You love him, but how does he feel about you?

When you think about this, reject anything he *says* & reflect on what actually happens.

Hubs doesn't take care of you,
puts his son *& all his son's baggage-of-the-day* in your home where he/they can
violate your privacy,
steal your personal belongings,
treat you like something less than human,
stress you to the point that your health is affected,
& then he claims he's doing it because he cares so much...
for his son.

I bet he's enjoyed the lull in the storm, too, but oh well, time to get back to real life;

after all,
it makes his son happy,
& it doesn't bother him,
& you'll get used to it, or at least not do anything about it.

I'd get out.

now.

before I had a stroke & was at the mercy of these people.

I wish you the best.

Thank you Sylvia for moving my post to the proper place & the response. You are correct, this has severely affected my emotional and physical health, and wile I was recovering from surgery I really thought I was going to lose it. They moved out 2 weeks later.

Yes I am sure DH has enjoyed us being able to actually just be married without all the chaos & interferrence but when he told me this the other night, he said he had already told his son "of course you can come back home."

Yes, I believe he loves me, he provides me with a decent home & material wants (that's not everything as we know). Though I work full time also & contribute also. He for some reason cannot say no or set boundaries with this kid.

He has 2 other grown boys & I have one 22 yr old. It is not like that with the others, but this one takes DH for everything he can. I would be homeless & broke if DH died today. He has let his life insurance lapse 3 yrs ago as he was paying S-sons mortagage & bills etc as he was losing everything all due to poor decisions & inability to get to work on time etc.

If DH dies I cannot even pay off this house. I'm very hurt that he would let this lapse in order to bail out his son again & again. What about me?

We are supposed to leave for vacation in 10 days & I have this feeling they will be all moved in when we get back. I'm not happy with the situation at all.

It does not seem to bother him & affect him at all as he is a workaholic so he is gone 16 hours when he is working in town & is gone most of the time. Now when my son was living here during high school & from 20-21 (he's been in Alabama for 1 yr) everything & anything my son did bothered DH. Not saying some things didn't bother me, but when they did I addressed them & told the kiddo live by the rules or hit the road. There is a long negative history here with the skids stuff & I foolishly though when they were out we could just enjoy being a married couple-FINALLY. But the middle S-son with the grandson has drained us financially the past 5 yr.s as well as keeps coming back for more or when there's a problem. Never mind the s-sons ex who is a sociopath, stripper, stalker and has made our lives a misery. S-son is trying to get full custody of G-son and has told DH in order to do that he must live with us "for a few weeks" as he cannot get the g-son to daycare he starts work to early. What would change in a few weeks I'd like to know. I'm thinking nothing, it would fall on us as usual.

We never see them otherwise. He lives 15 minutes away & never brings the grandson to just visit for a hour or two, it's only when they want/need something, you know? I feel used & I'm sure DH does too but the dynamics are such that DH obviously cannot set boundaries with this child at all.

I'm a little harder as when my son decided to take a yr off from college & decided what he wanted to do (which was sleep in til 1 pm & party) I made him get a job doing whatever & at the end of the six months said either move out on your own or go back to school-but you are not staying here, go be a man. Best thing I did for the kiddo, he's doing great working full time been promoted, going to school full time & getting good grades-he needed a kick in the pants.

DH & I have totally different parenting styles, which is fine I have no desire to parent his & never did, but I do need to be respected as a human being & a wife and I do not want S-Sons poor choices in life to continue to affect every aspect of my life & how I live it as it has the past 6 yr.s.

This is such a long winded post- I apologize. I just wish there was some way to save the marriage, but put us both on equal footing and set some boundaries.

I know he loves me, but I'm sure he feels more responsible to his son & grandson. He will do whatever he can to see they get what they want/need even if it means I have to live with the outcome.

