So glad to hear things are going so well - such a relief for you I'm sure! I hope the good times continue . . . .!!

Thanks JNM! Rereading my post I did not mention how *nerrrrvous* I was. I think I lost four pounds from fright in the 24 hours before they came.

I don't have kids, I'm not used to kids, and if some kids said to me some of the things that kids say to SMs/GFs here I think I would completely lose my nerves and cry. I only ever have spent a couple of days with these kids in the past, partly because of the distance/visitation schedule and partly because I stayed back the first year I dated their father and let him have lots of alone time with them, without me. Now it is time to bond! I think they see me as a "cool" adult, and they look at me a lot out of the corners of their eyes to see my reaction to things - songs, tv shows, etc. They smile at me a lot and want to be the one to hold my hand, sit by me, etc. In the last two days I have received a letter, a picture, and a beaded necklace all handmade! =-) And in fairness I have been working really hard the last year and few months to make sure that I am a person they would like.

I have a lot to learn...I just keep remembering that I'm the adult and luckily, my BF has a very clear and correct grasp on reality and the way all things involving the kids should be handled.

Again, remembering my dad's former GF who was wonderful with me at that age has provided many pointers for me. They broke up in 1993 and he is now married to my SM, but I have never lost touch with this woman and still appreciate her in my life - that's how I would like these two to feel about me when they are adults.

This thread is going to turn into my blog if I'm not careful...but just had to mention...BM has a history of sending the girls without weather-appropriate clothing. Sure enough, BF discovered yesterday in the suitcase - no socks for DD9 and no coats for either DD9 or DD5!! Believe it or not, they were not even packed long-sleeved shirts for a trip to the NE in spring. @^$??

It was too cold outside for them to walk to the nearest metro station or department store (we live downtown in a metropolitan area) and so BF had to wrap them in my old, shrunken fleeces and cab it to Macys. He called BM and she said, "Oh geez, I can't believe it, I'm such an idiot" etc. etc. If I recall, she did this last summer too, "forgetting" to pack them bathing suits when she knew we were going to a water park. BF says this is her way of getting them new clothes. They have nice coats already - that is why she is getting thousands per month in child support, so that they can be provided with all the things they need.

I would gladly buy them clothes with my own money if we were out somewhere and they saw something they had to have, and I'm just the GF. But BM leaving BF stuck with two kids, no car and cold weather is not right.

I said to him that maybe she honestly just forgot or was in a hurry while packing, but the look BF gave me indicated he thought otherwise. Sometimes when you meet people they seem so nice that it's hard to believe that they can also be so nasty and/or conniving.

It is possible that she is forgetful, of course it is possible that she is just devious, too.

DH's ex was raising their three grandsons, then lost 2 and was about to lose the last one when she called us 5 years ago. We received him with just 8 hours notice, completely changing our lives. We had planned to enjoy our empty nest in a few years. DSGS was 9 then, special needs, never any direction or discipline, would eat ONLY McD's HAMBURGERS, and PEPPERONI pizza. Period. That's all. And he was very stubborn and had a very hot temper. And had been abused by his older brother and largely ignored by his exotic dancer/druggie mom. He had no education whatsoever, except playing video games 16+ hours a day. We had a rough couple of years at first, but now is going well most of the time.

His DGM buys his school clothes, otherwise we ask for nothing from her. He is our kid now. But last year for school she bought him size 36 waist jeans when he wears 30-32. He spent the summer with her, so she knew his size. He has big feet and is already at that clumsy awkward stage, so the size 13 shoes she bought were no help with his clumsiness when he wore a 12. We just shut up and bought different jeans and shoes. This winter, we bought him a coat and boots without her "help" because we wanted clothes that fit. Some things are just not worth the hassle. It is weird, because when the boys were small, she used to send "orders" to DH for clothes for Christmas gifts - size, style, character logo, etc., and back then always gave him a couple of sizes too small. Then she'd call up and say how she had to bring them back to the store and exchange them AFTER Xmas for the right sizes. The boys didn't get to open their grandpa's gifts on the big day.

This lady is such a test of patience, the minister began to throw her out of church about five minutes before their daughter was married. She is horrible. But we all manage to get along for the kids' and grandkids' sakes. I even allow her to hug me goodbye when we pick up DSGS, even though I shudder inside.

Last summer, she made elaborate arrangements to get DSGS back home to us before school started. She called a few days BEFORE school started to see how it was going. DH told her it didn't start yet for a few days and she started yelling at us for getting him back home so early. He reminded her that it was HER idea to send him home when she did. Now she has said she won't be able to take him at all this next summer. I know she'll change her mind, but if she doesn't, it will crush DSGS not being able to see her, his mom, his aunt and cousins. The woman just doesn't think.

Sorry, didn't mean for this to become a book. We are lucky that we get along with the ex. When DSGS is with us, we raise him, discipline him, love him with no interference from ex. And when she has him in the summer, it is the same with us. And we are lucky also that she lives far away in another state, so no interference during the school year. Believe me, if she lived close, it would be a daily occurrence from the stories my in-laws have told me.