Is it ever going to end?

17 years ago

Congratulations Bio-mom, if driving the children's father aways is what you are working for, you are doing one heck of a job at it! My hat is off to you. Nicely done.

For the sole factor that you are the biological mother, you have the law on your side. Fathers really have little protection when it comes to the law and divorce.

YOU can always ask for more money, even when their father is giving you money as if you have full custody when you have joined.

YOU will always have the children on your side and they will see nothing wrong because you are their mother and you make sure that the children feel responsible for you and THEY need to take care of you.

YOU will boycott anything their father encourages....

And if I hear ANYONE ever spout again, "in the best interest of the children" I am going to lose it once and for all. Bio-parents HIDE behind that phrase. I have NEVER heard that phrase spoken with truth, not even from the justices that have dealt with our situation.

If you are a person of dignity, how on earth can you justify your poor behavior? I mean, would you bio-mom tolerate your own behavior from anyone else? I didn't think so either.

Your dad wasn't present in your life. Don't let history repeat itself with your children. You know how that is and you know how it was with your mother too! Why are you doing this? There are ALWAYS alternatives.

Explain to me, how is taking your anger out on the children's father going to do any good in this situation? If you're that angry still, go somewhere else and face it once and for all. You'll see it's hardly about him anymore.

We all have so much good in our lives. Let's focus on that. Let's work on finding constructive ways of moving forward. Let's move on, please. You're a good mother, he's a good father and you have both found two people to be with that make you happy now and that ADORE the children. Can you please please please then leave the children's father alone? Your accusations and requests are really wearing.... and trust me when I say this, the chidren ARE paying the price of your anger. Just like with alcoholics that say they never drink in front of their children and that therefore the children won't suffer, your anger is doing the same thing: CHILDREN FEEL IT ALL, WHETHER THEY SEE IT OR THEY DON'T.

I always try to stay positive and hopeful in my posts, but hearing my husband say he wants to move out of state because he can't deal with her anymore (how many times can we go to court?) breaks my heart because he loves his children. And I know that 99.9% of what he says in moments like these is more of him voicing his frustration rather than actual truth, but it breaks my heart because it is far from the truth.

Why is it that when it comes to divorce we find so much of even our own reprehensible behavior to be justified? I mean, it's like an abusive relationship that you just can't get out of... wouldn't you want to do something about it if you find another person to be your "trigger" for REALLY INAPPROPRIATE behavior particularly when you will be linked to that person through your children FOREVER?

I'm rambling, I'm sorry. But I'm just really hurt, tired and am hardly in the position to go to court again. I am always trying to be the pillar for my husband to lean on; I try to stay strong for the children's sake to maintain some normalcy in our lives... but man, there are only so many tears a person can cry in silence, so many soothing showers a person can take, and only so much a person can do to not let toxicity like this enter a home.

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Comments (3)

sandstone
17 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Not one thing you said is untrue... It is sad that we live in a world where "In the best interest of the children" Now means "What I want" and yes bio-parents find it really easy to turn their kids against the other. I know this is hard, I know your husband is tired as well as in pain. She knows she is causing this and it probably brings her satisfaction. However in the long run the children one day WILL open their eyes and see what has happened. (It may take much therapy and money) But they will see how she turned them against their father. And matter of fact is if the tables were turned and it was you driving this wedge EVERYBODY including bio-mom would be up in arms ready to lynch yo for being the "evil step mom" Keep going, keep being there when they need you and DON'T let BM know that it bothers you. If she takes you to court oh well... Outside of the court room don't mention the on going battle. Don't let her draw you into arguments. Keep conversations short and ONLY about the welfare of the children. If she doesn't get to see the frustration or hear about it, it might just take the wind out of her sails...
jenny_alabama
17 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
You said it all!! It is devastating, but these BIO MOMs will get what they deserve...eventually! BM will eventually drive such a wedge between the kids and the father that the kids will eventually not come around. Guess there is nothing we can do about that. You know some BM's take payoff's...I know of two friends of mine that offered this to their ex's just so they did not have to deal with her anymore...it worked...because most women like the one you are obviously talking about are VERY greedy. Once the kids are a certain age - you do not have to deal with the ex anymore...in my husbands situation...if she calls - he hangs up! Now she just leaves him alone! Good luck.
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coolmama
17 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I'm in the same boat,sort of. You are so right,men totally get the short end of the stick when it comes to the kids. I have watched painfully as this has happend to my husband over the years...hard to not become jaded.

Is it ever going to end?

Comments (3)

sandstone

jenny_alabama

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