Letting go feels good... but still, she has a lot of nerve!

15 years ago

I haven't accompanied DH to pick up SD since around Thanksgiving. I stopped going because I am pretty disgusted at her flaunting her spending in our faces (big Halloween party where she didn't have enough money to transport SD home, etc.) while she hasn't paid her support since she lost her job (she was found to be embezzling while on her maternity leave) so I've stayed away as part of my disengaging. (which is easier said than done sometimes) She's had a few parties, including a huge New Years bash. Good for her. But she owes almost a year in back child support, she has not given DH one penny for SD & won't budge an inch when he wants or needs something... unless of course, there's something in it for her.

Well, last night SD is talking to BM & tells DH that her mom wants to talk to him. I overhear him asking how much farther is it? How long would it take? So, later he tells me that BM is going to a Super Bowl party on Sunday & wants him to drive to where the party is to pick up SD so she doesn't have to leave the party & meet him at her house. The town she'll be in is another 10 miles in the other direction so she's asking him to drive further or take a completely different route, either way it adds over half an hour to his already 6 hour round trip. He told her to text him the address but I didn't hear him say yes. He wants to know where he's going before agreeing to anything which is smart.... although I would have told her to suck eggs on the spot. It's a good thing he's not me, because I know that would only make things worse. lol

As much as I want to ignore it, and really it has nothing to do with me... I am not going so it doesn't have much impact on me, I just think it takes a lot of nerve. She blew off the last two court hearings & has another one on Monday (the 7th) which I doubt she'll come to. She still has a bench warrant that nobody seems to care about and she most likely doesn't even have a license. But, going to a Super Bowl party is a priority... besides the fact that (in my opinion) it's not the best place for kids to be... with people yelling at the screen, cursing, drinking, etc. BUT, I know lots of people have those parties & have their kids around. I'm just not into watching football much so that's not really the point. I'm just irked that she would even ask him to do that for her. She can leave her party, drive SD back to the house on time to get picked up & go back to her party.... I'd feel differently if she ever did anything to make his/SD/our life easier... or pay something toward the support of her daughter. OR BE A MOTHER TO HER DAUGHTER~ Something!

and it really bugs me that I'm even irked. Like I said, it's not MY problem & I have nothing to do with it... except witnessing what she puts SD & DH through with her self-centeredness.

I just needed to vent.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (16)

parent_of_one
15 years ago
why is he even driving? she pays no CS, she is the one who moved, I think she should be doing all the driving (did judge ordered him to drive???), also is she going to pay back CS? I don't see why DH has to drive extra? There is no way I would drive 6 hours every weekend, I commute 2 hours daily, no way i would drive 6 hours on a weekend and if somebody asked me to drive extra 10 miles? No way. If judge ordered him to drive, well then OK, but judge didn't order extra 10 miles to accommodate parties.

I really think with such distance visitations should be moved to EOW or once a month. It seems unreasoanble. OK, mom doesn't work but dad does. What judge orders working people to drive 6 hours on the weekends??? As crazy as BM is I am impressed she wants SD every weekend with such long distance. Most people have different arrangements. Heck some people wouldn't even bother every month with such distance!

I would also document how she asks him to drive extra and how SD is attending grown up parties and then discuss with a lawyer. This woman is so gross and your DH is too nice.
imamommy
Original Author
15 years ago
"As crazy as BM is I am impressed she wants SD every weekend with such long distance. Most people have different arrangements. Heck some people wouldn't even bother every month with such distance!"

When BM was doing the driving, she would cancel all the time. She now has her mom (in her 70's) drive to pick her up. The split of transporting was an agreement because he was trying to be accommodating to her when she moved. BM kept saying it was temporary, although we didn't know what she meant by that... he wasn't going to babysit SD while she set up her life over there & then let her have SD. But we also assumed things would not last long with the new BF, so we're surprised they're still together... but she still hasn't made much effort to get her DD after almost four years. I agree it's a long drive & he shouldn't have to do it but he also still owes over $5000 to the attorney (we've paid over $12k already) & it would be too expensive to go back to court over a drive that costs him $40 in gas each week.