Sylvia your post reflects perfectly how I am feeling now.
Am I wrong for not trying more & being fed up? I feel like I have to draw theline here or I will just not survive the situation again. Either way I lose and I will be devastated to leave DH, but at least I will still have myself if I stop it now. I would never tolerate this from my own son, no-how, no-way. I'm so tired of it all.

Thank you for listening to this very long post and responding..

XXX

You're stuck between a rock and a hard place, no doubt about it...

I can understand how your husband feels responsible for his irresponsible son, and can see he's also in a tough spot. But then he 'bails' on the problem by heading out to work. As Sylvia so succinctly put it, his actions are speaking quite clearly.

I think you also need to make yourself clear. I'd suggest you oh-so-understandingly tell him that of course his son can 'come home' briefly in times of trouble - but that it can't be permanent. Point out that you even kicked you own son out so he would have to grow up, how much you enjoyed your private married time together, and how much you want that to continue. But that you can not live under the same roof with his son for more than ___ weeks. (three?) That if Sonny doesn't move out in three weeks, you will. Get Dad to confirm that he understands. When Sonny moves in, get a calendar, circle the date in red, and place the calendar in a visible location. Tell Hubby once or twice (not more) that this is D-day.

Then make it stick. If Sonny isn't out (or doesn't have a firm move-in date and a lease), then YOU GO. Sometimes the only way to fully make your point is to take dramatic and decisive action.

"S-son is trying to get full custody of G-son and has told DH in order to do that he must live with us "for a few weeks" as he cannot get the g-son to daycare he starts work to early."

nice bit of logic there.

Once his son moves in, he *still* doesn't have daycare.

Oh, wait.

There's you.

What your husband has volunteered is not only free rent but free services, & I'd bet you a dollar your husband doesn't intend to babysit.

If the stepson does indeed move in, *do not* babysit.

doesn't matter what the emergency is (because there *will* be emergency...after emergency after emergency), do not *ever* babysit.

Your husband volunteered;
let him do what he volunteered for.

.............
.............

This boy/man has been manipulative & opportunistic for a very long time, & his father has enabled him.

Rewarding behavior reinforces it;
rewarding bad behavior teaches bad behavior.

I'm afraid if you don't put your foot down right now, before the move-in date (in other words, before your vacation!), you're guaranteed to find him living in your home when you return.

I wish you the best.

"What your husband has volunteered is not only free rent but free services, & I'd bet you a dollar your husband doesn't intend to babysit."

Very astute observation! And exactly the type of thing so many men take for granted. (My Ex did that when he remarried -- essentially 'bought' my son another mother and stopped doing the pitiful little parenting that he did.)

But back to your situation --
Changing houses doesn't solve Sonny's daycare problems, and that's worth a very clear discussion with Dad. Just how does Sonny plan to solve his daycare problems? Because you're not available.

Sweeby,

You have hit the nail on the head, with men "buying" another mother. I think this is what causes a lot of SMs to feel frustrated, and to take it out on moms and stepchildren. Just my thoughts.

Ironically my DH called as I was responding to this, Thank you everyone for the responses & support. I straight out asked DH "What's the deal with S-son, when is this supposed to be happening?" He said "I don't know I haven't heard anything since the other day.

I said "I need to tell you I REALLY do not want this to happen. I can't do this again, it is just too hard." DH said "I haven't heard from him I just don't know what's happening with that."

So I have told him flat out I can't deal. We will see what he decides. I have my suspicion if it happens it will happen while we are on vacation. At least I feel I have made it clear I'm not up for it so DH won't be blindsided if I bolt when/if he does come back.

DH has a lot of guilt related to the divorce when the kids were younger and this one took it the hardest. But geez She left him with the kids and ran off with TOM,he did the best he could but for some reason it's never enough for this one. Other two are fine, responsible adults.

Anyway, DH abruptly changed topics after that short exchange and I asked when he would be coming home & he snapped at me to stop asking him that everyday, If it f-ing changed I'd tell you-so I know he was upset. I do feel bad for him but it's time to put our marriage & future on the top of the priorities or it's not going to work.

