"My mother and him have this thing going on between the both of them, where they run to me to bash each other at times."

Tell them BOTH (preferably one at a time, as soon asthey start to bash) that you do not appreciate having the other parent criticized, that you will not take sides, and that any bashing means that the visit/conmversation/whatever is OVER for that day. Then hang up, leave, or tell them where the door is. But all "bashing" has to result in your immediate withdrawal from the interaction,after a calm reminder that you do not want to hear it, and that they need to see a marriage counselor.

If they continue for more than a few times, the absolute stopper is "geeee, they really are a ____. Must have taken an absolute ****ole to marry a person like that and an absolote fool to stay in the relationship for so long." But only do this if you want to burn the bridges.
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I would tell them they need to talk to each other about their problems instead of coming to you. The truth in the matter is that it doesn't matter how great your stepfather treats your mother or how you feel about him, if she's not happy she doesn't have to stay with him just because. People can have the most wonderful spouse in the world and not be happy with them. There are some people out there who are constantly looking elsewhere and think the grass will always be greener and you're mother could be that person or there very well could just be issues going on in their relationship that you don't know about.

Oh, and about your mother always telling you what to do...some mothers are like that and will never change. I myself thought I would have a mother in my life bugging the heck out of me because of how she was when I was growing up. But amazingly, I had my DS and she realized I was an adult and could handle him and being in a relationship and everything life has to offer and stays out. Meanwhile, I've got the MIL that butts into everything and tries to control everything. There seems to be one in almost every family really. There isn't much you can do but tell her to back off but she may get angry. But in any respect that's not really something that has to do with your issue. Like you can't choose sides between your mother and stepfather just because your mother tells you what to do...that's another whole issue in itself.

~Leslie~

See know I agree that bashing the other parent to the child is wrong. I would never tell my son his dad is bad and no good. I would never say it to someone with my son near by. I tell my son what a great father he has.(I lie of course)Kids are the innocent ones and don't need to be burdened with that. Its to emotionally to handle. I'm in my 30's and my father was and is a deadbeat dad. He was involved with drugs and drinking, he was very abusive to me and my siblings. The good thing is my mother NEVER bashed him. She protected us from that. If we had question regarding our father she would answer them, but never out of the blue down talked him just for the heck of it. Thats why I would never expose my son to such hate and igronance. As an adult and still hearing such hate you need to talk to your parents and tell them enough is enough you don't want to hear it know more. It's childish.

Thanks for your info. After I posted last night, I laid in bed and thought about it all. It might just be me..and maybe I do think about things to hard, I know my marriage is not so perfect that my husband and I agree 100% about everything, So how could I expect this out of them? I have never told them I did not want to hear it, and maybe thats how it all begin in the first place, I really just listen, never make a statement to either of them. But I know the next time this happens, I am going to say, I love you both very much, to much to sit here and hear what this one does not like about the other. And I will keep stressing this. As for my mother telling me what I should are not do with my boys, I don't know why she does it, I guess because I let her (lol). But I am learning to let it go in one ear and out the other. This is what she does for example, my oldest son wanted to go deer hunting with his Papa, so I said ok, but I was hopeing she would not know about until the hunt was over, well my son told her he was going, she calls me on the phone and says, are you really going to let him go? I said yes, its something he wants to do mom, her reply to me was, anything could happen, and if it did, you would always regret letting him go, and she says I would never forgive his Papa for that. He wanted to go really bad, and my stepfather wanted to take him real bad, so I let him go, and everything turned out fine. She just always comes up with this what if....then it drives me crazy. And I always find myself thinking what if she is right.. Thanks, Angel