How old is she?
Any reason to believe she is trying to stir up trouble?
Any reason to believe she is frightened or insecure?
And how often has she done it? For how long?

She is trying to stir up S**t. Tha'ts all. If she truly has the number and yet has no reason to phone ...why should she be bothered that no one picks it up in the first place??:)
Then she phones her dad to complain......lol.....what a game!
Tell your FDH that you dont want to hear about the times she tries to phone the house anymore. Its obvious that she can't dial it right cause caller ID doesn't register her. So in the futur if she wants anything ot call his cell phone and he can relay the 'important' message she has to give to you at your home.

Well, I can see this differently. She is young, she can obviously be dialing the wrong number or the grandparents are giving her the wrong number. If she is, she is probably seriously wondering why you aren't answering her phone call. And is trying to ask DH, although not directly.

Next time you and FDH see her bring it up. Say something like "I am not sure what is happening, but everytime you call your dad and say nobody answered at home our phone has never rung and it never even showed on our caller id. " Then hand her a piece of paper with the phone number on it and say "so here is our phone number again in case you were not calling the correct number".

That should end it. If she was calling the wrong number she now has the right one. If she was trying to stir up trouble she sees it is not working and you both know she was not calling the house phone.

Yeah, we talked to her tonight and asked her what number she is dialing. She repeated our number correctly, so I am not sure what is going on.

You don't have a job, and you don't have any kids? It is interesting that no one picked up on that, when they are constantly pointing out that their stepchildren should be working long hours while going to college, because they all apparently had near full-time jobs while putting themselves through school.

She said she goes to school online and is home nearly all of the time. If that's the case, then it doesn't matter if she works or not. She's at home most of the time online doing her school work. Whether she has kids of her own is also irrelevant.

What is relevant is a child who is telling her father that she is calling a number that she knows she is not calling and can be proven by the caller id box at the house. If she is calling the home and no one is answering, then the child should be leaving a message on the answering machine for her dad, if he has one. If not, she should be calling his cell every time she wants to speak with him and if he doesn't answer, she can leave a voicemail.

The girl is stirring up trouble.

I'd question why she is calling the house??? Obviously, she can get ahold of her dad on his cell if she needs anything, what need is there to call the house, unless he is home. She's trying to get him to question you on it, hoping for a fight. See if daddy will side with her and stand up for her. He should tell not to bother you at home, she should be calling him. When kids make up stories, they don't think of all angles and her objective is to start trouble. I agree she should leave a message on his cell phone if she needs something and he can't answer his phone.

and I also recall that OP is pregnant so it might be asking too much to say she should work as well as college. and nobody has said that stepchildren should be working long hours while going to college. I said my son works part time while going to college and all kids (step or bio) should contribute to their college. I'm just guessing that OP is independent and not having her parents put her through college. If her husband wants to support her while she goes to school, that's his choice. Just like it will be his choice to support the family if she becomes a stay at home parent. I think OP's SD isn't the ONLY one trying to stir it up.... is she theotherside?

theotherside...is it an issue that I do not work? I am taking 18 credit hours of college online, and I receive financial aid to assist with living expenses. And I am currently pregnant with my first child, and not having the greatest pregnancy, which is part of the reason I quit my job.

And I agree with everyone in here. I feel like she is honestly trying to stir up trouble and I am not sure why. =\ I even called her tonight and asked her if she needed anything she said no. I also told her she could always leave a message on our voicemail if/when she calls.

So if someone's parents support them while they go to school, that is not ok, but it is ok for your husband or boyfriend to support you while you go to school? That makes no sense.

And yes, lots of posters have said that teenagers should be working long hours while going to college, and a number of them have recounted how they worked full-time or nearly full-time while doing so.

I worked when I was pregnant with my first child, as did almost everyone I know - why is it asking too much to say someone who is pregnant and going to college should work part-time? If she becomes a SAHM, then she will have a job - raising the child. That is not the case right now.

On April 7th, the little girl was 10, but according to the April 10th post, she is only 9. Which is she?

she will be 9 this week. So sorry I rounded up in the last post. I didn't think it was that big a deal.

and I have not once said that it is not okay for someone else's parents to support them. And like I said before, I receive student loans to help with living expenses.

You seem a little bitter that I do not work. When a doctor tells you that you are having a difficult pregnancy and you should take it easy, and you are able to not work and live within your means, are you to work anyway? I don't think so.

*typo....she will be 10 this week.

theotherside, it's okay for your kids to not work if you want to pay for all of their college. If the parent wants to pay everything, that's their choice. If I'm paying for my son to be in school and I feel he should also contribute, that's MY choice. I am not obligated, legally or morally, to pay for college 100% for my kids. I can ask them to work if I don't want to pay it all. and if I want to go to college now and work less, it would have to be okay with my husband. after all, he counts on my income for our living and if I lower my income to go back to school, it means he has to earn more or we have to spend less. either way it's a joint decision. If OP is married, she's a housewife. She doesn't need to have kids for it to be a job, all she needs is for her husband to agree to be the sole support.

