Since her kids are adults, and she does not have custody anyways I do not see how your dh can keep her from moving. Is he still in contact with anyone in his ex's family that he could talk to about this decision to move overseas and how it will affect dd?

It is sad when a parent moves and leaves their children behind. My skids took it hard when their mom decided to move across the country with her bf. Unfortunately it is their choice to make, though it is a huge mistake as far as their relationship with their children!

thanks.
Yeah, he cannot and he would not keep her from moving. She might not even move, i personally suspect she just does it for attention. As about her family, they all are pretty uninvolved and rarely spend time together. BM's parents for example almost never see their granddaughters, never call etc So there will be no help. And no wonder she is so uninvolved, excatly like her family..Both D's and SO were hurt and angry with the way BM left after 28 year long marriage (secretly packed and moved while no one was home, and took everything from the house) and left a note for SO and voice messages for DDs. And now everyone is hurt with this new crazy idea.

All your SO can do is be a great Dad, and one day, a wonderful grandfather if his daughters have children. His daughters are going to have to work through the pain and disappointment in their mother, through therapy. I imagine that one day this woman will wonder why her life is so lonely. And she will begin to understand the consequences of her choices in life.

If the children are adults what is the difference in the mother moving away or the children moving away? Maybe I am not understanding the problem.

DD is in college and just turned 19. She still needs her mother. Her mother is participating in her life minimally, but at least she is here geographically and can be relied on in emergency situations. She is moving thousands of miles away to a country where people do not travel on a regular basis. DD is still depedant on health insurance, place to stay etc. Dad does all that but mom feels no responsibility and it is strange.

FD, you and yours have my sympathy.

As TOS and I will tell you, there is nothing you can do to make a parent care about a child or spend time with child. That being said, I would explain the [financial] facts of life to SD, and see if a CS petition can be filed. IF mom still owns a house, and doesnt pay, eventually a lien can be filed.

thank kkny.

BM owns her own house. BF kept their family house, refinanced it and paid her half. After she got half the money she bought her own house and moved her BF in. As soon as she moved with her BF she almost severed realtionships with both daughters.

Since SD is already in college i don't think CS can be filled. Can it? If it can, I would advice BF to do so. He pays tuition and cost of living.

Just to describe you how uninvolved BM is. We went for three days on vacation and while we were away, SD developed very bad case of exema (probably hereditary becase BF has skin problems), since we were away she asked her mom to arrange to see a doctor (normally only dad takes care of stuff like this). BM said: talk to you dad. I am serious. BF's insurance is pretty bad, he needs referals all the time. BM's insurance is only 5 copay and no referals needed. When we came back from vacation, SD's exema was so bad that it was bleeding on her legs and she already had to go back to college. When we were away BM could arrange for her to see a doctor. She didn't, being busy with BF. We are afraid to go on trips because if something happens, his DD has nobody to help her and she is not very mature, not every 19-year-old girls are able to be completely independent. BM is taking care of her own personal life. maybe it is for the best that she is moving to a foreign country.

You have my sympathy, I am in same position, cant go on vacations, had to take a lower paying job with less OT and minimal travel. My DD isnt the most irresponsible kid in the world, but I am not leaving her alone overnite in house.

FD - is your SD's eczema still a problem for her?
I had mild eczema on my arms and legs until my teens, when it turned to very severe eczema from neck to ankle.
I had cracked and bleeding patches around any part of me that bends and sheets of it the size of my hand on my torso and thighs. It was awful.
Then I stopped drinking milk and switched to soymilk. Within a week, all the cracks had healed. At two weeks it was gone from my torso. At a month it was 100% gone.
I did some 'experiments' where I drank milk for a month and watched what my skin did, then went off it for a month and watched what my skin did, and I can tell you that it was definitely milk causing my eczema.
If she's still having problems with eczema and she's a milk drinker, cutting out milk might be worth a try. A lot of eczema is caused by food and milk is apparently quite a common culprit.

I talked to my doctor when I decided to switch permanently, just to make sure that he thought it was OK, weigh the risks of increasing my soy intake vs the benefits of quitting milk, make sure soymilk was a good nutrient replacement, all that sort of thing.

... Just a little food (or drink?) for thought

thanks ceph, she apparently just developed it and BF takes her to a doctor. BF has on and off some skin stuff, including mild cases of ecsema. I'll tell him about milk, I don;'t think she drinks milk that much. She is very athletic and watches what she eats.

kkny, until my daughter was 18, she wasn't allowed to be alone at night in the house either. BF doesn't like SD to stay alone in the house either(something always goes wrong; toilet floods etc). She was asked to go to BM to sleep, she did reluctantly, but SD got sick and BM refused to take her to a doctor. I feel bad for BF because SD is upset over uninvolved mother. And it is nothing he can do.

Sounds like BioMom has simply decided she is "done" being a parent and that her children are now "adults".
Simple open and shut case.
Very sad, but perhaps that's the best way to explain it to the DDs...