We'll see, I'm not sure what to expect but I know he has a very difficult time saying no to the kids & the only reason he stopped paying his mortgage was we rn out of money-seriously out, there was nothing left to give away. Sigh..I'm hoping he will tell sson no to coming back & blame it all on me if h has too, that's fine, I'm ok with bing the baddie I just want our home & homelife to be ours.

We'll see.

Thanks everyone XXX

Oh & I meant to add, I work three 12 hr shifts a week, and am finishing up my nursing degree on my off days, so I am sure the plan was I would be taking g-son to daycare on my off days at least. Forget study time.

Last time even though S-sons GF was living here too with her kid also, I still got guilted into babysitting a lot, and not just one kid-two.

Not willing to go there again.

I just want to be a regular Granny & take the g-son for fun stuff every couple weeks, spoil him & give him back.

I'm so glad I found this forum, thank you all so much for the input, advice & support but mostly for reading my vents. I think it's healthy to be able to just get it out there and discuss with others in similar situations.

Called DH to say goodnight to him, he was calmer, a little cool, oh well. I had to put it out there and make it clear where I'm at. I can't control what he does or doesn't do, just what I do.

I think he knows I'm not kidding around this time. A few yr.s ago he would have challenged me more about this (not that I want this)and it would have been a big fight but I think he is thinking it through a little more now-I hope he realizes how serious I am about this.

I was originally planning this trip alone as he said he was just to busy with work and all but when I was making reservations he quickly changed his mind and told my parents he was afraid I'd run off with some rich doctor and never come back! lol (as if, the last thing a nurse wants around the house is a dr!) Gee, I hope we don't argue on vacation, that would not be fun.

XXX

"I was originally planning this trip alone as he said he was just to busy with work and all but when I was making reservations he quickly changed his mind and told my parents he was afraid I'd run off with some rich doctor and never come back!"

I think he told them the absolute truth.

He knows you aren't happy, he knows he's treated you badly, & he's afraid the consequences are about to come home to roost.

Hmm Sylvia..Good point, I wonder.

I have recently lost a significant amount of weight and adapted a healthier lifestyle he has been very very supportive, but has made a few comments like that. I think he is feelig insecure about it.

I just hope he really knows I am dead serious about this.
I will not mention it again to him but wait see.

S-sons GF was just diagnosed with cardiomyopathy last night so he is going to have to really step it up and help her and take care of his & her 3.5 yr olds, she is bedridden at this time. He is very scared & well should be. Lets see him step up to the plate and be a man now.

Just thought I'd post a update on my situation. S-sons GF is fine & has decided she is done with him & his baggage ie; Kid & Ex GF and kicked him out of their apt.

Of course he is here alng with my youngest SS (25)who stays here on the weekends as he trucks.

So we have a full house again. I did talk wth S-son and asked him to please have his mther take his dog while he is staying here as I do not want his dog here with my animals she bit & almost killed my cat last year and has notbeen vetted. I am pretty sure Dh will not stand behind me on this if his mother says know-judging on the past of course.

DH is up north working and S-son picks up his kiddo Sat so guess who is left to take him to day care in the am til DH gets home?

I am very sad but I am done, done, done trying here. I am just letting things happen since I have no choice anyway & in 2 more paychecks I will have enough money stashed to leave.

I am devastated my marriage is in this state but I do not want to spend the rest of our lives with these adult kids moving in & out of our home and creating chaos in our lives. Why can't he get it together? Move out & stay out!

I just do not feel I can emotionally handle having the hous invaded again and all the responsabilities and issues that come with it. I do not want to be the fall back baby sitter, maid etc. I do not want my home arranged to suit everyone else needs. I don't want the noise, stress, lack of privacy, unable to get to my own washer and dryer & chaos and worry. I just don't. Is it wrong of me to give up after only 7 years? Even though I still love him terribly? Probably but I can't live like this and survive without lots & lots of tranquilizers.

