Personally I would feel a bit irritated - I go out of my way to include BD in everything about DD and I never get a response so I have stopped. I think you should say 'lesson learned' so don't do it again.

I will never understand these parents that can't see the good in what others do. I would be so grateful if SM shared that with me bc I would not want to miss it. Unfortunately SM would intentionally leave me out just to show me what I missed and that she was there.

I would be surprised if my DD's SM send me anything. I like DD's SM and we talk when appropriate yet if I get some texts/pics sent to me from her, I would think something happened to my ex and she is informing me he is in the hospital or even worse.

myfampg, there is a difference, you, the mother, send info to DD's father. It is not the same as SM sends pictures to BM.

I sent a picture to BM once; years ago I was teaching SS how to do a craft project and he asked if I could send a picture to his mom. So I did, I included on the text that SS had asked me to send it so that she could see what he was working on (and so BM would know that I wasn't trying to do some bizarre "Look what SS and I are doing without you" kind of thing"). She texted back some innocuous comment and that was the end of it. Since I'd done it at SS's request I didn't much care what she thought or didn't think of it all, to be honest.

I guess I don't really 'see' the part you think you should be irritated about. I get you sent a pic and that BM then called and talked to her child about the pic...but as the pic was not requested nor expected of you, I miss the right to be irritated part.

Sure, it would have shown manners on BM's part to text back and say something like 'oh, what a surprise, Bonnie, and thanks bunches'. Lacking in manners, but not a real big irritation factor. If she had demanded you do these kind gestures for her or %itched you did'nt , that would be different IMO.

What would have irritated me though would have been if after getting the pic the BM would have completely ignored the gesture and event. Guess that's just me.

I often pull out my cell and snap a quick shot of the GS and send them off to his mother (my ex DIL). She does the same thing. Neither of us expect or request it...just do it. Sometimes I know it's at GS's request 'hey can we please send Mom a picture of this?' Sure 'we' can, and then 'we' do via my cell. I'm assuming that's partly why I get unexpected (but much appreciated) snaps of him via his mother and her cell too.

She obviously enjoyed receiving the pic and she did appreciate your gesture as she responded to the child almost immediately. That's what it's suppose to be all about, right? Let it be enough. It was a nice thing to do. If it really irritates you though that BM did not acknowledge your part in the event...just don't do it again.

Nah.

Life is short;
you sent the pic & your SD knows you did it out of good feelings, & that's what matters.

"I would be surprised if my DD's SM send me anything. I like DD's SM and we talk when appropriate yet if I get some texts/pics sent to me from her, I would think something happened to my ex and she is informing me he is in the hospital or even worse.

myfampg, there is a difference, you, the mother, send info to DD's father. It is not the same as SM sends pictures to BM."

Parent of one, not really sure why this touched a nerve with me but really? WHY does it make a difference if SM or dad sent it? Would it be okay if something happened at school & the teacher took a picture & sent it to mom? Is THAT okay? Why not a SM? Who cares WHO took or sent the picture? She got a picture of her kid in a GOOD way! (as opposed to pictures BM has sent DH of SD after she chops off SD's hair to irritate him.. That's not done in a good way!) Maybe if people stop worrying about who should do what for who & when.. who writes the freakin' rules?? They are kids & want everyone to love them & want everyone involved... so why would you worry that dad is in the hospital instead of saying THANK YOU... even if you can't stand the woman, it's a picture of YOUR kid!!! If she sent a picture of her kid or her & ex on vacation... that would be irritating. When my kids were little, I was happy to see pictures of them when I couldn't be there... I don't care WHO took them. Teachers, friend's parents, anyone with a freakin' camera.

If a mom can't appreciate it, then I agree.. don't do it again. Her loss, not yours.

"WHY does it make a difference if SM or dad sent it? Would it be okay if something happened at school & the teacher took a picture & sent it to mom? Is THAT okay? Why not a SM? Who cares WHO took or sent the picture? She got a picture of her kid in a GOOD way!"

!00% agree! My cousin (mom to a 4 yr old litle boy) recently babysat for my DD.

She emailed me pics of DD, and my cousin's little boy decorating a gingerbread house. I was happy to get them.

