Your husband should not leave you in charge if you are not expected to be able to have a role in the dicipline. You need to speak to your husband about what he wants your role to be. If you are going to take on the role of being a true parent and getting him off to school and cleaning the house and cooking, etc. then you need to be able to have a say in how things are done and he needs to back you up. If he can't do that, then you need to make sure your husband is the one who does the chores his son refuses to do. You need to make sure he is the one responsible for getting his son off to school. It is not reasonable for you to have most of the responsibility, but none of the authority.

I believe in the principle of NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION: if I have to do the work, I have the right to decide about it, otherwise I can not be held responsible for it. This is true in any relationship, public, professional, private or parental.

I nipped in the bud the chores'problems because I simply prevented it, having seen a number of stepmothers having to juggle two full time jobs, without any thanks for it.

When my SS came to living with us, given my husband'schedule,I did know I was at risk to became the enforcer of the rules so I sit dow with my husband and said: I work and you work, and a third person in the household (especially if he's a teenager) means more housework to do. My time is worthy just like yours, so let's discuss how to distribute this additional load.If your son has to help with the housework, you will be responsible for enforcing this rule, if you prefer to have him concentrating on his studies, you can pay after your pocket for a maid coming and doing this additional work.

My husband as he's out all the day and did not want to being constantly on the phone checking on hs son, decided to pay somebody else to do the jobs his son is not doing. So a maid is coming twice a week and does all the "heavy jobs", floors, vacuming, deep cleaning the bathrooms and the such, better done when nobody is home, and I do only the everyday little jobs, while my husband and my SS are responsible for household and food shopping: my husband for the big week groceries, he has the car, and my SS for the milk etc..He tried to "forget" about it but he found himself without milk for HIS breakfast next morning and he has never forgotten since! (i had breakfast in a cafthat day !)

By the way, I do only the "general" housecleeaning: the common areas, or bedrooms, our pets, the garden etc..my SS and my husband are responsible for my stepson room (the first two monts they "forgot" to cleaning it, I "resisted" and in the end they had to paid the maid for 4 additional hours! out of my husband and SS pockets! from then on the room receives regular maintenance) and SS laundry, trasportation: I try always to be kind and helpful in a pinch but I did take care to not get responsible for anything as I work too.

About general cluttering, "forgotten" items, I take note (with a bit of practice you develop a kind of selective blindness) just of items belonging to to my husband or to me, everything else is left to lie where it fall or if it is in a common area (kitchen, living room entrance) is swept in conveniently placed box (I purchase three square wicker basket that double as additional sits) or left it at the mercy of the dogs: after the first costly sneaker got chewed (and my husband spending a Saturday afternoon shopping for a new pair) things got differents in a hurry.

In other words: put your stepson in the BEST condition to fend for himself, notify your husband that you have done your job and that's it, the results are THEIR responsability.If he has to take a medication at a certain hour and he forgets about him, purchase him a 6 dollars' little pill box with an alarm, and ask your husband to put the pill in it and leave it on your SS bedstand, then the next morning, if your SS decides to not to take it, is his choice, and he will have to discuss it with your husband.

If you and your husband decide to not go the maid's way, and your SS is to be assigned chores, make theses chores directly related to HIS and your husband's quality of life (cleaning his room, separating, doing and collecting his and your husband laundry, preparing his bag and his breakfast for next morning, cleaning the garage or your husband study etc..) so THEY will bear the consequencesof their (in)actions.

This I think is the key: growing up is having to live with the consequences of what you chose to do or not to do. This is true for for your SS but also for your husband.

If you can be really consistent (and I know it is hard) it really works and it will not only help your SS to develop skills that will be useful for the rest of your life but make your husband to realize the kind of job is parenting instead of delegating it to you.