I love my DH with all my heart and so wish we could just have a normal relationship, but I truly believe it isn't possible. I'm very sad & defeated. It's been like this our whole marriage and I'm tired. He will never tell them no, he can't even when their lives turn ours upside down and ruin us financially.

I just want to run away, so that's my plan.

I am so sorry, catlettuce. I have no advice to give as I would probably do the same thing.

Good luck.

Wow catlettuce I thought I had problems - I think you are doing the right thing by leaving -

Its like someone said on this forum - cant remember who- woman believe words men believe actions

You can only be treated like a doormat if you allow it -

good luck to you

I would do the same thing. I'm so sorry to read that you are going through this ordeal. Its obvious that your husband has chosen this not you. These are adults who need to learn there is a line but your husband is not drawing it and since he takes care of you materialistic and money wise, he probably feels he does the decisions. He should, its their kids but he doesn't consider you whatsoever. That is disrespectful. He's helped out his son in the past, and numerous times. At this point he should have told him to stay somewhere else. Enough is enough.
My husband has alot of guilt for his kids too but thank GOD he has stands up for his life now. He lays the line and makes sure he respects his new family. He provides very well for the ex and his kids , so he draws the line when they try to overstep their boundaries. His ex stays away. She has her life up where she lives. Its the SD now that has started to test the lines. But she is a teen and that is what teens do But i have discussed some future points with my husband. One being adult kids moving in when they adults. The answer for me was no. He said , well its can't be never. I said, yes it can. whne your daughter is 18 and her mom decides to put her out for whatever reason i am not going to let her live with me. Sorry but the way she behaves now, no way. She has 6 years to prove herself but i know her character and i've told him, i will not live with her under my roof. I know you love her but you can love her outside of the house and she is welcome to visit but not live iwth us. If she gets preg or anything like that....she can stay at her mom. I will not be a babysitter either and be used.
I understand what you are doing. Take careof your health and your mind and your soul. If your husband cannot see the damage he is doing to you then maybe its best to let him go. You have your career , you have your soul, and start again. There is no point to holding onto to someone who doesn't respect you. Yes you love him, but that doesn't mean you are a doormatt.
Keep your chin up.

Update,
DH co signed a new car loan for SS 28 without discussing it with me. They are living here again, after I expressly said I was not up for it. SS 28 & G son were with SS's mother for a wk but apparently she asked him to wash her & her boyfriends trucks and that was beneath him, he is not their butler after all! Dh's words. It gets deeper and deeper, but suffice it to say I am so past angry, I feel unwelcome in our home, DH is acting pissy with me though I said nothing about the car loan when I found out. Why bother? It's done. Never mind SS has already had his home foreclosed on and another vehicle repossessed in the past 3 yr.s.

I hate to come home from work, I do not feel loving toward my DH, just angry, he is putting his head in the sand & figuring I will just deal, because I have to, and I have the past 7 years right?

WRONG!!!
I am heartbroken that its come to this. But come on this is the same guy I had to beg & practically force to get life ins to pay off the house and bills if he dies and I have to pay the premium. This is the same guy that hasn't filed his taxes in 8 yr.s so he is completely giving up our financial future for his grown kid who refuses to grow up & deal with his responsabilities. According to SS & DH , SS needs a nice car to drive!-Why!!! DH drives a piece of crap and supposedly we were trying to get our credit in order to buy a house-not anymore, thanks DH. I love how I have absolutely NO say in what happens in our home, marriage & life.

