GW, I think it might be different if flying with someone who appears not to be a parent of the child. We've been flying to/from San Fran-DC for 14 years with our kids (dh is from San Fran) and have never used IDs. Our kids don't have them. When in doubt though, it can't hurt to have something, though we have never been asked.

I re-read your letter. I applaud you for not abandoning your children, and leaving them to fend for themselves if you left. That is a real father. A father who will make sacrifices for the children. It sounds as if your wife was in the wrong type of counceling. It sounds as though what she really needs are classes in anger management for the well being of your children. Perhaps that is one of the things you will require of her that you will not waiver on. After re-reading your first two posts, I believe that what I suggested in the above two posts sounds like a long shot. And I can imagine how difficult it would be to pull off with a person who is angry and bitter. Especially given how you feel about her. Does she have ANY good points? If so, what are they? I think it would be so depressing to live with someone who has been depressed for 20 years, and is so angry and bitter. If it were me, (OK, I am climbing up on that soapbox for a speech) I think I would tell them that I am sick of them using depression as an excuse for rotten behavior. I would tell her that if it is real depression...meaning chemical imbalance of some sort, then to get herself to a doctor and get her medications right. And if it is depression caused by her own disappointments in life, then suck it up and put a smile on your face and start doing some of the things you need to do. Because the kids and I hate living like this, and your anger and bitterness is destroying our family and the childhood of these children. They do not get a second chance at childhood...this is it, and it is going to be happy from tomorrow on. And if you cannot be a part of making this family a happy and good place to be, then I (meaning you Dave) will step up to the plate and raise these kids and give them that happy, safe childhood. Your 14 year old has so little childhood left, and I (meaning you Dave) am going to make sure it is great! Are you on board, or are you going to continue to hide behind your depression and anger and bitterness, doing your best to make sure home life is crappy for us all? She has a choice to make here. And you may find she is on board, and will begin some new changes, or that she likes being angry and miserable...and then you will know what you need to do. Forgive me for the two messages above, as after I re-read your original posts, I realized how they must sound to someone who is really in the pits in a marriage to someone who is so angry, and bitter all the time. I am not sure any of us could actually rise to the occasion if we were in your shoes and actually pull off what I suggested above. It sounds as if the marriage is just too miserable to actually bring yourself to do as I suggested. Not that it couldn't be done, but it would take a better person than I am to pull it off. Unless she actually makes a decision to change. If she does...perhaps she will surprise you all! In my best pollyanna view...I sometimes think that we can change someone else by being really kind to them. I sometimes have these wierd thoughts that you could take her for a morning of pampering (facial, massage) and then take her for a new outfit, and take just her out to dinner. That by you treating her differently, that maybe she will thaw out, and begin to see herself differently, and begin to change and laugh and smile. That she will "want" to be a better woman for her family. Perhaps it is just wishful thinking...but just maybe????? Anyone, I forget that some people actually "like" to be angry and bitter and miserable all the time. That is their comfort zone. Perhaps she is one of those people. I don't know.

My son's greatest fear in his "I must be nice" is due to the fact the ex-DIL could fly off with the grandson and not return. I understand that. She has taken the grandson a couple times to Europe with her to visit her mother. She dumps grandson off there for 2 weeks while she travels around and enjoys herself then picks him back up, visits a day or two herself and then returns to the states. Grandson really hates this. Being stuck with someone he had never met, speaks little of his language, eats totally different foods than he is use to and won't allow him to call his father stating it cost to much. The other grandmother is kind to him and tries hard to bond with grandson, but the whole thing is upsetting to him. If the BM would remain with him during these visits at least the first few so they could get use to each other , but no, she can't be bothered. BM is a very selfish person and does not seems to have the ability to have empathy. Our fear is that grandson may be taken over there if ex-DIL gets too angry or things fail with new BF. So here I am , afraid to 'rock the boat' too strongly. I do think the above posters suggestions of trying to limit phone calls is the right direction, but I will have to talk to her at least once a week. Maybe texting would be best. Short messages which could be answered briefly in return without her thinking really I'm avoiding her. I do most the running back and forth for pick-ups so the new GF does not get stuck doing it. Grandson gets out of school at 1:30 on pick-up day and ex-DIL wants him picked up right away so she can be off doing her plans for 'her break' as she calls it. She would be 'best friends' with the GF if she could and bug the GF just as she does me. The one time the GF went to pick up grandson, BM had her come to the house, had made a late lunch and the GF really was put out listening to a couple of hours of BM rattle on and on. Bottomline, BM really needs to make a friend or two and instead she tries to go on as if we really will continue to be one big happy family including even the GF--we can all just be best friends. Sport games are usually on Sunday afternoon (Y sponsered) and I end up sitting with BM a few rows in front of son and GF, if not, then BM would be sitting with them. She invites us all out for dinner after which we decline. Then she pouts when son, GF, and either me or my husband and I take grandson out to eat without her and after drops off grandson, always running out and asking if we'd now like to come in for coffee. GF holds her own fairly well with BM if it's over the phone, but GF does not want to become best friends and for them to do non-parenting things together (shopping, lunch, ect). When BM called GF (not son, GF) to deliver 'rules' for bedtime, meals, acceptable activities, and whatnot the GF just listened but not agreeing. When son got home and told, he called BM and explained to her that those are the rules at BM's house but not the rules at his house and that she should talk to him. The more I think about this, I think it's time I have a long talk with ex-DIL and tell my son beforehand that I am going to. I don't think this all would be so hard to deal with if ex-DIL was born and raised in the states and we did not have to have the fear of her leaving the states with the grandson lurking in the background. None of us want to have a international custody battle and chance not being a part of the boy's life. Thanks for letting me unload.

Have not heard anything about Uri Geller in a long time. He used to be a fixture on TV for a while. What I really found interesting is that I had such a different perspective of Sandra Cisneros from what she writes about herself.