I'm sorry? How old is he? How long have you been with his dad? How long have you been married to his dad?

I think PDA is appropriate to some extent if it is kept short and sweet. In other words, not doing anything to your partner that you wouldn't do to one of your kids ;)

Light kisses, body touching, winking, holding hands, hugging... all appropriate if done lovingly rather than sexually. Kids need to see their parents/step parents interacting in a loving way.

I think you need to get DH to talk to him to find out what "if he had known what it was going to be like he wouldn't have been the best man" means.

What does he mean "what it was going to be like"? What is it? And what is it about "it" that is bothering him?

PDA in public should be the same. Light, loving and to the point. No lingering kisses, caresses. But showing love should not be taboo.

I didn't understand the second paragraph, but as far as the rest of it goes, you should show affection in front of the kids, that is how they learn. Affection is how you show love, to me it is more important than saying "I love you".

SS is 13 We have been together for a year married last July. We had had a good relationship started he moved in with us in Sept. Moved back to his moms last Wednesday. That is why I am so upset. Everything was going great then all of a sudden the bottom fell out and now he says he hates me. We didn't have a fight nothing happen that I can see. He just decided that he wants it to be just him and his dad. He told his dad he wants it to be just him and his dad and nobody else. He asked DH Did he ever think it would come to DH having to decide between SS or ME.

We don't do anything outside of just "Sugars" and holding hands. Maybe little stronger kiss then I give my own kids but not much.

Nikimama,

You're "beating yourself up" for something that probably doesn't even really have anything to actually do with you, except by default as stepparents do usually make for the most convenient "scapegoat".

How's BM's life going? Are you so sure that SHE'S not at the bottom of this? Seriously, are you?

Or SS might have thought that by moving in with daddy, he shouldn't have to live by ANY rules, and thinks if you weren't around, he would be able to manipulate dad far better and do anything he wants!

Maybe he just doesn't like having to share his dad and live in a house with 4 other people! Having to share things such the TV and can't always watch the shows he wants to, having to wait to use the bathroom, not being able to use the phone, going in the refrigerator and discovering that one of his stepsiblings drank all the milk--and there's no more cereal left, having his dad not buy him as many things because he longer has as much "expendible income" as he had before. If he told his dad the real truth, his dad might tell him that he's just being selfish, but by telling his dad it's YOU, and that he thinks you're "mean" to him, well, if you left, you'd take the 3 sons you brought with you as well, and he'd have the whole house and his dad to himself again!

If your expressions of endearment have started to annoy him at all, it's more likely it was as a result of his resentments, not the cause.

My SDs told my husband and me to "get a room" all the time, another one of the things they said we found confusing as we already of course HAVE a room.

I actually don't think though that our "expressions of endearment" however actually had the effect of making them feel secure or gave them the comfort of a "safe and happy home." I don't think it had a negative effect either. They were more concerned and involved with their own lives.

I'm also confused about the second paragraph about the picture and the cell phone?

Nikemama

My MIL related a story to me when I was married to my X. Her other son was preteen but around the same age as you SS. All of sudden he could not stand to be in the same room with her, wouldn't allow her to kiss or hug him and treated her terribly. She finally was able to get him to talk to about what had happened.....He had a friend in the neighborhood that had gotten a hold of some porn magazines. It really upset her son to see woman that way and although I'm not sure what publication he saw, it is possible that men and women were in the pictures together.....Just a thought about what might have changed your SS's reaction to you. He could have accessed something on the Internet or should you have something in your home that is for your eyes only perhaps he has come across it. I know as a kid I used to snoop through my parents dresser drawers when they weren't home. I never found anything. Don't know if that was a good thing or not! (wink, wink)

If he saw a questionable picture of his mom I am surprised that he is treating you this way and wants to live with her.

My DS16 and I had a heart to heart a few weeks ago and I was surprised to hear him say that he felt before I remarried that things had been perfect for us. He said that when it was just his sister, himself and me that he was really happy.....I was shocked. We have talked about it several times since then and I can't relate to you every detail of the conversations but I had to remind him that things were not perfect. I also told him that had I not remarried 3 years ago he would still be working, out with his friends and at his girlfriends house. Also his sister would be in college and working and never home. Part of what I told him I thought he missed was his carefree "little boy" years and that I missed them too but it really had nothing to do with my marriage.

DS and I have now set up a date night once a week where he and I ( sometimes his girlfriend also ) will go out to eat together. We go on an evening that DH is in class and SD10 is at a Church activity.

Does you DH spend one on one time with his son apart from you? I think it is important to do that with our kids, even if we are not in a "blended" family situation.

I would want to get to the bottom of this. I'm not sure how much I would press SS or have his dad question him but it would nag at me also and obviously something has happened in SS's thought process. For his sake also it would be a good thing if he could open up about this. Best of luck to you in resolving this.