My parents now think I'm officially nuts if I stay, my mother says it's obvious I am nothing in this house and to get out now...UGh..Sorry it wsn't the good update I was hoping for either..It does feel good to vent though, thanks for listening :0)

Sorry, catlettuce, I'm with your parents on this one. Neither your husband nor his son sounds like they have any sort of financial responsibility and if you stay your finances will end up trashed as well. It's not even as if your emotional needs are being met either, as your D (and I don't mean Dear) H is totally sidelining you and treating you as low woman on the totem pole.
In your position I'd be off like a dirty shirt, making a new and less stressful life, and who knows? maybe meet someone who will cherish you as you should be. Even if you don't you won't have the aggro you do now and that's a big plus.

catlelettuce, please make sure all your finances are in order - if DH is cosigning loans without telling you, I'm concerned what debts he might be obligating you to without telling you. And not filing taxes in 8 years is very bad - have you been filing yours separately so you're covered?

I'd request credit reports from the three bureaus to check if there are credit cards or other loans listed that you don't know about (there's a link on www.ftc.gov - I'd go through the FTC website so you know you're getting the free credit report you're entitled to and not signing up for some service from a lookalike website.)

I'd pick a time when DH is NOT home and go through the computer and any files you can find, and I'd verify that he doesn't have access to any separate accounts you have. You may also want to confidentially see a divorce lawyer for advice to make sure you've got all your bases covered. I'd be leaving DH too, but please make sure you have as many ducks in a row as possible financially before you go.

Here is a link that might be useful: FTC Government Annual Credit Report Info

Yes, I have always filed seperate-Thank God. We were going to amend when he did file and add me so he could get more deductions to decrease the penalties however he is always to busy to get on it, so last time we talked about it a yr ago I told him I would not file jointly with him until he got all his back yr.s up to date & took out a life ins policy enough to pay off the house & pay whatever taxes owed so if something happened to him I could pay the tax liability. He is a workaholic and just never has time. I had to really get tacky about the lfe ins policy and pay for it & the premiums myself before he would take the physical and this is just so I won't be homeless if he dies! Why is my husband not at all worried about what would happen to me? Why is he willing to sacrafice everything financially to the point of not being able to save anything for retirement for a adult kid that is working full time and prfectly able to support himself?

But he had no problem co signing a car loan for ss28-it pretty much says it all doesn't it?

My tax person/accountant says there is a law that protects me from his liabilities because I don't know the extent of them and even if I did sign returns I would be protected as I am unaware of the extent of his liability, but I'm glad I have kept my money stuff seperate to prevent even dealing with this stuff.

I am just so very angry that he did not discuss the car loan-amongst other things that affect my daily life with me first. I am going to call my atty andfind out if I am liable by proxy for that car payment or if it affects my credit since we are married. I have spent the past 4 yr.s trying to get my credit rating improved and am really steamed that this could make it worse.- Ugh.

Thanks for the FTC links, btw :0)

You are all very kind to listen and I appreciate your comments as they give different things to think about. I am so frustrated. His is really a nice guy and good provider but I am not wanting a lifetime of supporting adult kids that are perfectly capable to growing up and being self sufficient. Geez y 22 yr old is in college full time and working 50-60 hours a week and NEVER asks me for money!

I'm sorry to hear this Catlettuce...
But it sounds like you're right to leave. That might be what it takes to effect a change.
Or perhaps Hubby is already a lost cause.
But either way, you'll have your sanity back and Hubbs will be forced to confront what his own actions have done.

I checked with attorney & my cpa/tax lady. I will not be responsible for the car loan if SS28 defaults on it, but DH will. The amount of the car loan will also show on DH's debt ratio on his credit report as he is just as responsible for the car loan as SS28, but mine is safe.

I am still so steamed that he did this not only without discussing with me first, but he wouldn't have told me at all if I didn't flat out ask him if he did it. We were talking of leasing our current home to SS28 & SS24 since they keep moving back and purchasing another. Well we couldn't get a mortgage now with the extra $20k on DH's credit! I really didn't want to do that but agreed to just so we could have our own space without worrying about them coming back. But DH didn't want his kids to get "stuck" in a mortgage/lot rent (we live in a doublewide manufactured home-whch are notoiously hard to sell)so he talked them out of buying it & just let them live here, rent free. SS 25 who was supposedly staying here to save up for a down payment on a house went out and bought a motorcycle. DH thought this was fine cause it was a great deal..What the heck, am I the only one who sees how insane this is? These young men will never be on their own & self sufficient and I don't think DH wants them to be for some reason..

