I once went to a funeral where somebody's teen-aged daughter wore a black cocktail dress; I'm guessing she knew black was appropriate & respectful, & it was the only black dress she had, & she was doing her best. I once went to a funeral where the pallbearers, the teen-aged great-nephews of the deceased, wore starched white shirts, ties, & their best starched jeans, & I know it was because their great-aunt, knowing the family budget, requested it. I've been to several wintertime funerals & graveside services where the elderly ladies wore pantsuits & tennis shoes & warm hats, & I know they were showing their respects even though they must have been freezing & could have begged off on the basis of age & fragility. I was touched at all these people, doing their best even if it wasn't the customary attire. but I can't think of any excuse for ripped jeans, tee shirts with logos, or baseball caps. If I were a family member, I might be offended enough to ask the funeral director to not let them in.

I was the last of 3 siblings to marry. My younger sister married first to her college sweetheart a month after graduating. She had a nice wedding at her alma mater (which is also my father's alma mater), not extravagant, but nicely done. My brother had a simple affair in the church hall. Mine was probably the fanciest of the three, but still not extravagant. Funny though, my mother during the initial stages said, "You know, if you prefer to elope, we'll give you the money we would have spent on your wedding to put toward down payment on a house." She was half-kidding. I would have considered it, however, dh was the first of five siblings to marry in his family. HIs mother was DYING for this day. To top it off, dh is a grad of the U.S. Naval Academy which has an absolutely beautiful chapel that MIL was so hoping her son would marry in one day. Fortunately for MIL, her son ended up meeting a local girl (I grew up near the Naval Academy) though we didn't meet until after we'd both graduated college. As the old tradition was that you marry the home area of the female, this worked out well for him - the church I grew up attending was a modern 70s church that I had no love for, so I was open to the idea of marrying at the Academy chapel. I figured it was probably a good idea to start my relationship off with MIL on a bright note and not disappoint her by going off and eloping! I say that in jest, b/c my father loves a party, so if I had taken my mother's offer seriously, I'm sure my father wouldn't have been happy either. So we ended up marrying at the chapel and let me tell you, it has an incredibly long center aisle that is very daunting for a somewhat shy person to have to walk while everyone is watching closely! One of my fondest moments of the ceremony was when dh and I left the altar to give flowers to our mothers and the priest stepped on my veil as I walked away, tearing my veil off my head. There was a gasp in the crowd but I laughed it off and everyone then had a good chuckle. Our reception was limited to 150 (thankfully!) b/c we had chosen a location on the water that could only seat 150. I was totally okay with that as I'd have preferred smaller - we had four guest lists, dh's, mine, my parents, and MIL/FIL. Of the four, mine had the fewest! And considering that dh's family was coming from the West Coast, and his friends were scattered all over the country and world (many in Navy), it was surprising we had so many people. But it was a good size - my parents only invited friends of theirs that I knew (they were hosting the reception). It could have been smaller and fine, but I wouldn't have wanted it any larger. And we were blessed with beautiful weather despite being in July in the typically hot/humid weather of the mid-Atlantic. I wanted to marry in September but dh was teaching at the Academy at that point, so if we wanted to go on a honeymoon, we needed to marry in the summer. I couldn't believe it when I woke up that Saturday morning to a breezy, sunny day with temps in the 70s and no humidity (just two days prior, dh's West Coast friends arrived and played a round of golf in the hot, humid 90s and asked how he could stand to live here!). Chicagoans, funny you suggest camping. A week after dh and I got engaged, we bought a car on the West Coast and spent the next 3 weeks driving across country to see the U.S as we were moving back to the East Coast at that point. We are not campers, but spent many a night pitching a tent to save money. We hiked 10 miles down into Havasu Canyon (part of the Grand Canyon) only to hike back out the next morning after sleeping in a tent next to the Colorado River. One of the hardest things I've ever done! We were not experienced hikers either. Another night was at a campground alongside a rural highway somewhere on the outskirts of Badlands National Park in South Dakota, with 18 wheelers buzzing by all night. LOL And we still wanted to marry each other when we arrived on the East Coast, so maybe there is some truth in your observation! We are still happily married 18 years later. But as far as weddings go, I will encourage my kids to have a non-extravagant wedding. I'd love for them to have a party/celebration if they choose rather than elope but not the bridezilla freak shows that have become weddings of today. You can still have a nice reception w/o going into debt or throwing away money on frivolous things.

I don't post often, but I thought I'd share how I manage my "gallery" walls. After spending years in the military, and then marrying another military person, we moved all the time. Each house presented new problems of where and how to hang photos and art while doing as little damage as possible. I cut open paper grocery bags, lay the photo or artwork on it and trace the outline. Then I do a cartoon drawing or label the brown paper template such as "John's Wedding," or "MIL looking left." After all the items are traced I start "hanging" the paper templates on the wall with painter's tape. I can move them around, arrange and re-arrange until I'm happy with the look. I've saved most of the templates from other moves so I no longer have to go through the drawing and cutting. I measure down from the level top of the frame to the spot where the nail needs to be and write that on the paper template. I seldom have to put a nail in twice. I've been trying to work our family photos onto the wall of our incredibly short hallway. I wanted them facing the hallway since the living room side is far to bright for some of the older photos. This was the beginning of the layout. This post was edited by caroline on Sat, Jul 5, 14 at 12:36

I'm going to try to ignore the things TOS is writing about my situation b/c I know she is just trying to cause problems. I truly don't understand why you would try to do that in a place where you should offer support and encouragement, but whatever... But I must say...of course I realize that the destruction of a family is not humorous. I was just trying to be a little lighthearted. Their marriage has been over for years. As I've written several times now, my former husband passed away. After his death I found out he had several "girlfriends" on the side. You think that didn't destroy me??? Believe me, I could write a book about destruction. Anyway... Thank you, Kathline, for your response to my post. I will admit wholeheartedly that my attitude needs to change, and that's one reason I am here. I'm hoping that by hearing other stories of struggles, listening to what others have been through, it will help me to face my own problems with a better heart. Yes, I admit that I wrote that I don't like Sarah right now. She has lied to me and about me SO much that it makes me physically ill. She has stolen money, clothes, make-up and other belongings from me and 2 of my children, she has called my 12 year old disabled child "retard" right to his face on several occasions. And it's not 1 or 2 times...this is consistent behavior. It is VERY HARD to like someone when they constantly hurt you. Sarah knows nothing about the fact that we have looked into residential treatment for her. Nothing! We have also NEVER told her that we don't want her, although her own mother has several times. At one point a few months ago, Sarah was mad at dh and me for grounding her for something and she announced, "I want to go live with mommy." She called her mother and directly there on the phone her monther said, "nope, you can't come live here. You cause too many problems and I don't want you." I felt horrible for Sarah, at the same time understanding how bm felt (b/c Sarah, if possible, often acts worse at her mom's house than she does here). We have to check her bags when she comes home on Sunday nights from her mom's house and more often than not, she has stolen something from there. So yes, Sarah is aware that he bm doesn't like her or want her to live with her, but as I said, she knows nothing about us looking at residential homes and I have NEVER said, "I don't like you, Sarah." Now she might get the feeling that I don't, but isn't that something she needs to earn, kind of like my trust. Would you "like" someone that continued to steal and lie from you CONSTANTLY??? I hope I'm not coming across like I just want people to agree with me, b/c I am VERY open to hearing all opinions. And if you think I'm horrible b/c I said I don't like Sarah much right now, it's okay. Believe me, I feel pretty bad myself and I'm trying to change that. I'm just so frustrated in this situation. Thanks everyone! :)