But, I still don't think he should budge. If he gives her an inch, she'll take a mile!
Related Discussions
Go to the bathroom, get some water and feel free to read (LONG!)
Q
Comments (5)
It sure helps to vent, and what better place than here? You are trying so hard to be everything for everybody else that you've forgotten to look after yourself. Learn to say No now and then, and mean it. You might be a super woman, but Superwoman you aren't. So stop trying. Can you get occasional respite care for your mother? Try having a chat with the doctor, and the social worker at the hospital, or a local church or charity organisation. One day a week to yourself will be very rejuvenating for you. Pass the buck onto SIL if necessary. I have a friend who takes things on like you seem to, and people walk all over her with hobnailed boots. Now and then she remembers some good advice I gave her some time back - use the 'what if I were dead? ' tactic. In other words, if you got run over by a bus tomorrow, the world would still revolve, someone would step in to take over from you. They'd cope. So - sometimes, let 'em cope! Meantime, you need some free time, some space, and some freedom to live and breathe for yourself. You've earned that right.
...See More
Making SD Feel Like She Belongs
Q
Comments (134)
The only time in that stretch of time that I determined what a punishment will be was when A__ has made a sexist remark directly to me (I sent him to the bedroom until he was ready to apologize for not treating women with respect), so I'm not making his life horrible. I will uphold rules or rewards/punishments put in place by Mom or Dad, but rarely decide them on my own. Oh - and I have chair removal/replacement authority. TOS - the reason A__ gets sent to his room for things he says is that he will say horrible deliberately hurtful things at even very little things like "Please put your shoes in the closet so no one trips on them" or "No, you can't have a can of pop tonight. You had your can of pop this afternoon." When the response to a cheerful "OK kiddo, it's time to get your stuff together to go to soccer. We have to leave in 20 minutes." is a venomous "I hate you! You're the worst dad in the world! I want you to die so you can't be mean to me ever again", he goes to the other room to calm down (because screaming and throwing things often follows next if he's not sent to somewhere quiet to mellow out) and to think about why what he said was the wrong choice. Different kids have different reactions and different levels, so if your kids are angry with you, remark that they hate you and it gets left at that, then that's fine for you guys. If it's just grumbling about "You're so mean for always making me take my plate to the sink" or "I hate picking up the Xbox and you're a jerk for making me do it", then I agree with you that it's better just talk about how that wasn't nice and that everyone has to pick up after themselves. When it's malicious shouting, or sexism/racism/classism that's another story for us. FD - I'm not sure what's elaborate... Occasionally there are two parts (1- Go to the other room to calm down so you're not screaming any more or to think about why what you did was wrong and 2- The actual punishment)... The no dessert and do the dishes alone started off as just "You should be sitting at the table during the meal. I've asked you three times now to stay at the table through the meal, and if you get up again, you're not having any dessert" Then when he spit food on the table (on purpose) and refused to clean it up, doing the dishes on his own was added. Could I ask what you would have done in that situation? How would you have disciplined getting up repeatedly even though he was asked and told not to, followed by spitting food onto the table and belligerently saying "No. I won't. You do it." to his Dad when told to "Go get a dishtowel to clean that up." ? We know that no popcorn tonight for bugging the cats is a little abstract, but we can't come up with anything directly related to the cats (the only thing my BF thought of was making him clean the litter box for being mean to the cats, but thought that was too extreme) so we stick with popcorn and try to be consistent with it. Any alternate suggestions? Haha, FD - I got a good-natured chuckle out of your interpretation that his behavior isn't improving! I know it may not sound like it, but he IS getting better! Punishments for bad choices and rewards for good choices is working, believe it or not! I love him very much, but to be honest, how A__ was when I was first getting involved with my BF really made me hesitant to get serious with them. i could tell that A__ has a HUGE heart, and that made me take the chance that he and my BF were worth it! The progress I've seen in A__ over the past year has really been remarkable - my instinct that this bad behavior was remediable and would be worth it was right. Even five or six months ago, he was going to the other room about 4 times a day and was down to about 30 minutes of Warcraft, for breaking things on purpose (accidents are never punished for of course), for lying at least daily, for dumping his plate upside down onto the table when he was done eating, for screaming malicious things and swearing, for holding the cats upside down by their back legs, for throwing his clothes out the window or in the garbage because he didn't want to get dressed, and so on. The A__ of today is a peach in comparison to the A__ of six or eight months ago!! I haven't heard him swear in over two months, shouting name-calling fits are down to less than once a day from at least twice, he chases and annoys the cats but is no longer actually mean to them, he complains that he's bored at the table and tries to get up (and spit his food that one time) but his plate has remained upright for five months now, he rarely lies anymore and he'll admit it right away if he does, he'll still spend half an hour getting his socks on but he doesn't throw them out anymore... He doesn't try to sneak things into the cart or run away at the grocery store anymore because when he's good he often gets to choose dessert for that night but he always gets a high five when we get out the door for behaving so well at the store. He (usually) tells us if he has homework now instead of "forgetting" it at Mom's because he often gets to go do cool activities and always gets lots of praise for doing his homework without being asked. If he sees one of us cleaning, he often asks if we'd like his help because he knows that has gotten him 15 extra minutes of Warcraft in the past. So, yes, he's in trouble a lot, but he's rewarded a lot too! I've really made an effort with my BF about being consistent with him, asking him to do something (like put his socks on) well in advance, asking him to stop something (like using the computer mouse as a lasso) the first time he does it rather than getting angry the third time, telling him what the consequence/reward will be so he can make a better choice, etc. And now instead of more punishments than rewards, A__ gets more rewards than punishments. It used to be that the second my BF's back was turned, A__ was doing something bad, but now he's not! He's getting better about being good, even when no on is watching him. We "catch" him being good all the time, his behavior keeps improving, and he's getting better about rewarding himself! A__ being able to self-reward and self-chastise is a big struggle for everyone involved with him. His ADHD prevents him from getting a neurological boost the way that you or I do when we know we do something good and his poor decision-making skills (also a result of his ADHD) make it hard for him to see the right thing to do... But lately, he's been making better choices and telling us what he chose "I thought about ____the-bad-choice____ but instead I did ___the-good-choice___!!!" and we high five and whoop and holler and celebrate with hugs and kisses... I know this will seem ridiculous to anyone who doesn't know A__, but I almost cried this weekend when he made a good choice all on his own and self-rewarded for it!! Saturday morning, we did our usual routine (he wakes us up when he gets hungry around 8:30, I get him breakfast and go back to bed for a bit while he plays Warcraft, then BF and I get up around 10:30) and once I was up he said "Andguesswhat I got hungry again after breakfast, butguesswhat instead of having cookies that I knew I probably wasn't supposed to have, guesswhat I had the other half of my orange that you told me was in the fridge. Andguesswhat, since no one was up, I high-fived myself for doing what I was supposed to do!" OMG I was so happy I nearly cried! I think A__ was a little surprised by the extremity of my reaction: a HUGE hug and "A__ that awesome! I'm sooooo happy that you thought about what to eat and chose what you knew you were allowed to have! You did what you should even though no one was there to make you! That's such a great grown-up thing to do! Wow! I'm proud of you kiddo!" followed by more hugs and a high-five. Then when I passed this onto BF, he also came running from the bedroom, pounced on A__ with a hug and said "I'm proud of you A__! Would you like to have a wrestling match??" So I think what we're doing is working. A__'s behavior keeps getting better and he is always excited to come over, so musn't be too miserable :)
