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Should I 'step' up and parent when he still figuring out how to?

16 years ago

My boyfriend has a 6yr old son who lives with Grandma- BM and all her family has been out of the picture for 3 yrs. My BF bought his own house 8 months ago- but doesn\'t have a room for his son there- says he can\'t afford to handle him all by himself. When I asked him (back then) when he would move son in, he said "I'll figure it out", but hasn't taken any steps towards that- other than now wanting me to move in soon!

Son has ADD and behavior issues-defiant, etc. Not in counseling, but on meds. There is little routine in place and no standard discipline that the family follows. He's allowed almost free reign- going outside when he wants, refusing to eat most of the time, etc.

We got engaged a few months ago - and I am beginning to realize how premature that move was. Now our relationship seems to be falling apart because I wanted him to get more involved w/ caring for son before I move in; he is adamant that the only way to give his son "consistency" is for me to be there, move in, elope- eek!

He has over the last few months started seeing his son everyday after work and keeping him for the weekends. But hasn't laid off on pressuring me and expecting me to have the same responsibility for his son. I don't want to just rant, I want to know if I am being selfish, at what point do you move in to the "mommy" role (I'm thinking after we get married and I sell my house; plus, I know I'll never be his mother, just the lady standing in her place); and am I alone in thinking my bf's expectations are a little demanding.

I'm open to any responses, but a little about me first. I'm 29, bf is 30. We've been together a little over a year. I've been very independent and wasn't searching for marriage or family to be happy with my life. I love my bf and understand that part of choosing him is to choose his son. It just seems like some things (w/him and son) need to get into place before we move forward. I'm not ready today this instant, but I think I will be with time.

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