Newly wed has encouter with stepson while Dad is away!

18 years ago

My husband is away on a hunting trip. His 43 yr old son chose this time to ask me for money. He has taken money from his dad since his mother's death 10 years ago. He seldom works, chain smokes, drinks heavily and bowls frequently. Yet, he lost his home due to unpaid back taxes. My husband gave him the property and had no idea that this was going on. He told him no more hand outs because he was now a married man with responsibilites.

I am upset at my answer to him which was this is a bad time to ask for money since we have wedding expenses to be paid off. I hated to be the bad guy and say NO MORE HANDOUTS. Gratefully, we did have a pre-nuptial agreement. I have 4 children of my own to protect. How can I be more assertive and take the chance of being the mean stepmother who closed the Daddy Bank?

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Comments (6)

sylviatexas1
18 years ago
'He told him no more hand outs because he was now a married man with responsibilites.'

*Dad* closed the Daddy Bank;
son just thought maybe the ATM would work!

He probably knew his dad was away & hoped you'd either be a softer touch or you'd be reluctant to say no to your new hubs's son.

You aren't the bad guy;
you were the target.

Good for you for standing up to him!

Tell your husband the whole story when he gets home;
he can tell his son not to hit you up for money under any circumstances
& to stay away from you when he isn't there.
dotz_gw
18 years ago
Hi Johelen..You can be more assertive by being more assertive...He probably will think you re the mean stepmother, but if you cant afford it, you cant afford it....My DH refused to give SS money(he didnt really even need it)he had money of his own and a great job, but wanted DH to pay for half his wedding....SS figured it was me saying no, so he really hasnt communicated with his dad in over a year now..If a grown child cant accept the fact you cant(or dont want )to give a handout, what can you do? Hold your head up and let him get angry, I guess...
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imamommy
18 years ago
I'd have told him 'you need to ask your dad.'

He was trying to take advantage of the fact that you are the new wife and you'd say yes to him because you want peace in the family.

You aren't raising him so the answer should always be 'you need to talk to your dad about it.' and it may not matter what you say or do, when dad says no, he'll likely blame you and say it's your fault. He'll use guilt to manipulate. I guess it doesn't matter if they are 10 o 40.
ceph
18 years ago
I think Sylvia hit the nail on the head - you aren't being the meanie here, SS is being manipulative.
I think you did just what you should have and I agree that you should talk to DH about it when he returns. Hopefully DH will reiterate FIRMLY to him that the Daddy Bank is closed, and so is the SM ATM.
johelen
Original Author
18 years ago
Thanks for your support and advice. I have decided that I will not answer my phone whenever I see that it is him and his dad is away. His dad did call and I told him the situtation and he has said that he will assure him that the daddy bank is closed.
Wow! I had no idea that stepchildren could be so brazen. I have 4 grown children and non would ever do that to me; let alone him.
organic_maria
18 years ago
Good for you! But i'll be honest, from my perspective, i wouldn't call myself a SM to a 43 year old man. He is a man, not a child of any sort. I wouldnt consider myself a mother of any type to his age. I would be his fathers new wife..lol.
My husbands father had 2 other woman after his wife died. My DH never referred to them as SM. He referred to them as his fathers new wives.

Newly wed has encouter with stepson while Dad is away!

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Newly wed has encouter with stepson while Dad is away!

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sylviatexas1

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