...See More
BF has child, I have none-help with nerves
Q
Comments (11)
Webegardnr ... I commend you and wish you much future happiness. I think BM getting along with Dad and SM is of vital importance. You have been able to negotiate a most difficult situation. Canine, if BM is a psycho now - just wait. It will get worse. Or perhaps, she is upset because her still married husband is seeing someone else. (That would make any woman psycho). That will also set the stage for her hating you forever because if she is in a situation where she was thinking she get get him back if you weren't in the picture - you will always be considered the villain and the tug of war will last forever. If you listen to statistics ... only about 30-35% of second marriages succeed. Childless second marriages fair much better. Its easy to see why. You are 38 yourself, so you are not a child and hopefully know yourself well enough to know if you are strong enough to handle what's ahead. If you have feelings of jealousy now - its not a good sign. You should resolve that now. I, for one, could never be a step mom. When a child comes into your home, you have to understand that it is much different than a child of your own that you raised for 10 years with your rules and expectations and desired behavior (even then - its dicey-LOL). Different people value different characteristics and have different disciplinary expectations. For example ... my sister in law is a finger print maniac. Don't ever ever touch the switchplate in her home when you turn on the light ... or use the wall to balance yourself going up the staircase. She is raising 7 children that know it is better to roll down the stairs than to use the wall next to the staircase to brace yourself against a fall. However, these same kids think nothing of riding their bikes over neighbors lawns, the 17 year old is allowed to go to drinking parties, etc. Definitely different priorities than in my home. Ok ... how do you take a child from one environment and have him fit well into a totally different one for 4 days a month. Its tough. I love children. I was a a Girl Scout Leader for 11 years, worked in elementary school, etc. I have dealt with some very difficult children, but ..... there were some that I was so happy to say goodbye to after being with them for 2 hours that I literally did the dance of joy!!! As much as I love children, I could never be a stepmother. What goes on in a workplace is different than coming home and having to deal with it. My home is my refuge. The only place I can control to suit me. My little world. Don't let me scare you away from this relationship, if you know in your heart that you can handle it and do whatever is in the best interest of the child (not you). That child will always be number 1 in many situations. If you think you could be a step- mom , that child could also be the greatest gift of your life in the long run. Step parenting is like a mine field from what I have read here. My sister is now going through a divorce after a very long marriage and we were laughing about her prospects of her finding a man with no baggage ... ex wives, children, ill parents living with him,addictions, incarcerations, nasty habits etc, etc !!! She knows that she could not handle children - adult or otherwise and would never attempt it. My brother has a wonderful girlfriend that chooses not to marry him until his 5 children are grown for several reasons. She is accustomed to her place being hers. (We get that way when we're a little long in the tooth). She also does not want to have her income pay for child support and other children's needs (which it would in the state in which they live). They have been together for 7 years now and when the youngest is 18 in about 5 years, they plan to marry and have a place of their own. She actually gets along very well with his children and they adore her, but she know she does not want to be a mother again, nor share her home with children. That doesn't make her bad. It means she's smart enough to know her own limitations and not get herself into a situation she doesn't want to handle. (She is so sweet I know she could handle it if she wanted to, but why add stress to your life). We had our first child after 12 years of marriage when I was on the shady side of 32 and it was a major (I am talking major) adjustment from the self absorbed life we had led as a couple to having to meet someone else's needs 24/7. Mine are in their teens now and believe it or not ... those younger years were the piece of cake. Our daughter just got her driver's license and we purchased a used car for her (12k), insurance costs 216 per month until she's 21, homecoming cost $500, senior year photos $860, and all that I give willingly because she's my angel .... the part I can't handle is the waiting for her to get home safely, the dating scene (quite a bit different than I was last out there in 1972), worrying about college acceptance, life choices, future plans, broken hearts, etc. I can see that I will be on prozac soon. Our son has completely different sets of problems (broken arm in football), doctor appointments that never end, driving to and picking up from football every single day (twice a day in the summer),miserable Spanish teacher, driver's ed, legs that grown an inch a week, a room that reeks of teenage boy smell no matter how clean it looks (what is that anywyas?). Its something you do gladly and willingly, do without financially, emotionally and logistically because they are your world. Could I do that for a child that I didn't raise - I don't think so. If you can, your rewards will be many or if you can't follow through with this relationship - it can be a living hell. Depends also on the Dad (your BF) and how willing he will be to support your needs as a Step Mom. Whatever you choose - much luck. Its not easy to make a rational choice when your heart is clouding your brain.
...See More
Week 7: Let's Go! Let's Go! L-E-T-'S_G-O!
Q
Comments (44)
First, Shicksal, great news. You're coming along really fast. Today is an odd day. At 6:30 this morning I went to Wal-Mart to put money on my debit card and buy a little hotdog roller for this job. My friend who is an electrician is here. I've got my two pendants over the peninsula hung, but learned somehow, the switch to them isn't powered, but the outlets next to them is. He's replaced two dimmers with regular switches. One of the benefits of doing this alone is the onus being off changing my mind. These dimmers just kinda made me crazy, so regular switches they're becoming. I gotta tell you. I'm a walking posterboard for Lutron. Now 15 dimmers, 12 motion sensors, and other fun stuff. Love 'em. He's also going to put in some outlets. Sad. I'll have to find other places to hang my laundry. He and another friend put a kitchen cabinet on the wall for me. I can hang 'em, but lifting these two onto cleats is way beyond my balance. Remember, I have to stand on the counter, press my head against the ceiling and screw things in. Lifting over a cleat and not falling off the counter backwards is something I don't want to attempt. But, getting this on the wall frees up a bunch of space. I can load it full of crap, then make doors. While he's working, I've put 4 handles on cabinets in my MBR. Got about 30 to go. I primed the two shelves for the cleat cabinets. They're an odd shape, W3624s. Custom, of course, from H4H and S.O.L.I.D. 3/4" maple. Minus shelves, so I cut those out of 3/4" MDF and will probably paint them a coral BM color I love. I've remudded the chewed up MBR wall. I've sanded and mudded yet again. I've gotten rid of 4 medium sized boxes of lighting materials, and a box of thrift store drawers I bought for their hardware and Blum release switches still attached. $2.00 a drawer box. Yeah man! I emptied the DW. Like to load it, hate to unload it. This was probably the greatest accomplishment of the day. Did a load of laundry/uniforms and got them into the dryer. Changed the cat litter. They're all happy with me. Arranged the MBR furniture and will bring the cabinets still in the kitchen back, since to paint I took a bunch down. I'm making room all over the place. I'll tell you. Lethargy, thy name is Christine. I hate this heat and incessant sun. This is more than I've accomplished all darned week, and it's only to kill time while someone else is working! Keep up the great work, all! You encourage me. Greenhaven, have a FUN time! Happy 4th, all!
...See More
parent_of_one
15 years ago
he shouldn't budge, but he probably knows she is nuts and would make his and SDS's life more difficult.