I just don't get it, why is DH sacrficing our future for these men that are perfectly able to survive on their own? They both havegood jobs, make good money and could easily afford their own place...

DH is out of town working again, he is only here a few days a week. I keep thinking I'll be so lonely and sad without him but really we don't spend much time together anymore and when he is hre he's very moody, depressed etc...anyway..SS28 is avioding me like the plague-which is a good idea as I am so so angry right now...

I feel like my DH is more their husband than mine! I miss "us", but it's been like this for so long now at least the past 5-6 yr.s out of 7 yr.s of marriage. I don't think we will ever have a normal future together. I either accept this as the way my life will be or get out there on my own and get a life. It is sad, DH is a really nice guy, good provider, hard worker. We really used to have fun together but now I feel like I am another chore to him, and he is a total workaholic. I know he chooses this, I can't get my brain around how any husband would allow this chaos, $$ loans and moving in & out of the home without discussing it with his wife first at the very least. It seems he is a doormat to them and then I am expected to be a doormat to the all!

Another little update;
SS28 changed his custodial arrangement so 4 yr old Gsons mom has him weekdays and SS28has him weekends and 2 evenings during the week. I think this was a good move since the getting him to daycare thing is resolved at least for now as the mother has decided to not work and child is with his mother during the day.

SS28 has also kept a low profile here at the house, except for the weekends when SS28 & SS24 and grandson all descend here in our little house and take over and leave the mees for me to clean when sunday eve rolls around, sigh.

A funny, I was talking to my s-dad about trading in my Suburban/gas hog for something better on gas, which cars would be best for me etc. I mentioned to DH (now mind you my suburban is in his name, not mine) that I had went and looked at cars and his response...wait for it...this is good...

"When were you going to tell me about this!"

Yea, he said it. After a moment of silence I said, "I was going to tell you about it when you were going to tell me about co-signing a 20k loan for SS28." DH then said "I don't care-I'm not paying it!" I said "Well you will be if he defaults on it or loses his job and it will show as a debt on your credit report btw, so it does negativley affect your debt ratio." He say's "Fine, do what you want! I have to go-Bye!" and hung up.

Um, thanks. I will be doing what I want fom now on. I will be getting my vehicle in MY name, a credit card in MY name, so I can do what I want. WITHOUT consulting my DH first. Because it works both ways, at least to me.

Then the next day I asked him where the title to the truck was in case I found something while he was out of town and he told me it was in the file cabinet but "I haven't signed it." So I said "Please sign it before you go." He did and gave me no grief about it at all.

Isn't it amazing this double standard? How dare he even give me any crap about what I do financially? He has forced these living situations on me without even consulting me for the past 6 yr.s, ummm nope not asking you how you feel about my purchasing a vehicleI think DH is starting to worry now, the new credit card in my name only came this week, the car thing,,my total disengagement from what happens with this house,who lives in it, ec.. I just do my thing, go to work, take care of my dogs/cats and keep to myself. I do not call DH daily when he is out of town. I have actually not called him at all. Not intentionally, I just have nothing to say.

He called me today asking what I want to do sunday and was a little taken aback when I said "Oh, are you coming home? I hadn't even thought that far ahead, I don't know, whatever."

Taking me out to dinner and movie or whatever is not going to change the decisions he made that affected more my daily life than his. It won't change the past 6 yr.s. You cannot go back, only forward. Now I'm doing for me and thinking of my future and I just don't know if it will be with him anymore.

