I have a 20 year old son and I would have done the same thing you did. My husband tells me that I "baby" my son too much. If he ever yelled at me for being a mother to any of my children I think I would just tell him that no amount of yelling (or anything else on Gods' green earth) would EVER change the way I care for my children. My husband would also never dream of letting his daughter go without and spoils her as well. I think of it this way, I've been married before, and there are no guarantees that ANY marraige will last til death do us part, but my son will ALLWAYS be my son, and I will treat him with the love and respect that he deserves from his mother. He's the one that hung in there with me through bad marraiges and everything else. Hang in there and don't let anyone tell you how to treat your children. Good luck

Gosh, I can't believe your husband would yell at you for taking your son to the doctor. Wouldn't your husband want you to go to the doctor with him if he had hurt HIS back? How long have you been married to him?

Thank you both for the comments. We have been married for a short 6 years...going on 7 this july. This is my second marriage but my son will always be my son forever. He has stuck by me through bad relationships so I will always be there for him no matter what. Yes, I would go to the hospital with anyone that asks me to go with them especially my family. I just don't know what to say to my husband when he behaves this way. Sometimes I feel as if my DH doesn't have a heart. I guess he was raised differently than I was.

stepmom, My mother used to say to me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" she also told me "if you don't know what to say, then don't say anything" If you don't engage or respond to his yelling or negative behavior, then HE can't justify his yelling. Maybe you could calmly tell him that you will not change the way you care for your family. I am so happy to hear that you will always be there for your son. He must be a great kid. You raised him to be a great person, so don't change now. I wish you the best of luck.

Dear Stepmom,
I just joined this group last week and was wondering if other people were in the situation I am. Well guess what - unfortunately for you - you are. I know all about the whatever you call it jealousy. I deal with it everyday with my husband. His son can do no wrong and my son is so stupid. It isn't true, but that is my husband's perspective. I know I am not the crazy one though, because even his family can see it. The way I deal with it, is just do what I feel is right in my heart and deal with his chatter, that's all it is. I am my son's mother and will be there for him. I am very proud of him and for good reason. I have done a good job bringing him up and won't stop now that he is 18, living at home but paying rent and working full time in his apprenticeship. He also pays his truck payment and insurance on his own.
Yes my husband's remarks make me mad. But just because he says things, doesn't make them true.
Some days I wish I could retaliate and point out to him that my son is the one who graduated with honors, bought his own first vehicle, has a full time job, has never been arrested or wrecked vehicles, choked girls, etc. etc. etc.
But you know what - all that falls on deaf ears because his son is perfect. And he hates me. Now he has joined the marines to get away from the me, the evil stepmother, and it is all my fault and he hates it. It will be all my fault too, if something happens to him. My husband told me that. Fun huh. Have you ever read the rules on how to turn your wife into an evil step mother? It is on the web. I have passed every one of them with flying colors thanks to my husband.
Effort equals results. If you bring your kids up to be responsible and accountable and respectful, they will succeed in this world. My stepson was never required to learn any of that. My son was. And it shows. If that is what you are dealing with, then just keep in mind that the way you take care of your son, and how he turns out, is all connected and keep doing what you are doing, because you must be doing something right.
I am sorry that you are in my shoes. Not a nice place to be.
I keep thinking when all the kids are out, I hope I still love him enough to make it all worth it. We still have 2 more to go. The good thing is that my younger stepson loves me and we have a real relationship. My daughter is the youngest and she is going in the right direction too.
I had a step dad when I was a kid and didn't like him either when I lived with him. I loved him though when I grew up and figured things out. Unfortunately he died of cancer. I miss him very much. I keep hoping that will happen with my older stepson - he gets a taste of the real world without daddy rescuing him, and he may see that I wasn't so bad after all.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
Sarah

You know what, when I read threads like this it makes me so sad and tired. I have been in my second marriage for 33 very long years. It breaks my heart all over to think of the wasted years. Nothing got better, nothing changed, same ole, same ole. My husband is now in a care home, I care about him and feel so sorry for him. But, for the first time in 33 years I have peace, no frustration, no dreading a phone call from the kids. If I were you and all the others in this site.........I would demand respect and if I didn't get it I would pack and run as fast as I could or make him pack depending on the situation. Nothing will ever change so think about your life as it is today because this is the way it will be for the rest of your life.