well BF stays with her because they have a baby, he probably feels guilty that his older kids are not with him full time and he wants to do right by this kid. BM knew what she did when she got pregnant and she probably going to guilt him into marrying her to do right by the child. Crazy.
dotz_gw
15 years ago
Sure , she has a lot of nerve asking for the favor, but I d be more ticked at DH for granting her the favor, if he does........
momof3_stepof1
15 years ago
I'm new to this forum, I've been reading for awhile but this is the first time to post. imamommy, you and I have a lot in common! My husband just got custody of my step son in October. His bm gave him up via text messaging. It's all legal and done. She moved to another state and is about 5 hours away from us. We only have to drive half way to meet her. She has yet to pay a dime in support, supposed to pay weekly beginning January 1 but hasn't bothered to pay anything yet. She is really good at trying to get my husband to do what she wants him to do. If I hadn't been there behind him saying "she cannot move him out of state without your consent" she would've faster then a blink of an eye. This was the first time he EVER stood up to her. I was so proud of him. If she EVER asks him to go there to pick him up or bring him to her over there and he agrees, I will fly off the handle!! I am through pleasing her. Your husband really shouldn't try to please her anymore either. If he has custody and she can't get her then tough. She doesn't get her. The kid will eventually see through the bm.
mattie_gt
15 years ago
Your BM is a very selfish woman with a huge sense of entitlement. Of course you're irked - it would be very irritating watching DH and SD catering to the whims of this woman who just sits there like a queen bee and expects her every wishes to be fulfilled. I'd be irked if DH or SS had friends who took advantage of them in that way, over and over.

