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It is normal to be a little jealous or upset when your with someone who has a child with someone else. And the fact that they have to see and talk to their ex all the time can really be annoying at times, expecially if their ex still wants them.

But, you should not be upset with the child or resent the child in any way. Your going to be a part of his life if the relationship with his father continues and children can feel resentment. If you can not get over that feeling then maybe you need to move on.

If you can get over that feeling and deal with his ex being around sometimes then good for you. It is not an easy road, I can tell you from experience that stepparenting is the hardest job I ever had! But it does have its rewards. I love my stepchildren as I love my own child and my husband and all our kids are very happy.

Good luck to you!

Jenessa,
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you & how long have you been in this relationship?

As for his "genetics" and that being an influence on how you view the kid, try to put that out of your mind. Or else it will become an excuse for hating him (if things go badly, which hopefully they won't!). It's easier to rationalize unfair feelings toward a child when you can trick yourself into thinking 'well it's not really HIM I dislike... it's his 'crazy' mother' and her 'genetics'". Do you see what I mean? If he turns out to have a mental or emotional problem, down the road, once you're commited, then by all means seek help.

Maybe try this: if you continue to be tempted to view him negatively because of his crazy genetics, then the next time you're at a family gathering (say, Thanksgiving or somebody's wedding), take an informal poll (out loud or just mentally, inside your own head) of your own family members and their issues. Any manic-depressives? Anxiety disorders? Panic attacks, mid-life crises, drug addicts, hair pullers, bulemics, ADD-er's or just plain loonies? Every family's got at least one or the other, and a lot of that stuff is geentically inherited. Whether or not you inherited any of it, you wouldn't want someone else presuming you did.

Serenity, I think that is a good thing for everyone to do. It's a humbling experience. The older I get the more I feel some of the ADD is blatanly obvious.

good idea serenity. unless we pay attention it seems that our families are fine and "theirs" are always crazy. My family seems to always be so normal and not crazy but if you go into details and analyze...One uncle was complete loonie, my dad's brother was druggaddict and died of overdose in young age, two of my grandparents' cousins were alchoholics, greatgrandpa was gambling addict (lost a fortune), my dad had severe mood swings and anger management problems when he was younger etc. it is humbling. Bunch of loonies if you think of it...hahah

I know I'm probably ADD (If not officially, then purty darn close)... I think we all have *something* we wrestle with inside ourselves. As for my family, ha! I wouldn't even know where to begin. Aside from the one or two that have been truly extreme and tragic, we actually all joke about some of the crazies in our extended family, and my cousin even calls her little partial-wall of family photos "The Wall of Dysfunction"! All very colorful characters, though, and I wouldn't trade 'em... There's always something to deal with. Keeps life interesting, I guess...

Jenesa,

All the feelings you are experiencing are normal. I think all blended families go through it. The big question is do you think you can move past it? Before you get too involved ask yourself if you are going to be willing to deal with this woman for the rest of your life because as much as I hate to say it....you will be.

My case is the same in alot of ways as yours. My husbands Ex is CLINICALLY crazy. Bi-Polar, Socio-pathic, chronically depressed AND she is OCD. To top it all off she is an addict and is STILL hung up on hubs. Not an easy woman to deal with I tell you. Even though she has temporarily been denied visits because her behavior is endangering the girls I know she will ALWAYS be around. She will ALWAYS be stiring the pot. She will ALWAYS be causing problems around the holidays. She will ALWAYS be counted on to kick up s%^$. I love my husband and his children and except the situation for what it is.

You will be going through some of the same things I have gone through (I am almost positive) and if you dont think you can handle it without taking it out on the child you may want to think twice before commiting to anything long term. You sound like a nice person who is just going through a confusing time and I am sure you would want to do whats best for everyone involved. Think really hard beacause it doesnt get any easier.

If you decide you can handle it I suggest you do what hubs and I did. When it became apparent Biomom was going to be a constant problem we came up with a list of boundries we agreed on to keep the BS at a minimum. For example: Once he went over to help her move a heavey piece of furniture to the girls room at her apartment. The next day she was calling me accusing him of trying to sleep with her. It was obvious BS but after that we decided she isn't allowed inside our apartment and we dont step foot in hers..... exspecially if Im not there so no accusations can be made. She was angry when he told her but he was sure to let her know it was a consequence to her poor behavior not us just trying to be "mean".

Little lines drawn in the sand like these has made dealing with her alot easier. She is alot like a child. She has to have strict rules to abide by or she reaks havoc.

Great post, Serenity.

On another note, I always find it suspicious when a guy describes his ex as crazy. I know there are some crazy ex's out there, but a lot of times guys just use that as an excuse for the true story.

I agree there is always two sides to the story. at the same time I would never say that my X husband was crazy because he wasn't. I did have crazy boyfriends though including one manic depressive and the other one with clinic depression. i know that my X would not describe me as crazy because i am not. so there must be some truth to "crazy" stories.