I know I sound not very nice, but I have hung in there through thick & thin, the deaths of his parents, sister,our daughter in law, the constant drama of SS28 getting the stripper PG, the ongoing custody battle, being a drop in sitter/maid with no thanks, moving him in/out, paying for his mortgage for 2 yrs, paying his bankruptcy payments til we were almost bankrupt, paying all the cell bills for the kid-always thinking after this crisis things will be better, he knows I'm serious this time-he won't let them live here again without talking to me or give them $$ without discussing with me, blah, blah, blah, Enough! I'm DONE!!

I'm not even angry anymore, I've gotten past it as it doesn't do any good, it just made me physically ill in the past from being so angry all the time. I just simply don't care anymore.

I'm actively searching for a travel nurse position and they typically run from 13-20 weeks in length. I'm not keeping my plans secret. He travels a lot for his job, so if he wants to see me he can fly to whereever I will be.

And now he wants to be attentive...ok, whatever...

Interestingly to me the more I let go of it all, the stronger I feel.

I confronted DH yesterday I don't know why but I was very afraid to, maybe afraid to hear what he would say. Anyway he really wanted me to do his running around with him etc yesterday so I did. We went out to a nice lunch and after his tummy was full I said : I don't want to start a fight but...then I told him I felt he was sneaky & went behind my back to co-sign his loan etc. and we were supposed to be in this marriage together an that includes making 20k decisions!

He then said he felt I didn't contribute much financially, I don't make as much as him, I said well even if I was a stay at home mom I should have a equal say in what happpens with finances, he did admit that was true. He said he felt SS was trying to get his stuff together and had been at this job over a yr and had to get a car in his own name, I told him even though he knew I would not agree with him he should have told me and at least heard me out. This affects our ability to get a mortgage and he still has the taxes to clear up.

He said he was upset that I did not want ss to stay/live with us again & I said "That's true I don't want any of the kids living with us! Mine included! I brought up the last time ss28 stayed with us his gf, her kid & cat were here 2 days later and staye for 9 months and NO ONE asked me about first. He then brought up my son's GF staying here almost every night their sr yr of high school (2004) I told him I agree I don't want to do that anymore but we are not talking about my son & 2004 we are talking about now, ss28 & his getting his stuff together and us being able to be a couple. So he *tried* to bring up old stuff and change the subject but it didn't work.

I told him I wanted SS28 to try to refinance the car in his own name after paying on-time payments in 6 months and every 6 months thereafter until he could & DH agreed and said that was the plan all along anyway. Not sure I buy that, but whatever. The bottom line is DH knew I wouldn't go for it so deceived me intentionally, I called him on it & he admitted it. He agreed to from now discuss any major decisions including loans/finances with me PRIOR to doing it.

So I told him I wanted to trade in my truck and asked how he felt about it. He only said he didn't think I'd like a smaller vehichle but didn't care if that's what I wanted to do . I want a vehichle in my name to improve my credit-and told him that.

I also told him again I am probably going to take a travel nurse job asap, he said "So, you're going to leave me?" I told him he could come visit me on weekends etc. He's not thrilled about it at all, but will deal, or not.

Strangely, ss28 texted me Happy Mother's Day and told me he would be home today (he was staying at his mothers the weekend) and had bought me a card and would give it to me today. Hmmmm, never before in 7 yr.s...DH seemed surprised too.

So that's todays update. I think I must have calmed down the past few days, because I was not even going to confront DH about it but frankly it was just sitting heavy on me & I was so angry inside I HAD to say something. I still don't know where that leaves us, as I am still going to take a travel job asap and get out of here but at least I got it out.

Thanks for all the updates Catlettuce.
I'm glad you seem to be standing your ground! It's a tough thing to do.

Thanks for responding Ceph, It's nice to get some feedback that I'm handling things ok and not over-reacting. I'm feeling pretty strong emotionally, but for some reason was really nervous about confronting him, yet was so angry I just had too..

Thanks for listening/reading :0)

small steps forward, Catlettuce. Keep your momentum going - you are on a roll!