Ima, I think there is lot more morral obligation (and in many states legal) for a parent to pay for a childs education than to pay for a spouses. And when child sees SM not working and going to school (and online to boot), child is more likely to consider SM a leech.

kkny- you're killing me!
If one spouse encourages another to go to school, online or otherwise, and has the income to support their household, isn't that the couple's decision? On top of that, if said spouse is pregnant with the couple's child, isn't it in the future child's best interest, long term, for the mom to do so?
Or should all of us breathing incubators just be housekeepers and nannies, plus work outside the marital home, and forget bettering ourselves? Or is it only MEN who should let their spouses put them through college?
Why is it women are so great at tearing each other down?

lisamarie.you do not have to explain to anybody why you do not work.its noones buissness but your own,Do not feel guilty for not working.how rude of theotherside to judge you.As for the reason you posted on here concerning the little girl.maybe she is just attention seeking,I wouldnt make an issue out of it ,its not too big a deal.

Cawfecup = SAHSM ... no kids home alone all day I must be the worst person in the world!!!

The kid is trying to get hubby to question you about your whereabouts ... no doubt.

Let it go, let him tell her she can't call him during the day unless its a medical emergency ie.. bleeding and dying. At 10 she is old enough to know when and when not to call someone... use the analogy can I call you at school anytime I want? NO why not ... because you'll get in trouble same thing with daddy you can't call him anytime you want he could get in trouble.

For whatever reason my parents had tremendous problem connected to my DD's number for like over a month. They repeatedly got to some people with dogs barking in the background. when they asked if DD is there people yelled: somebody pick up the phone! then nobody picks up the phone for 15 minutes, then they hung up.

My parents got charged for international calls, but didn't get to talk to DD. then when they finally got to her they asked if she is upset about something so she refuses to talk to them? she says they never called! then they told "dog barking" story and DD says there is no dog in the house and it is her cell phone that nobody else would answer, plus they have don't have land phone.

So DD was upset they never call, my parents were upset she does not answer the phone, i was upset grandparents never call DD in college. Who knows why when they dialed right number for like a month, it went somewhere else. and it could sound like stiring up some trouble if we would not know what really happened.

so hopefuly your situation is just some confusion.

I agree that it is no one's business if OP works or not. There is no rule that everybody has to always work full time. But....

I wonder if in about 8 years when SD will be in college, SM will insist that SD must work full time to put herself through college or so called "contribute". And how household finances are drained because SD is in school and doesn't work. I would not be surprised if SD will reply: "but you didn't work when you were in college (online). And dad supported you so why can't he support me not working and going to college (online or real)?"

And then it will be called SD is stirring up some trouble...

you have to pay student loans back and when you will be married paying loan back will come from family finances and if you still won't work then he will be the one to pay loan back.

Mrsmaddog,

It is because so many SMs here say no reason to pay or help with childrens college. Which is consistent with the main finaid website which shows staggering differences between the help children of divorced families get for college v. children of intact families.

I have no problem at all with online college, as long as it is accredited. I don't even have a problem with lisamarie's BF supporting her through college as long as when his daughter goes to college she doesn't have a problem with him supporting her and not asking that she work. What I have a problem with is all the SM's on this forum who think it is fine for an adult to have a SO put them through college, yet insist that their stepchildren work their way through school.

As for me my FDH having to pay back my student loans because I will not be working.....I am going to school so I can start a new career. What would be the point of going to school and getting student loans if I am not going to do anything with it?!?!

And as for FSD going to college and working.....I went to my bank and set up a college fund for her that we put money in monthly, JUST so she would have the opportunity that I have.

good for you! then it will be one SM less complaining about dad paying for SKs' college.

about the paying for school- I agree-there should be no question about the sk's getting money to go to college. The fight comes from when one parent refuses to pay their part. My ss's BM has already told us that she will not be helping pay for her son's college. He's only 10 so she could change her tune, but since she won't pay her part of medical payments which are court ordered. I guess we will be paying all of the college expenses - just like we will likely be paying for all his orthodontics because its cosmetic. We are still checking with the lawyer on the orthodontics but my gut says we're going to lose that legal battle, but morally she will pay in the long run.

lisamarie- I'm so glad you are thinking ahead for college. With the cost of school going up every year, I'm sure everyone with younger kids should be thinking this far ahead.

How often does FDH call SD? Or see her at this point?

This could just be SD using this as a reason to call him, in other words a cry for attention from Dad.

I suppose I should mention this to my BIL, who didn't work for 18 months to finish his masters, ONLINE. My SIL paid for everything, including child support for his son.Never mind that now he is able to earn a better living, and help pay for college for both his and their child.
My DH worked full time and went to school full time, while married with children! In my eyes, his wife supported him by being there to take care of the home and kids. Marital support isn't always money. Likewise, helping kids go to college can mean paying tuition or giving them a free place to live while they work and study, or sometimes both.
As to the original post, if this is attention seeking, then it's up to dad to politely remind SD that he is at work and tell her he will call her as soon as he gets home, then DO IT.If he gives in,and starts chatting even once in a while, he is reinforcing the behavior.