BM has a court date the day after her Super Bowl party? Guess she'll be a no-show again. At some point the system is going to catch up with her, I hope.
imamommy
Original Author
15 years ago
DH & I talked about it last night. I reminded him of all the times she has screwed with him & hurt SD in the process... the time she was half an hour away at her mom's house, but didn't tell him. She told him that she would be home late & he said no, she needs to be on time because we have a long drive from her house. She drove back home & was on time, but SD said she was angry & yelling the whole way. That's who it really hurt, SD having to listen to her rant about how her daddy is so uncooperative & unfair, when all mommy had to do is let daddy pick her up from where they were & save everyone a lot of time & driving. That's how unbending BM is. If it meant saving DH some drive time, no way!

Well, he said that he doesn't want to pick up SD from the party but he's going to. As I was telling him how wrong I think that is... how she won't do a thing for him or her DD & now he's accommodating HER??? He quietly sat & listened to me, then asked me "If I force her to bring DD back to her house, how long do you think she'll make me wait in her driveway? I have a long drive & I just want to get her & come home" and he's right. BM would get to her house when she feels good & ready. One time, she was upset & sent SD with BF so when I got there, BM was home but I had to wait for SD to get there with BF.... almost an hour. We know how she is, she doesn't care if her DD gets home at 2am. So, he isn't doing it to please her... and I'm still irked by her even asking, but I kinda understand why he's gonna do it. Like I said, he goes by himself & I will be home, playing with the baby... but, it has crossed my mind to alert the cops to where she'll be. She has a warrant, no license & will probably be drinking.
silversword
15 years ago
Oh Ima, I know that feeling of wanting to make the call. A warrant, no license, drinking and driving with SD???