DD's teachers sends pics home all the time; my mom will email me pics, too.

I don't see the problem with SM sending a picture via text. It was a nice gesture.

OP, I would not necessarily expect a thank you to a texted(or emailed even) picture. I think it was a nice thing you did, and it's too bad BM didn't acknowledge it, but oh well.

Ima, you are upset with the wrong person. I am not BM who is not appreciative of SMs, wrong BM here. LOL I never said it would be wrong of SM to send me anything, I said I would be surprised. I have friendly relationship with SM, in fact our relationship is more friendly than is a typical relationship between exwife and a new wife, I talked to her on New Year, and DD does not even live with anyone of us. But I would be surprised to see a text from her.

A bit off topic but I dislike when people text me or send me stuff via texts (unless I asked them). As about anyone with the camera taking pics of my kid, i disagree. No, I don't want anyone with the camera taking pics of DD.

I am surprised to hear that teachers take unsolicited pictures of your children and send them to you without you asking for it? It is really weird.

"I am surprised to hear that teachers take unsolicited pictures of your children and send them to you without you asking for it? It is really weird."

I don't think it's weird at all, just the day and age in which we live. At my DD's school, each classroom has its own digital camera for that very purpose.

The school has a parent webpage (password protected) where parents/teachers may upload photos of school activities and extracurriculars, etc.

Ima, if I saw text from SM I would worry something happened to ex because she typically would not be texting. If you are gereally texting BM, then she would not be surprised, but DD's SM does not text me, so yes I would be surprised. I mean generally receiving text from SM would mean emergency.

I never said I can't stand her (where does this come from?????), I have no reason for that, in fact I like her, no, she isn't sending me DD's pics or texting me (once again can't stand texting), but I still like her.

I think you are upset at SD's BM and her general lack of respect for you so you are angry at a wrong BM because I guess you can't scream at a person who deserves it.

Lovehadley,
I live in the same day and age as you and yes we also have webpages and yes we have the same equipment. No, I do not take unsolicited pictures of individual children and do not send them to individual parents unless it's been requested.

We have parents who don't even want their children's pics in school online data base. For me to take their individual picture and send to a parent would be a stupid thing to do. Posting on school website/yearbook/school newspaper with appropriate permission is entirely different ballgame.

I am not upset & I'm certainly not upset with YOU. I said it struck a nerve.. as in it is very annoying to hear someone say "there is a difference, you, the mother, send info to DD's father. It is not the same as SM sends pictures to BM." when I see NO difference whatsoever. That is the general attitude that lots of BM's have when it comes to "THEIR" child that prevents a SM from being as involved as they could be... not saying it's true in YOUR case. It's nice that you get along with your DD's SM. But, I fail to see why it would matter who snapped the picture or who sent it to the mother... unless she is just being possessive, which is rather selfish because her children deserve to have as many people in the world love & care about them. To call up the child and instead of telling her how cute the picture is, the child is interrogated about who sent it. WHY does THAT matter?

My kids played baseball, were in karate, were in boy scouts, and dance. There were lots of pictures taken by other parents and if another mom had a cute shot that I missed of one of my kids, you bet your sweet @$$ I'd be thrilled to get a copy. If you know of a school that doesn't send a camera around to get shot of kids for the yearbook, I'd love to know what stone age they live in... I have gotten home made ornaments with my kids' picture on it, and many other school projects. DGS's daycare sent me several pictures they took while he was doing activities & playing there. That is stuff I could never get a picture of & yes, I appreciate ANY picture I can get.

