With the "privacy laws" lots has changed! And, lets not forget the ungrateful idiots that have wiped out their parents savings with POA's. That is what has caused so many changes. I am getting through all this and am very lucky my dad can still sign. Most of the money is in his name so I can get it out to pay mom's nursing home bills, but it has been a challenge! I now have it all worked out so should not have too many more hassles. Our investment guy told me today that I am not the only one complaining about the mountain of paperwork that needs to be done to take care of parents! LOL! Some thing our attorney adviced me to do also was to change the primary benificiary on my dad's IRA's. That way if, heaven forbid, some thing happens to him the remainder of the money will not go to the nursing home for my mom's care. Makes sense and that way I will have a few pennies to take care of my brother and his special wants. Oh, that is some thing else, we also have it set up in the will that when my parents are gone my brothers share will go in to a trust for him, therefore keeping it out of the hands of the nursing home.

Lice are usually attracted to clean hair! That seems funny doesn't it? So, a lice problem does not necessarily mean any neglect or lack of effort on the bm's part. I had a friend in a similar situation with her stepkids. Everytime they would come to visit her and their dad the boy and girl had lice. It became a routine to strip. bathe, and de-lice the kids when they walked in the door! Eventually they shaved the boys head and cut the girls hair short. They talked to the bm and told her how harmful all the chemicals in the constant lice treatments were for the kids. (They were using a treatment every other weekend when the kids arrived) Luckily, they worked it out where they kept the kids for over a week, while the bm was able to wash everything and steamclean rugs, etc. The problem went away. Maybe this would be an option if you presented it to her in a way where you were not placing blame, but agreeing that lice are hard to get rid of. Maybe you could even offer to buy the stuff to spray on furniture to help her get rid of the problem? And, since it is summer and hair grows back quickly on boys, maybe she may even agree to shaving his head to help get rid of the problem? Good luck!

To answer a few of your questions my other 2 kids are 8 and 10 yrs old. I treat my stepson like he is my own child. I do not believe in treating them differently. His bio mom constantly abandoned him as he was growing up the longest he ever lived with his mom was when my husband was still married to her and that was for 2 yrs. Since then he has lived with his aunt. His mom never called or visited him even though he only lived 4 hours away. Now she never calls him... She watched and allowed a boyfriend to beat the kid almost to the point of death. I never bad mouth her to him it is not my or my husbands place to do that. It really just breaks my heart knowing he is hurting so bad. He talks about her in a negative way a lot to me. I just listen to him. We will be putting him in counseling soon but were told to wait because we just finally gained custody of him a month ago and don't want him to feel there is something wrong with him. Along with him going I think we are going to do family counseling what can it hurt right?!?!? For all the crap this poor child has gone through is a very respectful well behaved child. He is adjusting really well to having a brother and sister and living with us. He has chosen to confide in me all this stuff and it is so hard to listen to and see the hurt in his little eyes. I constantly reassure him that I love him as if he was my baby. I also have told him if there is something he has a problem with don't understand or don't like that causes him not to be happy lets talk about it and try and work it out. My husband is step-dad to my 2 kids and treats them like his son. So it is a very equal household.

There are those who would say that step-parents DON'T have any rights when it comes to the stepkids....not even a right to an OPINION about what should happen with them. They feel that EVERYTHING that concerns the stepkids should be handled by the bio-parents. Another forum I used to belong to was much this way...so I left! But really, there is a pretty big contingent of folks out there who would agree that steps have ZERO rights when it comes to their stepkids. They call step-parents "legal strangers" or something like that...which really never made any sense to me. However, my opinion is that you DO have some rights. You have the right to be respected, for your home/belongings to be treated appropriately, for cooperation (or at least attempted understanding) from your spouse. Now, you have the CHOICE to enforce these things with an iron fist, or you can try to get SS to come to these realizations on his own, or with your help a little more gently. That can make all the difference. Get him excited about a hike. Get some maps, plan the trail. Get a book that shows the local wildlife you might see. Let him pick out the ingredients for some homemade granola, and let him help you make it. Get him a cheap compass for the trip (cheap at Eddie Bauer!). It'll start to become his idea. That's the trick. Not only for stepkids, but for all kids. I find myself trying to come up with creative ways to get things that I want done ALL the time, with both bio and stepkids. Also, help him get excited about the baby. My stepkids were a little "removed" from the pregnancy, also because of the long distance. But when they were here, they went to ultrasounds with us, and helped pick out stuff for the room. They poured over baby name books with me. They were 10 and 13 at the time. They now both have VERY close relationships with their baby sister (who is now 5). None of our kids (his, mine & ours) call each-other "1/2" or "step"...they are just brothers & sisters. So it is do-able, but it takes some work. If you handle this sticky situation the right way, you will be the "cool bonus Mom", instead of the "evil step monster". I have a fantastic relationship with my stepkids. We've had a few little bumps in the road, but nothing we couldn't work through.