Now that is child abuse.
shakti2574
15 years ago
Perhaps your DH can stop ENABLING his XW, by saying OK if you cannot be home for the kid than let's skip this week's visit. (this will save him money for gas, esp when gas price is above 3)
momof3_stepof1
15 years ago
I agree, I think he just needs to say SD can't go for the weekend if she cannot cooperate.
imamommy
Original Author
15 years ago
Well, BM's mom picked up SD on Friday from school. This morning (Sunday), BM called DH & told him SD has been throwing up since 3am & has the stomach flu. I guess that put BM's plans out & she was going to be home for DH to pick her up. I made a suggestion that DH let SD stay at BM's until she is no longer sick, since BM is not working & SD can't go to school... he didn't want to ask her so he was still going to bring her home. The last time SD came home with stomach flu, everyone in our house had it for a week & this time, I told him that I was not available to stay home & take care of SD as I have to be out of town on Tuesday, so if she needed to be taken care of, he would have to stay home & take care of her... also, that if she gets DGS2 sick, he won't be allowed at daycare & I will have to stay home with him, which messes up my plans. As far as I'm concerned, BM knew of the risk because her other DD15 and her DS1 was sick with it last weekend apparently. She is the mom, she should nurse her DD back to health, right? If SD can't go to school, there's no reason BM can't take care of her until she's well enough to go back to school. After all, she could have warned DH that they've been sick since she knew everyone in her house has had it the last week or so. Anyway, DH arranged for SD to stay with her, at least until tomorrow/Monday.

Besides the physical discomfort of being sick, it affects us being able to work (=our income) & being a sole proprietor w/no employees at the time, it would force me to close business or my dad (he has a separate business in the same location) would have to run both of them, by himself because right now it's just the two of us. He doesn't need the added burden of me getting sick and/or possibly getting him sick too. As it is, I'm already taking time off because the daycare is closed on weekends & the other grandparents have not picked up DGS for two months... and it's no longer feasible to bring him to work with me, he gets into everything as 2 year old's do.

So, I'm aggravated now with the prospect of dealing with a sick child and/or having the illness brought to us & having it affect our already stressed finances. I'd just like to figure out how to stop being aggravated with everything... and feeling like everything is BM's fault in one way or another. I know that's unreasonable or irrational thinking. But, it's just one thing after another.
silversword
15 years ago
You aren't unreasonable or irrational IMO. You are being very reasonable and rational. If she's not working she should have volunteered to keep SD. And good for you to tell DH you can't stay home. If he doesn't want to ask BM, he should take care of the situation himself.

