Hi, IÂm somewhat in your husbands shoes. Although I donÂt spend most of my free time with my son though (only see him every other weekend), but when I do get him on the weekends my wife compares the time I spend with him vs. the time spend with my 2 year old daughter (who IÂm with full time, by far no comparison). Problem here is no matter how much time he spends with his son youÂre likely to compare it to how much time he spends with your daughter. Advise from a male; if you have already discussed the problem with him try to be specific about how much time would make you happy (donÂt be disappointed if he puts her in your lap the very next second after your agreed time). ItÂs unfortunate we men have a different tolerance level with babies; they are a lot of work! And unfortunately our nature is so attentive to changing diapers, screaming feeds, gripey, burping, etc We would rather chop wood, cut the lawn, or attend other chores than to attend to a babyÂs needs, if your wise you should set aside a list of chores for him to give you a break in other ways. If heÂs like me he will contribute more and more when she gets older and starts asking for him Guys canÂt resist a little girls voice that says there name.

"To add, my husband has severe anger problems and had hurt me emotionally, physically and mentally. This was the reason why his exwife left him, she couldn't handle this attitude."

That scares me! Get that man into anger management classes, and if he so much as touches you with the intent ot hurt you, call 9-1-1 and get him into jail.

He's a serial abuser - his ex had the good sense to leave him for it. You CAN'T handle it, and you are betting your life and your saughter's life on what you think you can do! Abusers will continue to abuse, and the abuse gets worse and worse.

Take your daughter and get out of there NOW! Do you want your daughter to grow up think that it's OK for daddy to hit mommy? To think that accepting abuse is OK, that that is what women do?

Thanks guys for giving some insights on my situation. Right now, I am really confused on what's best to do, any advice is highly appreciated.

Yes, my husband has severe anger problems and it's really scary when he's on peak of his anger, but when he calms down, he is very good in undoing. I have difficulty with my situation because 1st, of his anger problems, then 2nd of the way he treated his son from 1st marriage. He is not really fair. I know being forgiving is what God wants us to do but I am thinking of my future and my daughter's too, the kind of life she will have with an abusive father.

I am thinking of moving out the house but also, another side of me wants to save the marriage as much as we both can.

You are right lazygardens, I believe the same way you do too that abusers will continue to abuse.

I'm just so confused right now, good thing he is working out of country at this moment.

but when he calms down, he is very good in undoing

All abusers are ... it's what keeps you hoping things will improve, and keeps you from leaving, and keeps them from having to go out and find another woman as an outlet for their anger. And the next round of abuse escalates a bit, the "honeymoon period" is shorter and next thing you know, you are in the ER with a broken jaw and ribs, wondering how it ever got that bad.

http://www.aaets.org/article144.htm

I know being forgiving is what God wants us to do

Forgiving does not include staying in harms way! Forgive him if you want to, but do not give him any opportunities to do anything he will need to be forgiven for ever again.

I'm not Christian, but here are some relevant verses on the Christian God's requirements for husbands. Anger and abuse aren't in there.

1 Peter 3:7 ... Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Ephesians 5:25 says Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church ... In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church

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Before he gets back, get some counseling, and make an escape plan. He has to be willing to change his abusive ways or you should be out of there, into a safe house with the daughter, immediately.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS INABILITY KEEP HIS TEMPER, HE IS.

If he wants to save the marriage, he'll be willing to get anger management counseling and marriage counseling.

Dear Unhappy, is your husband willing to go to counceling with you? Have you sat down with him in a calm way and told him exactly what you are feeling?
I know that just packing up and walking away is a lot harder than it sounds. It does take resources to support yourself and your Daughter. If your husband does abuse you in all these different ways, do you think he will do the same things to your daughter as she ages? If you really think he is dangerous you do need to get out now. Your daughter is new born and will have no memories at this stage but wait any longer, and she will be damaged.

As for his little boy, he to is entitled to his Daddy's affections and love. This is not the fault of a 5 year old, but the fault of a grown man.

Be Strong and Good Luck

Unhappy...Please do not be angry at your husband for spending time with his 5 year old son. As a father, he is trying to do the right thing. It is sad that he has spent so little time in his son's life. And the little he has...you resent him for, and are angry...which make you one of "those" step-mothers who try and seperate their husband from his own child through anger, resentment, etc.
Did you have both of your parents in your life as a child...if not, can you remember what it felt like as a child, to have a parent remarry and move into another home and build a new family that did not include you? That is what is happening in so many childrens lives today. A divorce happens, and then one or both remarry...building a new life that does not want to include his own children!

I "get" that he is gone alot...and you wanted the time with your new little family. Your baby will have no memory of this, and perhaps you two should have talked prior to his bringing his son with him at this time, and communicated whether this was the right time for him to come, and how much time your husband would be home before another trip, and how much of that you needed with just him.

In terms of his being away so much...did he have this job prior to you marrying him?

And in regards to his anger...he should get counceling specifically for managing his anger...or it will haunt him throughout his life, causing problems with his relationships with those close to him. Life is stressful.

Jujubee is right...this little boy is entitled to his fathers time and love, just as your child is. You knew going in that you married a man with a child. Do not become one of "those awful women" who do their best to destroy that relationship.