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I love both dads but who should walk me down the isle?

23 years ago

I love my dad and my step dad, my step dad has always been there for me and well my dads my dad. I want them to both be happy on my wedding day but I don't know how I can have both walk me down the isle and have it not look strange and feel strange since they don't really get along, so what should I do?

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Comments (23)

mom_2_4
23 years ago
I don't know if this has ever been done (but would it matter?), how about BOTH of them doing it? One on each arm? Could they do that without killing each other?

Or, here's another alternative -- have your bio Dad walk you down the aisle, but make a special toast to your step-dad at the reception to honor him and what he's meant to you. Or reverse it, depending on which you are closer to. You might want to say how lucky you are to have both your SD and your BD in your life.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! You are indeed lucky to have two caring Dads in your life.
weed30 St. Louis
23 years ago
A friend recently got married and her bio dad walked her to the middle, where her stepdad was waiting. Dad hugged and kissed her, then stepdad walked her the rest of the way and "gave her away". Her stepdad raised her, but like you, her dad was her dad.

The "dads" aren't buddies by any stretch, but they were able to put aside their dislike for each other for one day.
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RosieL
23 years ago
I just hope that since they both love you, they can put aside their animosity for this day. No one can have too much love!
brandym
23 years ago
When I got married, I had my stepdad walk me out. At the end, my dad was waiting and he gave me away. I only did this because I didnt want to not include my dad. When I told he and my stepmother the plan, she said well he doesnt even have to be in it if you don't want him to. That hurt so bad, but it was worth it to see my stepdad's face when I asked him. He is my dad and he is going my be my child's grandfather. This is your day and don't let anyone guilt trip you into picking one or the other. You love them both and consider them both your dads. I am sure it will mean a lot to your stepdad.
webegardnr
23 years ago
I've been to wedding were the SD walked the bride part of the way and the Bio the rest, and visversa. My best friend had her two brothers walk her down, since her dad had passed and her SD was too sick to do it. It didn't long strange at all. All anyone could see was the love they had for her. Do what you want, it's your day. Congratulations and best wishes for a life time of happiness and love!
stacey446
23 years ago
I think the both dads one 1/2 way or walking you all the way and the other giving you away sounds so sweet. I getting misty. lol
nadastimer
23 years ago
I would do either half way or have them both walk you down the isle. It's the best thing to do so that you're not hurting either one or having to choose who to do this. There's nothing wrong with both of them doing it together, I've seen things on TV (like on A Wedding Story) where a mother and father walked their daughter down the isle and gave her away, so what would be wrong with both of your dad's? You may end up with more raised eyebrows if you would only choose one of them to do this instead of including both and I'm sure people will think it was nice of you to include both.

~Leslie~
mary_md7
23 years ago
As the wife of a noncustodial dad, I know it would break his heart to not walk his daughter down the aisle. Unless he has been an absent father, it would be my recommendation to go with dad and not stepdad.
brandym
23 years ago
Mary_md7, if a stepfather has loved and cared for his stepdaughter it would also break his heart to be left out of a very special time in her life. A wedding day isnt about what the parents want anyway. It is about the bride and the groom. Also, no one is talking about leaving the dad out completely but including the stepdad.
mary_md7
23 years ago
"A wedding day isnt about what the parents want anyway. It is about the bride and the groom."

This isn't the topic of the thread, so I won't go into this in detail, but I could not disagree more with this statement.
Jonesy
23 years ago
Our grandaughter got married last year and she solved the problem by walking unescorted down the isle. I thought it was a great idea.
whazzup
23 years ago
I think Jonesy's solution is a good one. Lots of women are walking unescorted down the aisle now. Never really understood the whole "who gives this woman" thing anyway.
Jonesy
23 years ago
Whazzup, I put the same comment about giving women away and then deleted it. :o)
whazzup
23 years ago
Yeah, I know it's traditional and weddings are steeped in tradition. But since I've gotten older and have given it some thought, I don't really like that part of the wedding. Please don't flame me because it won't do any good anyway :) What is the phrase exactly, "who gives this woman in marriage?" And then the father says "her mother and I" or whatever. She's not a piece of property to be given away, is she? Well, I didn't mean to take this thread off topic, but I really think some people should consider taking that part of the ceremony out. It's like the vow "love honor and obey". You don't hear that too much anymore either. Hope ya'll don't think I'm anti-marriage, I'm not. I certainly believe in the holy union of two people if that is what they choose. Just my opinion.
whazzup
23 years ago
Oh, and I should add that I don't see anything wrong with having Dad or step Dad walk a woman down the aisle. Just maybe disperse with the "give" part. :)
Jerri
23 years ago
I would go for both dads, why can't they both walk you down the isle? Why can't they both say "her mother and I do"? I think opting for neither would hurt BOTH of them!
j
talley_sue_nyc
23 years ago
Whazzup, when the answer is "her mother and I" or even "her original family," I don't have any problem.

The point is not that you're being given away like property (though it used to be), but that your original family is relinquishing their claim to being first in your loyalties and emotions. A new family is being created, and it will have primacy for the bride and groom.

I like that ritual, actually, and i think it should be expanded to include the grooms family.
Jonesy
23 years ago
Both dads ? Not in our case there were hard feelings with the Dad. She was going to have him walk her down the aisle until he lectured her about having a baby THEN a wedding. He is a fine one to lecture since he was convicted of sexual assault. The bride doesn't know about the conviction, she has enough problems with her dad without knowing that.
whazzup
23 years ago
Talley, I still think it might be better to just have the officiant say "who presents this woman for marriage". I have also heard of the parents of both the groom and bride being asked, "do you promise to support and respect this marriage", etc., something to that effect. It's the "who gives this woman" that kinda bugs me :) It is definitely from the tradition of when a woman was considered property in the eyes of the law. Anyway, I do hope OP can work this all out and make everybody happy on her wedding day, but sometimes that's just not possible!
britbritmay
22 years ago
Whatever came of this?
timbrel
20 years ago
Just another point of view here. In the Jewish tradition the parents of both bride and groom "bring" them to the wedding canopy. They both raised these children and send them off to their new life as a couple. There are "bride as chattel" issues in the traditional Jewish ceremony also, but not in this aspect.
mary_md7
20 years ago
My feeling about the dad half-way then stepdad is that is sends a message of the father "handing off" his daughter to another father. Not a good message.

You know, there is no y chromosome requirement here. My stepdaughter (who lived with her stepdad for many years) chose her mother to walk her down the aisle.
bugfarm
20 years ago
Like many other contributors, I like the idea of both Dads participating. As a stepmom, I know the feelings involved can be deep and complicated, but I also believe that each of your Dads should understand and accept (maybe even appreciate) that you also love the other. Who wouldn't be happy to raise a daughter who was able to love ALL of her parents? If only they could each count it as a personal success that they haven't closed off your heart to this very special kind of love -- even when it's sent in someone else's direction.

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