself. With Children's Aid, the courts, etc.... it seems that they protect the mother more than they protect the kids. Which is a real shame! It seems that Children's Aid, the court, etc., seem to "forget" that the youngest was born a crack baby! The mother has more drug charges then the father, including other charges, and still the law is more on her side! The only reason why my SIL and brother got full custody of the kids was because my SIL found out that the mother was using someone else's urine for her mandatory drug tests. Just before they were to enter the court room, my SIL's lawyer requested a drug test (hair) right away. Test proves positive and her lawyer told her she'd lose the case so make it easier and sign away her rights. And she did. All the best to you! Check out these sites. It might be helpful. http://www.raisingyourgrandchildren.com/ http://www.usa.gov/Topics/Grandparents.shtml

YOU MUST FOLLOW THESE STEPS EXACTLY. 1. Put her to bed as using normal bed time routine. 2. When she gets up out of bed, tell her, "No, it's bed time", and put her back to bed. 3. When she gets up, tell her "Bed time" put her back to bed. 4. When she gets up...just put her back to bed. Repeat step 4 until she goes to sleep. SHE WILL GO TO SLEEP EVENTUALLY. You may have to repeat step 4 for a couple of hours. Do not let her wear you down or it will take even longer. Here is where you have to be more stubborn than her. You see, what she has learned in that short period of time is that "If I make a big enough fuss, Mom and Dad will give in to me, I will get my way". To show you that this will work, keep a journal. On night #1 write down what time you started, make a tick mark for every time you put him back to bed, and write down the time she fell asleep. Repeat nightly until you can just put her to bed and she stays there (remember, it doesn't matter if she falls asleep right away, really it matters that she stays in bed quietly, she can talk and sing to herself as much as she wants until she falls asleep..no books or movies, just her and her favorite sleeping toy). The reason to do this is when you're frustrated on day 3 or 4, you will see that it really is taking less time than it did on day one. Usually by day 3 or 4 they are good to go, but it may take 2 weeks..but it is only 2 weeks then you will have her sleeping fine!!! Serioulsly 2 weeks MAX!!! Vickey-MN

Hi Domy, I have two, maybe three!, sides on this one. One being I became a stepmom when I married my husband and we have full custody of her. Two, I have two children from a previous marriage who also live in our home along with a baby daughter we had together. There are some, and this is an extreme word, regrets. We got married 5 months after our engagement. That's a big one for me, as I wish I would have waited longer to learn more about step-parenting and wish we would have gotten some very definitive counseling. I know it's been said time and time again, but stepparenting is a hard hard job. In our family, bio-mom doesn't and hasn't seen SD in 4 years, so I don't have to deal directly with her. However, this woman that forfeited the privelege of being a mother due to addictions is on a pedestal here. SD will always have these fantasies of her mom and make them known to me and consistently reassures me that I will never be as good as her "mom". So be prepared that no matter how hard you try and however senseless her daddy may behave, you won't measure up. Secondly, my DH hears my children build up their daddy constantly. Their dad is involved and we see him frequently. We have given him open invitation to come to our home as often as he wishes for the sake of the children, especially birthdays and holidays, but he doesn't accept. BUT my DH is a strong and secure man (emotionally) because if SD's birth mom was around a lot, that'd be a big pill to swallow, having to interact with her. You really cannot be a jealous person to be a good stepparent. So before you make that plunge, ask yourself the really tough questions. And lastly, if you plan on having a child together, you should really get the stepparenting issue down first. Give your soon-to-be SD time to adjust to all the changes. You will be amazed at the difference in your feelings when you have a child of your own and it could hurt SD if you're not careful. Establish that relationship for her security first. I hope I have helped, I wish I would have taken my own advice because it could have saved my family some heartbreak. Good luck to you!

I have to say that I am very sad to hear that your husband not only condones this behavior, but then badmouths you to a 2 1/2 year old! My ss was a little younger than this when I entered the picture and he ALWAYS got his way with daddy. But he was never one to hurt others, just throw temper tantrums. My husband fed into this behavior and gave ss whatever he wanted. I took it for a while and finally one day I just looked at my huband and told him that my ss needed to be introduced to time-out. My ss would not stay in time-out at first, but eventually he caught on. My husband still puts up with a lot more from ss than I do (now he is 5 and he will still tell his dad he doesn't want to put his own shoes on and then throw himself on the ground and cry). He tried that with me a few times and I picked him and his shoes up and carried him to the car and buckled him up shoeless. When we got wherever we were going everyone else got out of the car and my ss had no choice but to put his shoes on. (luckily he did not know that I would never leave him alone in a car!) Now my other skids and biokid all tell my husband how my ss listens to me perfectly and does not cry for me or throw temper tantrums! So, my husband has been giving more discipline and my ss is slowly improving for his dad. My suggestion, talk to your hubby about this behavior and how dangerous it can be once your new baby is here. Do you want a 2 1/2 year old who hurts everyone else hurting a newborn? Also tell him how much it hurts you when he calls you a witch for demanding respect from a child. Children need discipline, and at his age he will continue to see just how far he can go---which seems like it may be way too far! Good luck!