Listen to your friends & family. They know more about the situation than you could write on a forum, they love & care about you, and just from what you've said here, I tend to agree with them.

I could go into detail of WHY I agree with them or WHAT the problems are and maybe even what solution might work for some of the problems... but there are way too many issues that seem to be stacked AGAINST you and in order to work through ANY of them, EVERYONE needs to want to work things out and be willing to put as much effort in it as you. That doesn't sound like a likely scenario here. He cheated & then made you feel guilty for leaving & you are apologizing to his kids? So wrong on so many levels!

I'm made to look like the bad guy here. And I haven't done nothing outrageous, crazy or nothing. Could I have handled some situations different? Yes. But I sacrificed and gave my all and then some. I stayed home from work for 6 mos to ease the transition. I've taken them away, just the kids and me, on mini vacations. I could drop a list that would wrap around the length of the above post twice. Yet all that is remembered is those 9 min.

@imamommy
Thank you. Yes alot of things were wrong on alot of levels. But it was rarely acknowledged that he did wrong too. Always me, what I did or didn't do. There was a short span of time that I paid for and took care of everything. Yet I was still the bad guy. The deadbeat mom, called me the devil to the children. REALLY? Get a damn job. At that time my teenage daughter did more for them than the mom, and she was the devil too. Damn shame.

I've spoken to family and friends about this situation but I'm glad I found a forum that I could vent and receive advice. I've also found other posts that helped me cause now I know I'm NOT alone.

"But I love him."
Words that keep women in sh*tty relationships that are never going to work out, and the man relies on it. Hon, he's already shown his true colours, he cheated on you, doesn't back you up when his ex runs you down, let you support his kids, turned your daughter into a free babysitter... and you're planning to marry him???? IMO he will spin you a line until you're well and truly hooked and you will always be the bad guy.

Run, Tired1, run. Don't look back and don't play the 'blame' game. There are other people out there that can treat you as you deserve to be treated. Cheated on and babysitter while Daddy/Hubby does his own thing is not the life a lady should be considering jumping back into.

Of course you're the 'bad guy', the one who caused it all happened blah blah blah...and he'd likely try to sell you that ol' bridge in Brooklyn too if he thought you'd buy it. You do realize right, that by him blaming you for very thing excuses his own poor and dyfunctional behavior and lack of positive partnering abilities? Lays all the fault on you, requires you accept it all, change your ways and lines of thinking and that way he can go right on with his ill ways of being a lousy spouse and parent. Hey, works for him!

Do yourself a favor and pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. Head up, shoulders back and onward march. Leave the past behind you. Spend some time building yourself back up, working on your self esteem and surrounding yourself with family and friends who truly are worthy of your presence. He's old news. Bad news. Concentrate on your work, your family/friends, and even join an exercise group or a hobby club where you can build engery and fellow companionship which will be beneficial verses detrimental to your well being.

Time to let him go and focus on you and what's best for yourself, your future and your sense of well being. Nope, it's not easy, but give it a try. Ask him not to call and/or attempt to see you for x amount of time. Tell him you need time to set your thoughts straight and to rediscover who you are and who you want to be. Odds are in your favor you'll discover perhaps that man isn't worthy of all that love nor miss that old life quite so much anymore.

YOU abandoned his kids?! That's rich.

How is it that you are supposed to be responsible for his kids?

You sacrificed everything for him and his kids? Why? What has he sacrificed for you and you daughter?

Please don't misunderstand me -- I would sacrifice everything for my husband -- but that's because time and time again, he has shown me that he would sacrifice everything for me. I trust and respect him as he trusts and respects me. It's wonderful to be that committed to another person. But only when that other person demonstrates the same level of commitment in return.

Your relationship sounds profoundly lopsided, with you doing all of the giving and him doing all of the taking. That's not 'stand by your man' admirable -- it's simply foolish.

Don't show your daughter that this is how love and marriage is supposed to be...

Ugh-what everyone else said.

Why do you love him? What about him is lovable to you?

~Cat

Ditto what sweeby said.

From a male perspective, I think your relationship is heading toward an inevitable demise.

Too many red flags:
1. Taking advantages of you and your d. He slept with another woman while you were home watching his own children. And you still want to marry him ? WHY?

2.Undiscipline children. Just the fact that you have harbored so much resentment NOW. Wait until after the wedding day, and you all live together, it will be WWIII.

3.He stops paying your D for babysitting his children because she is FAMILY. She is not his family YET and she is a kid learning to be adult. She does not work for free

One a cheater always a cheater..Your choice marry a cheater or move on