and most of my post was in general... it was not meant that YOU can't stand your DD's SM. It meant even if (ANY) mom can't stand her child's SM (or teacher or best friend's mom... whoever took the picture), the ADULT thing to do is take the nice picture of your child and say thank you. If you really do not want your child's picture taken for whatever reason, then the adult thing to do is to say "I really appreciate the cute picture of my DD, however I really don't like unsolicited photos being taken of her so could you please respect my wishes & not send me any more pictures" BUT, that doesn't mean pictures won't be taken, it only means that the mother would not get a copy. You cannot control who takes pictures, especially when there are cameras everywhere. You may be able to stop them from being published by certain people, but certainly a SM or dad are going to keep taking pictures of the kids... the only difference is that now mom won't get to see them, which I find sad. That is cutting off your nose to spite your face, Really not smart if you love your kids... I'd rather have the picture of my kids. But, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

and my post had very little to do with my SD's BM. I made her a scrapbook a few years ago with snapshots we took of SD in San Francisco in front of many different Christmas trees & integrated pictures DH had from previous Christmases. I don't know if it bothered BM to get pictures from me but they were all pictures of her DD that she would not get anywhere else. In fact, she went on my facebook & myspace pages to copy pictures of SD from birthday parties & the holidays. She put them on her page so her friends will think she took them & does those things with SD. She put up pics of SD decorating the tree & lets her friends think it's at her house but it's my tree & I took the picture. I also find that kinda sad that she would rather steal my pictures than create her own when her DD is with her. But, no sense in beating that dead horse. At least she takes the pictures of her DD at all, I guess that's better than not wanting the pictures at all. I know DH would love to get pics of SD having fun at BM's house... but all he's ever gotten were picture texts a few times of SD with chopped off hair, always after an argument or disagreement (when BM doesn't get her way) and BM knows DH likes when her hair is long. (Or the new thing is that she cuts her hair immediately after he takes her to the salon to get a cut & style.) But again, that's vindictive & those types of pictures should not be shared.

Ima - I do agree but I want to add one thing. It doesn't matter to ME but in the state I live in, legally it does matter ... A teacher could not send an SM or SF a picture of a child without permission each time for each photo from the custodial parent. When it comes to school or education, the custodial parent has exclusive rights ... I don't agree because my DH can't be involved but it helps protect my child from her crazy SM ... And that's another story for another day. We even have an injunction in our orders that state, only BIO parents can discipline the child. Makes life difficult sometimes because I feel like I can't leave DD alone with DH so I can go to the store because he can't discipline her. So if she does something he can redirect her but that's it. But again it protects my DD in the end... And non custodial parents cannot leave children with their spouse or babysitter without contacting custodial parent for first right of refusal... So maybe BM was wanting to know if SM was left with DD when picture was taken ... Where was BD? I know that is what my first thought would have been ... Then I would have asked... Is she sending this to me to be a jerk and let me know I am missing this? But the rational side of me which is the winning side :) would have said thank you to SM because sending me a picture would have really meant a lot to me.

Parent, at the beginning of each school year, the school sends home a form asking a) if the parent gives permission for child's picture to be taken and then b) is the parent willing for child's picture to be used for advertisements/brochures for the school?

You can answer yes or no to EACH question. So it's not, I guess, unsolicited.

I get those at the beginning of the year too Love. It's a one-time opt-in/opt-out for pictures.

PO1, correct me if I'm wrong, but the SM in your case came into the picture AFTER DD was grown, correct?

OP, people can just be rude. I'd let this one slide as it appears she just has no manners.

I don't generally post on here. But, this subject is very dear to me. I am a non-custodial BM and before you judge that, it is a voluntary arrangement with our child who is a teenager. This is very difficult for me as a BM, not being involved in the everyday. SO, I get pics texted and emailed to me from BD and SM and grandparents and aunts/uncles. I don't require it, but it is something nice and I enjoy it, sometimes I acknowledge and sometimes I don't. I read this board, and don't understand why parents cannot put their differences aside as adults and be parents to our kids.

I understand why this upsets you, Ima. As a custodial SM, it never ceases to annoy me that I'm treated differently just because I'm a SM. Even though in my mind, my DH's mind, and my SS's mind, I am the MOM in our family. It doesn't matter if I'm a BM or a SM -- I'm his MOM 24/7...and to me, that means I can choose to share photos or whatever else with whomever I want...I've earned the right to make those decisions without someone telling me that I have no rights -- perhaps legally I don't, but morally, I have every right and I will challenge anyone who tries to tell me otherwise, including BM.