(((IMA)))
justnotmartha
15 years ago
"I'd just like to figure out how to stop being aggravated with everything... and feeling like everything is BM's fault in one way or another. I know that's unreasonable or irrational thinking. But, it's just one thing after another."

I don't have any solutions for you, Ima, I just want you to know I totally understand how you feel. You aren't alone.

I hope SD is feeling better and didn't infect the family. OR better yet, that she did stay with BM!

Hugs to you.
parent_of_one
15 years ago
She is not working, both you and DH do. It is unbelivable she didn't even suggest to keep a sick child until she is better. Plus she is not paying CS (is she still not paying?) and now she puts your finances in even more jeopardy if you have to take time off work.

I totally see how aggravating it is, I would be beyond furious. So sorry for what your family is dealing with...Hugs.
imamommy
Original Author
15 years ago
Well, SD stayed with BM and DH is going to pick her up after work today. No word on her condition, so I don't know if she is still sick or contagious and BM did come to court this morning... two hours late. Her hearing was at 8 so I went to hear what happened because DH didn't want to miss work & there was no other reason for him to go. Anyway, she wasn't there & after an hour, the DA mentioned she had changed it to 10am. So, I left to do a little shopping & came back at 9:45am. BM was leaving the courthouse so I guess I missed whatever happened. Oh well. I'm kinda glad I missed it because I thought she was not going to be there & we wanted to know what the court would say about that... but she was there so I'm sure he'll get a notice about what happened. I'm glad I didn't go because it probably would have annoyed me to listen to her lies & excuses.

I just know I need to step back from the crazy... I mean, she drove three hours to come to court & left SD home alone. She COULD have brought SD & dropped her off at home, if she can be home alone~it shouldn't matter that it's at our house vs. hers, right? She's gonna be 12 next month so not a big deal anymore, right? But, instead she leaves her home & wants DH to drive up after work so he won't get there until 8:30 or 9 & get home close to midnight. I think that it would be common sense to bring her instead of making DH go get her since it's the same day. Nothing can be simple & that's why I need to step away from that mess.

Thank you JNM. I know you're going through a tough one too. I hope things have gotten better for you too. I think the toughest thing I've had to deal with is the guilt for backing away, even though I know I need to. It's horrible to know that my involvement is making the situation worse because SD resents my involvement, so I back away but in backing away, I feel guilty when her mom (or dad) disappoints her by not doing something for her that I would have been happy to do for her. Over the past couple of weeks, I have tried reaching out to do nice things for SD & she is polite enough when I do something for her... for the moment, but she continues to run to her room when I come out of mine or look away if I look in her direction. I feel bad that it's come to this, but I guess she can't have a relationship with me without disappointing or upsetting her mom.
parent_of_one
15 years ago
Was it a hearing for CS? Ha, wouldn't make a difference, she doesn't feel she needs to be paying anything, no matter what judge said. I don't know how you guys are coping. Nuts, you have your own 3 kids, your son is deployed, grandson to take care of, crazy DIL, finances, job, SD with all kind of issues and on top of it, you have to deal with BM being obnoxious and NOT PAYING child support.

Letting go feels good... but still, she has a lot of nerve!

Comments (16)

parent_of_one

imamommy
Original Author

Related Discussions

parent_of_one

dotz_gw

momof3_stepof1

mattie_gt

imamommy
Original Author

silversword

shakti2574

momof3_stepof1

imamommy
Original Author

silversword

justnotmartha

parent_of_one

imamommy
Original Author

parent_of_one

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

Letting go feels good... but still, she has a lot of nerve!

Comments (16)

imamommyOriginal Author

Related Discussions

imamommyOriginal Author

imamommyOriginal Author

imamommyOriginal Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

imamommy
Original Author

imamommy
Original Author

imamommy
Original Author

imamommy
Original Author