I probably missed something, what did they do and why is he cutting contacts with his children? Were there posts about it in the past? I am confused.

oh i see now, you are THAT person. let me refresh my memory. he cheated on his wife with you, left his wife, moved in with you right from his family home, his children were forced to meet you after he already moved in with you and now you are happy he cuts contacts with his children. very "classy" behavior. I see "bright" future for this marriage.

What part of how your DH handled the whole mess of leaving his wife and children for TOW should they be OK with?

"Husband said he raised them to be tolerant of others forgive mistakes and coexist with all humans with an open mind and heart" Sounds like a man with a plan.

~Cat

--"He told therapist what happened at X-mas and therapist said the SD's are old enough to know better than to keep hurting their Dad over and over again so the best way to deal with it (both had same conclusion)was just not to have contact with them and see if they can grow into to adulthood and realize the folly of their behavior."--

I was not going to post in this thread but when I took a second glance at it decided I would. I think since alot of us here post about therapy/counseling and recommend it that this post rather serves to point out something.

If your therapist who you 'have been seeing for years' is only willing to advise on one side of a 'story' and viewpoint, and/or has only met with the one side and has gotten no true understanding of all parties he/she is supposedly counseling you on, look for a new therapist. Don't waste your time and money on a poor one or one who is not invested enough in your 'case' to truly have a desire to be beneficial to your situation.

Oh, just my humble opinion, but I'm not buying that the above 'quoted' advice came from a degreed, licensed professional but instead may be 'your' slanted desire of what may have actually been advised if counseling had been undertaken between all parties.

Agreed Justme, I was thinking exactly the same thing. Even though DH & I don't attend together my therapist always tries to help me to see both sides of a particular situation. I think maybe that was OPs or her DH's summarization of her DH's counseling experience?

~Cat

no therapist would advise anyone to stop seeing his children unless DH lies to his therapist or omits the truth. or OP interprets whatever DH or therapist say to her own advantage. for example therapist says give your children more time and let them do it in their own pace and don't force it, but she interprets it: stop seeing your children.

I was just reading this thread, and it sounds like I missed some of it because of posts that evaporated, but bottom line, it sounds like OP came here to ask advice about how to better the relationship between her husband and his children. Which seems like a good thing to do, yes? I'm guessing she already knows that the way her relationship with her husband began is going to add challenges to her stepfamily building, so I'm thinking rather than angry attacking comments, we might instead give her practical advice?

Plenty of us have dealt with BMs who for whatever reason have tried to turn the children against their dad. One thing I would suggest to Punkintm and her DH is to be very open with the children that they know this is hard for them. To tell them "Look, your dad is happy with Punkintm and wasn't happy with your mom" won't be comforting to them at first--plus, they will be able to see that with ease, no need rubbing it in.

Punkintm, you said your husband raised them to be tolerant and forgive mistakes; right now they are dealing with something that is probably super emotionally difficult for them and they are the ones who need the most tolerance just now...and if you guys give them that, treat them with patience, they may well come around and be able to process and get past what they're going through with their BM. Time is everything. Just think about it. As their mother (hopefully) gets past her hurt and anger and gets on with her life, what will they remember? That their dad retaliated when they were unable to handle the situation? Or that he (and you, his wife, their stepmom) were understanding and patient and were waiting in the wings for when they were ready to build the new family relationship?

MMMM...yah Sd's are old enough and were old enough at the time when you cheated with their father to decide whether to cut ties with you and him.
Soooo,,,did you tell the therapist that youmet your husband who was married at the time and then he moved in with you 2 months later?
so what title do you hold? let me see....its also known as a HOMEWRECKER! I've known woman and know one now who is having an affair with a married man with two kids.....she clearly told him she is not interested in marrying him or his kids, just having a fling. He doesn't care...keeps going with her and now i 've heard throught he grapevine that he's caught....oh boy...ITS CALLED BEING SELFISH.
Does your therapist know you are selfish? does he or she truly know all the facts? or did you do waht you just wrote in this post. Just say the sd are old enough to decide and paint a picture of boohooo...daugthers are rejecting dad cause he remarried and SM is a saint and did nothing wrong.
Many above will keep givin gthe entire story so you can stop your deceptive attitude here. You met a married man, let him move in with you 2 months later. Interferred with a marriage. His divorced got finalized 2 years later and you got married a short time later. I honestly couldn't give a flying F! how much money your dh gave to support his wife at the time while living with you . he owed them at much considering his betrayal and all the amount of money he gave could notlift the guilt or wrong he has done.
good luck. Stop coming onto sites expecting someone to pity you. Accept the fact you started wrong, these girls owe you nothing and dad can olny hope they do forgive and tolerate his presence now...nto forget that he betrayed his family. He can keep spending the money on all the therapist he wants, he must accept he f'd up big time, he should have accepted the fact the marriage was over, moved out ALONE! and then started something, after legally divorcing. ANd then if the sd were doing this, then you would have a damn good reason to say, hey, sd dont' want anythign to do with us, i did nothign wrong except love their dad, i didn't cause the divorce. It doesn't matter if your dh fell out of love with said wife for 5 years...point was he was married.

Puntim,

Did someone tell therapist background that Dad left his family for you? I doubt it.

You made your bed, you've got a good life for you and your daughters. Stop pretending you care about anyone else.

Well, Ulrike1, while practical advice sounds reasonable, like you said, you missed the 'poofed' post and it was not a pretty picture of a Sm trying hard and giving time.

For me, at least, the missing one spoke volumns. In a nutshell summary: after deliberately not showing at SD's event (which poster downplayed as trival and no big deal actually requiring their presence), the girl called and asked dad why he did not come. Answer was along the lines of 'you hurt me, I hurt you, how does it feel'.

Sorry, I have no other practical advice to give other than for dad to seek family counseling with his daughters and to be allowed to guilt free go to neutral surroundings to visit with daughters and see if father/daughters (minus the poster) can not begin to repair damages. I also reminded poster in poofed post that the youngest daughter is still a minor and has every right to think her father should be financially supporting the girl (after her comments about only time dad hears from minor is when she needs or wants something).

"Husband said he raised them to be tolerant of others forgive mistakes and coexist with all humans with an open mind and heart and neither one of them is doing what they were taught.So he is just letting them go."

Yes, and you can see how tolerant he is of them by how he's forgiving what he perceives as their mistakes, including how well he's coexisting with them with an open mind and heart. Apparently he only believes in these things when they're directed towards him: it's not worth it when it means work on his part, him compromising, or even admitting that he's hurt them.

Personally, right now I think he's teaching them that he'll abandon them and he can't be trusted to value their love for him or respect their feelings about a difficult situation. This seems like a far more terrible lesson to teach your children, no matter what their ages.

OP has affair with married man, not upset when he doesnt see kids.

Dear Puntim, you've taken care of yourself and your kids. You've made your bed, now lie in it.

I hope dad wakes up to what he's thrown away. In the meantime, I hope the best for the kids.

What're the odds that the therapist, assuming there is a therapist, actually said all that stuff?

If you accept what was posted as what actually happened, then the loose ends are all tied up, no more problem, end of discussion, thank you very much, no one needs respond/question OP.

neat.

sylvia i think we all know that therapist did not say such things. either OP deliberately misinterprets what therapist says, or DH lied to therapist or to OP or this whole story is made up. of course no therapist would advise to cut contact with children!