About 3 years ago, I decided that it would be a nice gesture to take photos of SS and e-mail them to BM since she didn't see him that often. He was entering his teens and there were many physical changes occurring - I thought she'd enjoy seeing those changes. In the e-mail I offered to take photos on a regular basis and e-mail them to her. She wrote back to thank me for the original photos, but said nothing about wanting me to send more...so I left it at that. I figured she just wasn't interested. Sometimes, it's best to not even try to figure these women out.

BM never sends us photos of SD. Never, never never. SD came over and I had a picture of her 2 years ago (school photo) in a frame. She hates it and wanted me to take it down. I told her I would when she sent me a replacement...

It sucks. I send DD's dad photos by email all the time. And school photos, etc.

I would be grateful to get copies of any photos taken of my child. How nice to see her through the eyes of someone else.

Since we are talking about pictures and I have lots of 'crazy' stories to share... This one came to mind...

When DD and I moved out at the seperation, BD and I went through all of her photo albums and he marked the ones he wanted copies of. Because most of our photos were from before the digital age, I had to scan in every picture and order prints. I did this for BD because well.. I used to be a scrapbooker before having 2 kids and I love making albums. Most of the pics were of just DD and some with BD and his family. Beautiful job I did if I don't say so myself ... Not one pic of me which is OK, this was for BD to have DDs photos and then he could add to it or get a new album to start collecting their new life. We also split 1/2 of all the hanging pictures of DD. He kept some that were my favorites but they were his too and I was a doormat at the time so I had no problem allowing him to keep them. I even replaced the ones I took with other photos so the frames were not empty and/or holes in the wall where a frame once hung. I did everything to keep DDs house as it was or close to it even though she was living with me in our new place. So enough background... When BD moved in with now SM, they returned every photo minus the frame... And the photo album. They sent it home with 6 yr old DD who was crying, daddy doesn't want my pictures anymore. I contacted BD and said 'what's the deal? These are yours, you begged me for these?'he said we I think they would be better with DD and that you could use them more than I will. I was stunned but glad they came home instead of the trash. I asked if he had copied them and he said 'no, we are going to start new memories with new photos of DD'.

Well I would send a copy of DDs school photo and they would always send it back with DD. I went to great lengths to make them and their families Christmas cards with just DD instead of my 'new' family because I know they don't want a photo of me... But they would give the card back to DD and say 'you keep it with your things at your mom's'. So I stopped. It's been a couple yrs but when DD got to visit their house for a little while at thanksgiving, her entire extended family was there. So I sent several pictures of DD from school ( school photo) and only her grandparents took one. DD is older now and said 'oh well more for my friends' lol but it just erks me that they are such jerks. DD said they have no pictures of her at their house and they said we need a new photo of you and she said well I have school photos with me and they told her 'no we want to take family photos'. So I told DD I thought it was a better idea anyway that way they have their own photos that they want to display... But they did send thru the mail a christmas card to DD with a photo of BD, DD and SM. DD has it in her room on her memo board... I thought about sending it back... Although my rational side (you know, my kinder gentler side) said Oh DD I love it!!! Let's put it in your room. Gag!!

I think it was great that BM called her daughter and talked about the missing teeth. Do you and BM usually have anomosity between you? Perhaps that is why she didn't acknowledge that you took/sent the picture to her.

Love, I read your comparison with your cousin sending you a picture and I have to disagree that it is NOT the same as a BM receiving a picture from an SM. How would you feel if BM happened to take a picture of your DD and SS and then sent it to you? Quite a different feeling from when your cousin sent a picture to you.

Wow. I am suprised at what a nerve this stuck for many people.

What I am getting is that it was a nice gesture, but no need to expect any recongition for it nor is it necessary.

I'm a bit confused, though. Are some people saying it is not okay to have taken a picture of her and sent it? Do you really think that was rude of me? I do not mind your opinions. I actually want them. I should contemplate the other side. Maybe what I am doing is rude? Maybe not.

The conclusion I am coming to is that I should just not do it anymore. Hmmmmm...

" How would you feel if BM happened to take a picture of your DD and SS and then sent it to you?"

That's not a comparable scenario because BM is not a close person to my DD the way I am to SS.

