I know what you mean. Me too recently. One of my favorite work friend's husband died a couple of weeks ago (very unexpectedly!). LF spends a lot of time at work and knew her, so he wanted to go to the services. Times have been pretty lean, but we did everything we could to rustle up new dress shoes, a tie, dress shirt, and a sportcoat. We could not find a sportcoat. Not in several stores. I finally gave up, and let him wear a light jacket instead. Mind you, no one noticed, even commented on how nice he looked, but it wasn't the same. Isn't it a sad statement on society when you can't find a dress jacket to wear to funerals, weddings, church, etc.? Sad!

George you so rarely seem upset about anything it's obvious this is really important to you.I have never attended funerals where people dressed like that. I hear wearing jeans to church on Sunday is pretty common these days,a far cry from what people wore when I used to attend. We have became a very casual country as far as dressing goes..almost sloppy casual a lot of the time.

Hard to say why they were a bit tone deaf on this show of respect (or lack thereof).

Maybe it's a generational thing? Or a regional thing? Dunno. But sorry it worked out this way, and made you feel so disappointed.

Of all weeks, I think this one especially is a week when we should feel extra sensitivity and respect for all those around us who have passed on.

Karen

I suppose I would rather them show up than not, but I do agree that there is no excuse for torn jeans and sweat shirts. The effort to find a clean short or blouse and a proper pair of slacks or skirt is really quite minimal, isn't it?
I was recently asked for jury duty and was similarly dismayed at what folks thought was appropriate to wear in a court of law - and that seems like a nit compared to final respects.

There have been other discussions--maybe on another forum--about proper attire for church. This falls into that category, I think. George, I also think that older folks-- like you and I-- have an ingrained sense of decorum about certain situations, occasions, etc. We all know that "clothes don't make the man", but we also know that "first impressions are lasting". Who knows? Maybe your attire will make someone rethink theirs in the future.

I have a suit in the closet that I bought in 1987 for the oldest step son's wedding. Way too small now and I suspect the moths are holding hands to keep it in the bag. Went to too many funerals in the 80's and 90's and many were dressed casually, not torn jeans but just nice pants and shirts. I do have that attire and have been to a few over the last years. Things change as the times do, casual living is common as are the clothes that go with it. A respect for oneself is the best example to communicate that respect for others.

We live close to a veterans cemetery, which in itself is a little bit more formal, with tabs being played and if possible a military escort or a veteran's escort in their blue uniforms. Even there I sometimes shake my head about the clothing of the mourners.
I grew up in a time where family members wore black for a year and all other mourners did too for the funeral, even if they had to borrow some clothing. Everybody tried to have some church clothes. It was a sign of respect.

When we (dh) and I were young, we grew up in different countries, both of us had "going to church" clothes and they were worn for all semi-formal or formal occasions.
Lol, dh wore knickers until he was about 12yo and then he got his big boy suit.He wore the suit until the pants were "floods", remember that term? I had one dress for summer and one for winter formals.
We still have going to church/meeting clothes ready and hanging in the closet. It could be a generation thing.
However, here in CA everything is very casual and there can be people wearing jeans and tees to funerals and weddings etc. We still wear our "respectful clothes" to these occasions, that's our tradition.

Funny, I just came from calling hours. I could have stopped on my way home from work, but it is casual friday and I had jeans on. I went on home and changed into dress slacks and nice shoes. Wouldn't have had too. Attire was all over the place jeans and tennies to sports coats. I don't mind the casusal clothes or even work (not office) clothes at calling hours. If some people went home to change they would not have time to get to the calling hours. Now for funerals, it feel it should be dressier.

Tomorrow, weather permitting, I am taking mom to calling hours. Then we are doing the bank and grocery etc etc. Not sure how I am going to dress with all the other running to do.

Both these calling hours are for former coworkers, not close family.

George,I agree that it is shocking to see what people wear in public.My aunt died at 100 recently My sister and I loved her and certainly dressed to be respectful.That day everyone was dressed well.At one time I had season tickets to our local symphony,there sometimes people dressed so casually it was hard to believe.

I live with loggers and cowboys and old hippies, so attire runs to jeans an T-shirts. There are few funerals, most of the memorials are celebrations of the Life and very casual, but everyone has some decent jeans, some nice T-shirts (no logos), is trimmed and groomed.
I really have no problem with that.
It's the young guys with the baggy pants/shorts and the young girls looking like wanna-be streetwalkers that bother me more.

Lol, Lilo, the ones with their underwear showing are downright comical. All they do is keep hitching up their pants. I was on the subway one day and kid's pants slipped all the way to his knees. Hilarious.

Every generation has it's thing when it comes to clothes,that's for sure. Way back you used to soak your jeans and let them dry on you to get them as tight as you could.We used to wear short shorts and tube tops all over the place when I was a teenager,everyone did. None of the clothes kids wear bother me all that much because it's just a right of passage and soon something else will come along.

I once went to a funeral where somebody's teen-aged daughter wore a black cocktail dress;
I'm guessing she knew black was appropriate & respectful, & it was the only black dress she had, & she was doing her best.

I once went to a funeral where the pallbearers, the teen-aged great-nephews of the deceased, wore starched white shirts, ties, & their best starched jeans, & I know it was because their great-aunt, knowing the family budget, requested it.

I've been to several wintertime funerals & graveside services where the elderly ladies wore pantsuits & tennis shoes & warm hats, & I know they were showing their respects even though they must have been freezing & could have begged off on the basis of age & fragility.

I was touched at all these people, doing their best even if it wasn't the customary attire.

but I can't think of any excuse for ripped jeans, tee shirts with logos, or baseball caps.

If I were a family member, I might be offended enough to ask the funeral director to not let them in.

Marda's post about "every generation has its thing" reminded me of my Dad looking askance when my sailor boyfriend came to get me in his new "civvies"--cardigan (collarless) sportcoat, very full but very tightly pegged pants and suede shoes with a one inch crepe sole--all topped by a military, squared-off, flat top. I thought he was the coolest thing ever! I still do, even though it's now 62 years' later. We met on Pres. Truman's Inauguration Day -- Jan. 20, 1949. How time flies when you're having fun!

I'm neither old nor young, and I think people should carefully choose clothing for important public rituals--that doesn't necessarily mean formal, but it probably means nicer than something you'd slop around in. But then again, I'm aghast that some people (not counting small children and the infirm) actually wear bedroom slippers and what look like pajama bottoms onto airplanes, and I'm the daughter of someone who nearly has fits of apoplexy at the sight of someone wearing a baseball hat in a restaurant.