I think it is nice to show some PDA if it is appropriate. saying that...It is true that seeing PARENTS hugging and kissing makes children to feel safe and happy and teaches them about relationships. This situation however is a bit different when it is a parent and parent's spouse.

Although it is still appropriate I doubt it is somehting that is going to make them feel safe. Honestly I think it might make them feel uncomfortable watching expression of affection in this situation. I come from intact family so i do not know how it feels, but I suspect I would feel entirelly different watching my dad with someone other than my mother. I'd probably prefer I don't see anything.

Another thought....Is mom in a relationship as well? Does SS get along wiht mom's SO/husband/BF?

Or maybe mom said something to SS about you? Something bad?

I think Believer and Finedreams are onto something.

It is entirely different seeing bio parents show affection vs. bio dad and stepmom. Especially for a hormonal teenage boy. He might even see you in a "funny" light and have uncomfortable thoughts that make it worse.

I remember my Dad and SM were so proud of their double head shower back in the day. It used to give me the creeps how they would talk about it to everyone and then know they went and took showers together. Gross!

SS's Mother has had a live in BF or as long as DH has been out of the house(with a week of him leaving). She has kicked BF out a few times and had the same other man fill BF's "shoes" everytime. The Cell phone thing made SS as mad as he seems to be right now. It was a picture of his mother doing a favor for her BF and THEY decided to save the moment on the Phone which SS later FOUND. He Called DH BAWLING his eyes out saying he hated her and her BF.

We didn't have any of those things happen here but when the pictures were found EX told SS that your dad does that stuff too and SS said MY DAD WOULDN'T DO THAT!! If SS has discovered that Dad likes that stuff too, then maybe that is what has set him off but NOTHING was found here. SS is 13. While I don't put anything like that in their face. We don't go in the bathroom together when the kids are home. If DH takes a shower and I am in the bedroom when he gets out, I leave and shut the door so they aren't on the couch thinking HMMM Mom is in the bedroom with him and he is NAKED!! I don't think my boys would act the same way. My kids love DH and are much happier since he has been with us.

The Exwife thing talking to SS is very possible. She has been on SS since he left to come back. She could have easily said things like "what are you doing, Sitting in your room, Why is SHE with him and your not" or much worst I am sure. DH spent tons of time with SS when he was here. It is just Shocking to me that everything was going so well and all of a sudden the bottom fell out.

Its obvious that your are sensitive and its obvious that this truly hurts you. What i dont like if your hubby telling you those comments and you going into a crying fit. Its bad enough as it is but maybe he can hold his tongue...eitherway. he's honest with you and i know it really hurts.
Yah, the kids is probably brain washed and edged by dear ole mom. And it sounds like mom is a piece of work. Kicking out boyfriends..taking others.
BUt keeping a momentum picture of her and her bf in a certain act is waaaaay ronchy for me! What kind of person is she? Insecure....
Your ss is taking his anger out on you. He feels like mom has betrayed him and he has only dad. And since you are a female....he hates the female now due to his mom..so your just a target and some of the nasty sayings he is telling his dad are just confusion or he honestly doesn't really understand or mean them. What i'm curious though is what does your husband say to his son to defend him? ' if i knew she would be like this i would not have been the best man'???? i know my husband would take insult and tell him to not only apoligize to me immediately but to him as well.
Does your husband defend you or does he just listen to his sons sayings and nods?????
EIther way. He's at mom's. He will be raised by mother now. Try to focus on things for yourself, your family and your husband. I know it will be difficult. There will times your mind will go back to it because there is no real explaination. The bottom fell, you are being blamed and rejected for nothing.
If it makes you feel better, confront his son, spill your gutts then tel l him its his loss and not yours. Good luck . We might not like one another but we have to respect another as human beings. Period. Your in dads life , your his wife , your not his mother and never will be and he's going to have to accept it. If he is rude, you will throw it back in his face. if it increases then dad will have to step in and put him in his place.
I'm sure i remember in a previous post you said your dh told him to shape up before he came down.
Try to treat yourself out and refocus or talk to your husband about your feelings. What does he say?

That is all I can do, is just be happy and go on. DH had been trying to understand son and explain that I make him happy and I am not going anywhere. That his marriage with SS's Mother was not something that they could "work out." DH is open, not trying to hurt my feelings but it is hurtful to even talk about.

The new kicker is SS told DH that SD got a paddled last night by BM for talking back. SS told DH that dad you don't understand she has a bad attitude. Before I could Stop myself I said well isn't that the pott calling the kettle black. DH didn't like that much but what could he say. I think DH needs to tell SS to get over it and straighten up!! I haven't done anything to him to make him act like he is and he needs to stop allowing him to keep on. I think SS likes the attention of the drama.