Why does FDH say he can understand why she wants the school location? Is it a better school?

No.

Imagine a backwards C, thats how it would look in terms of travel, if that makes sense. She's choosing to look for a home 40 min away from us (on the top of the C), she works at the top tip of the C which is about 50 minutes away from us. We live and work at the bottom of the C ... the more i describe this, the more i'm thinking it will confuse you , lol. sorry.

Initially, we were pushing for the school to be closer to us just because the commute and direction of traffic for everyone kind of works out; i.e. even if its a little bit out of her way, its still in the same direction of her job. So she starts fighting about that. Ok, but still you are choosing to move to an area you don't HAVE to.

So now she's gotten it so that the only schools she'll accept are closer to her job. Which doesn't seem fair at all.

When FDH called me, part of me wanted to say, "well, sd has two capable parents who can handle picking up and dropping off then... leave me out of it." Mainly because he keeps letting her manipulate every decision.

Why would any reasonable person NOT look for a home and school near where they work?

I posted a little while ago that she got a new job, great, good thing for her. And we were going to go back to having SD week on/week off. I wondered how that was going to work considering BM didn't want to move to a logical area.

So I really don't know how this is going to work when sd needs to be in an elementary and h.s. because it makes it really difficult to just keep changing schools b/c BM decides she wants to live x, y, and z places. Unless she's willing to forgo her 50/50.

Do you both live in some large district that lets parent choose school?

I was prepared to say that if she has primary or she's the one that will have to leave work to pick up a sick child, then it should be close to her work. But, if it's week on/week off, then it should be convenient for both sides (who ever is going to have to pick up a sick child) and also close proximity to the doctor, etc.

My DH and his ex had the week on week off arrangement and DH works five minutes from where BM lived & SD went to school so he was driving SD to school on his weeks, so it wasn't that big a deal. But, it was a pain if she got sick on his weeks because I had to drive an hour each way to get her. (BM could have gotten her as she lived a few blocks away but put it on DH to take her to the doctor so he could pay for it and instead of him leaving work, I would have to go get her) Her doctor was not too far from her school which was good. and of course it was a pain for me to drive an hour each way every afternoon through rush hour traffic. It was also expensive in fuel.

Ima,

I think that the mom and the father used to live much further away, dad had to drive to see his kids. He currently has weekends or EOW. Now mom is moving closer, so he is hoping for more 50/50. I dont know who moved away to begin with, but pre-move mom had primary custody. My guess is dad feels his situation will be improving through no effort of his (X is mvoing closer).

Does your area have a restriction clause where she can't move out of the school district or more than a certain amount of miles from the marital home?

Also often when a parent's move inconveniences the other parent, the parent who moves does all the driving. Thus she may move to the top of the C, but she's now required to pick up and deliver the kids to where you live at the bottom of the C, or meet you halfway--in short the burden of transportation caused by her move is going to be hers.

I'd give a quick call to your lawyer and ask if your jurisdiction gives the other parent the option of objecting to the move in court.

kkny, I understand that mom has primary and if she moves closer, dad may get more time. I'm just saying that they should consider who is going to have to run to the school to get the kids when they are sick, etc. I'd be in favor of what is most convenient for mom if she is a single parent, but she should also consider what is best for the kids if she is going to rely on dad or his wife/GF to take the kids to the doctor, etc. so she doesn't miss time from work. If mom is going to rely on dad to help out more, she needs to make it convenient for him to do so. If she isn't going to rely on him, then she should be able to do what she wants. If she puts the child in a far away school where dad has to drive forty miles each way to take them to school on his weeks (if it goes 50/50), then the added expense of driving the kids to school should be considered in recalculating support.

BM originally broke what was agreed on (50/50) by moving 3 hrs away. For the time being it was agreed to have SD w/us during weekends/most holidays and the summer. FDH was trying to be supportive of her career decision. She ended up hating the job and decided to move back to the area because she wanted more of our "help" also. Hence where we are in the problem now of where she'll end up moving to.

Its just frustrating and its helped to vent it out here.

keepit

What is the story on school district/school choice?

I havent heard much discussion on school quality, just that blanket no. It seems your focus is only commute.

Are there really places where you can't move out of the school district?? My lawyer said that neither parent can be prevented from moving anywhere in the state, because that is considered by the courts to be unfair abridgement of your rights. You can't force someone to buy a house, and before I bought a house I was renting what was probably the only four-bedroom rental in the entire town. You might as well tell them they can't leave their house.

At any given point in time, there are probably not more than 10-20 houses for sale and perhaps one 3 bedroom rental in my town. Telling someone they have to stay in the same town is awfully restrictive.

kkny,

we're in a very large metro area. lots of larger and small cities in a collective area. In terms of school quality, there are plenty of good schools spread out but now she's limited what she's willing to do to one specific area closer to her.

Our parenting agreement limits movement in excess of 30 miles away from the other parent without 30 day notice.
When SD's mom moved back from the town 3 hours away she'd been in she moved close to her boyfriend who fortunately lived close to us - within 10 minutes. When she remarried she was torn between two homes - one in our district which needed some updating but that SD could have walked to on her mom days, or a much newer one 20-30 minutes away. Guesses on the one she chose? She now complains every time SD, at age 13, wants to go to a friend's, has practice, a school activity, etc. because of the drive it requires. Hmmm . . . did you not see this being an issue?

My biggest pet peeve, and this is way OT but feels good to vent, is that when SD is with her and wants a friend to come over or to go to a friend's the requirement is the other family do all the transportation both ways. There have been times SD's best friend's mom (who is a close friend of mine so I do take this somewhat personally) has done BM a favor and offered to take SD on a Saturday because BM has to work and the girls have a sports event. BM will actually tell the other mom, after asking for the favor, that she also needs to drive to pick up SD. REALLY? Are people really that clueless . . . or just that self-centered?

Whew. Thanks for the free space . . .