lisamarie,
i didn't know you were pregnant. Congrats! sorry to hear its a rough pregnancy. I know how that feels.
Yes your sd is stirring up trouble because she is insecure that you are pregnant and she feels her dad is focusing on you and his new life with you. THis is why the phone calls are aimed at the house you are in 24/7 and not his cell phone directly. ITs to show her dad that you do not pick up the phone cause in essence it would show you have something against her. Does she has a relationship with you to phone? If she knows her dads phone wouldn't she be phoning him?:) Unless you have tons to talk about (considering you are studyng at home and are pregnant..not like you have loads of time, ) then she should be phoning her dad.BUt she is not.
The proof is there lisa. She's 10. She's insecure and she is doing this on purpose for attention. CUt it off right away. Tell her to phone her dad if she wants something cause it is very obvious she is not dialing your number.
Also tell your FDH to take her aside and speak to her about her feelings to reassure her that the new baby coming in will not replace her. They just need to hear that , especially from her dad.
Also. please check and see if Biomom blocked the phone from where she is phoning! Cause my SD was trying to phone with her moms cellphone and she said i was not picking up. I told her. ' you called from who's phone? I have caller id and the phone operator could have assisted you. Your phone call didn't come through. Which means, your mother blocked the number out.:)
If you are in good standing with biomom, then its probably not blocked and its just SD feeling insecure. your DH should handle the rest.

biomom just died if i understand it correctly...

I think it is VERY sad that there is so much suspicion here of a ten year old child. Everyone seems so sure she is stirring up trouble, as if she is competition for attention. She is a child, not an adult. Would you treat your own kids this way, if you knew they were hurting?

Who knows what the deal is? Are you marrying her dad? IF so, you should be working on earing her trust and being the bigger person, seeing as you are the adult. Maybe you should call her? Just to say hi and see how she is doing.

decorpas,

She IS trying to stir up trouble. She IS competing for attention. and yes, she IS a child. Acknowledging that she is doing these things doesn't mean she wrong or bad. The OP is trying to understand what is going on and why would she do this and maybe needs suggestions on how to handle it. The answer is she wants attention or she wants to get dad mad at FSM. Those are the facts of what she is doing. It would be wrong to say 'evil child' and call her a troublemaker and blame her for causing a problem. She's being a child and children don't always know how to communicate their feelings so they act out. Now that OP knows why she's doing it, she needs to be the adult and handle it in a way to help the child feel more secure. She's gotten some great suggestions here.

That's an excellent suggestion for her to call the child and try to earn her trust. I think I also suggested that dad should tell her to call him directly, that would redirect the focus from FSM to dad/child. I also think dad should spend more time making her feel she isn't losing him and this new baby won't replace her. (someone else said that too) It's one thing to say 'she's starting trouble' and use it to blame her for problems and another thing to acknowledge that her starting trouble is a cry for attention and she's a child that is communicating her needs by acting out. Of course it's up to the adults to act like adults.

as for my own kids, I can tell when they are trying to cause problems or get other people in trouble. I also look for the reason they are doing that. I would treat them the same. I don't blame children for acting like children. Now my teenagers that try to start trouble to deflect from what they are doing wrong, I can also see through that. That is not a cry for help or attention, so I treat that differently.

good points, imamommy....and I agree-- so long as the child isn't being blamed. A great idea to have dad spend some time with the child to reassure her as well. I'm sure this is tough for everyone-- I just know how hard it can be on a marriage if there is tension between the child and the sp.

I don't think you should assume she is trying to do anything, other than get a hold of her father. She is a little kid - how do you know she is not using the wrong area code, or forgetting to dial 1 first, or getting confused about which number to dial? I have told my kids numerous times not to call me on my cell when I am at work, but to call on the work phone, but they still sometimes forget, and they are a lot older than that girl.

i shared a story how for the last at least a month my parents (who don't stir trouble)dialed DD's correct number confirmed by me multiple times and got to somebody's house with dogs barking and loudly talking men in the background. DD had no record of their phone calls (because it never went to her house) but my parents have a record of them dialing that number. they dialed correct number but it conncted to someone else's house. so if such thing can happen to adults why can't it be that little girl's phone calls went somewhere else?

I know many people who know i cannot answer my cell phone at work and yet they call once in awhile.

I doubt anyone at age 9-10 can be that sneaky.

Its not a matter of being sneaky. She has her fathers cell number. She phones him to notify him that when she calls the house, lisa doesn't pick up.
Well there is an obvious problem with one of two things.
1. The phone is not working properly
2. She is not dialing at all and this is an attention thing.
Her mom just past away. It could be she wants to also be reassured that she is accepted by lisa. When my mom pasted away, i wanted to make sure the next 'mother' figure would be in good standing with me and not knock me off to the side.
She phones her dad to complain you do not pick up the phone. Tell her to phone her dad when she needs something since she is having problems with the main phone line. She's going through alot of emotions now. and it will get worse. Just avoid negativity here. Tell your SD to phone her dad's cell phone from now on for anything. And you lisa can call her back whereever she is if she needs to speak with you.
Both of you sit down with daughter and explain this. Tell her its obvious you cannot reach the house for whatever reason. Please phone your fathers cell. If you need to speak with lisa, someone else will reach lisa and lisa willphone you.
How about that?