And we did try phasing the girl out. My dd made excuses why they could not hang out all the time for about a month and the girl kept calling and trying to make plans. She is actually at our house right now, playing for a few hours. Before she came over she was trying to get my dd to ask me if she could sleepover, but my dd told her that she was not asking and she could not sleepover. The girl has been being bossy all day and when my dd says she does not want to play something that she wants to play she was repeatedly asking my dd to play it. I finally looked at the girl and told her that if someone says no then it is rude to continue asking! I don't want to be mean to the girl, but she does not accept the answer no. I know it is probably the fault of the grandparents because they love her and tried to give her everyting to make up for her parents, but it is so hard not to dislike the girl!

I don't think it's being mean to set the rules in your house. No, she's not your child but she comes over and you can set the guidelines for her behavior in your house. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't get to come over. period.

It sounds like this girl wants to be part of a family or be around you because she likes what she sees. You don't say how old the child is but she is a child and I'd be sympathetic as she is in a bad situation and you can either reach out and be the family she looks up to or you can shut her out because her family is messed up.

Such a sad and tricky situation. On the one hand it's so hard not to feel sorry for the poor girl, but on the other everyone has limits to their patience! I wish I could say "aha! here's the answer..." but I really can't. My only suggestion would be that it would likely be easier on the girl's self-esteem if it didn't come across like it was your dd's decision, but something more "neutral" that's outside of her control. Because if it comes across at all like her "only friend" is choosing to reject her, it'll really hurt, and of course be awkward for your dd. I mean, I know kids should be able to learn and gain experience dealing with awkward situations directly, but in this case I think it would do more damage than good for dd to deal with this situation on her own. I dunno, maybe make up an excuse like you or dh has just been diagnosed with severe migraines (chronic, lifelong) and simply can't deal with the slightest bit of noise. And/or come up with some really strict unreasonable "house rules" (to apply only when friend is over, of course) that make it pretty dang unpleasant for her to come over. Like for example everybody has to whisper at all times or no chewing or games (b/c they're "too loud") or a big long list of tv shows they're "not allowed" to watch (again, b/c they're "too loud"... which frankly IS most tv!). Just be the heavy, the hard-a$$... really strict and in-their-faces and constantly saying things are "off-limits". You might not be her grandma's favorite person, but it's your house, you have a right to these "rules" (wink, wink). And the girl is soooooo much less likely to take it personally when it's you & dh being inhospitable instead of dd. Hopefully it won't take too long before she finds a new best friend with much more permissive parents (poor saps). Best of luck, hope this works (I've never been too good at that situation either...)

...and it doesn't have to mean the friendship is *entirely* over... hopefully with enough barriers to the frequency/level of contact friend wants with your dd in particular, she will be more motivated to make *multiple* friends instead of putting all her eggs in one basket... and the more friends she makes, the more socially developed she will be and will be able to make even more friends. Maybe this can even be somehow explained to her in the nicest way possible, like "we're kinda tired tight now (you know, from all the migraines) and can't handle visitors all night, but maybe for an hour... People aren't always available all the time, so it's good to try and have a lot of friends... maybe after you leave here you can stop in and see what Suzie Neighbor is up to, or Billy Down-the-Street..." It *is* true, after all, and would definitely enrich her life to learn to spread her friendship around...

Haven't posted before but remember a situation when I was growing up. There really isn't a simple answer.
However, as the calling is too much and the only way she contacts your daughter, why not get a non-listed or non-published number. You can call 411 and get a non-listed number if you know how it's listed or last name and address. A non-published is never given out.
With her being bossy to where your daughter does not want to play with her, I totally agree that you handling the situation would be better.
Best of luck.
Lynn

It's probably to late to set ground rules if your daughter doesn't want to be with her. She shouldn't be allowed to come over, doesn't matter the age as far as I am concerned. If the girl wants to know why tell her the truth, she won't take no for an answer, she calls to much, argues, etc., etc..

if DD trully didn't want some of the kids to come over, she used to say mom is not feeling well or is very tired or has to go to bed very early. we always lived in a small place and, really, if you do not feel well there is no escape.

as bad as I feel for the girl, if your daughter doesn't want to play with her, then girl shouldn't come over. I mean it is sad, but you cannot force friendships.

It almost sounds like this little girl is desperate to avoid being at home?