The comparable situation would be if my DD had a SM who sent pictures. I don't think it would bother me---I hope not---because I agree with everyone who has said they like to see pictures of their child from whomever has a camera. It's neat to see your child's experiences from when you are not/cannot physically be there. IMO.

I would not email/text a pic to BM NOW----because of the history but I have in the past and she always responded with "cute" or "thanks!"

BM often texts pics of SS at her house to DH.

Bonnie, I think you need to do what you are going to be 'ok' with. If it really bothers you that BM does not personally say 'thanks' to you, stop. Why bring bad feelings upon yourself? If BM was upset picture was indeed from you, stop. Why pi$$ off a BM.

I did not 'get from your post that BM was angry, just that she seemed a bit surprised. She actually may have thought your boyfriend sent the photo via your phone. You know the BM, none of us do. We can't guess/judge what went on in her head.

She should use manners and say thanks, but some people are just thoughtless and rude...IDK why with this BM. Have the two of you been friendly between each other before? Are there hard feeling between you?

I think that if the daughter was wanting to share her moment with her BM, you did nothing wrong. It was nice. I will assume you don't whip out your cell and snap photos of the child and send them off any ol' where nor post snaps without parental permission on places like FB ect.

At this point you really are not the child's stepmother and according to a recent post you are not living any longer for the present time with child's father. These things might make a difference for child's BM. I'm not saying it does, but it might.

Looks like BM enjoyed the gesture. Unless she asked that you not do it again or unless she reemed Dad over it, I would think it's ok to send another once in a while when the child wants to share. I would not just start sampping photos and sending them at all times...you'd not want BM to get the idea that this a about something that it's not.

As in Ima's case. I'd be one irritated lady if I were receicing pics just because somebody thought it would annoy/angry me. Cutting child's hair and sending a 'nah-nah, so there' pic is childish and vindictive. Totally uncalled for and asking for 'trouble'.

It's just a photo;
sending it on to someone who might appreciate it is a nice thing to do, & receiving one from someone else is nice, too, but it isn't worth trying to read anything into it.

Looking for expressions of gratitude is setting yourself up for disappointment & maybe resentment, but sending thank-yous for photos *you* receive is the gracious thing to do.

I my own personal self would keep sending pics, to stepchild's mother, to child's father, etc, no matter how close I was to the child or the recipient (trying to include all combinations here), &, unless the pic came from someone against whom I'd taken out a restraining order at any time, I'd email a thank-you to anyone who sent me a photo of a friend or family member.

& remember that the focus belongs on the child;
The child may never know or care or may know & care.
but it's still a nice thing to do.

Once you've sent it, forget it & go on to something else.

I find it strange that CPs are expected not only raise children but also take pictures and send them to NCPs. Why aren't NCPs taking pictures of their kids and frame them? Silvers said that child was actually right there in front of them yet she was told that her mother has to mail pictures to dad? And a kid is right there?

I think it puts her in a middle, dad has no pics of SD (only old school pic that kid dislikes-nobody likes school pics)because mom does not send him pictures. Personally I would answer: sure how about dad takes a new picture of you and frames it. Otherwise it is blaming her mother that her father has no pics. Really...

I understand maybe dad wants professionally done picture, then why not schedule an appointment and take his child to a salon and take and frame her pictures? If my ex asked me for pictures i would always gave him pics, but he took plenty of his own pictures every time he was with DD, went on vacations with her etc He has more pics than me.

In fact NCPs would have more time taking pics because they are nto as involved with day to day mandane stuff and see kids more around holidays, breaks and fun times.

bonniegarcia it would not bother me if SM sent me anything, we get along and are friendly and I would reply to her. But i take it that BM and you are not in good terms so that's why she did not reply. If you two don't get along, then maybe it is better for dad to send pics to avoid drama.

Oh my goodness PO1. Have you ever heard of framing school photos? Have you ever heard of kids not liking their school photos?

I have SD's school photo framed. When I get a new school photo, I'll replace that one. I happen to like the picture, as does her dad. I thought that was a good compromise.

After all, WHAT CHILD tells someone to take a photo down just because they don't like it? My grandmother would have told me the same thing. If you don't like it SEND ME A PHOTO YOU DO LIKE AND I WILL REPLACE THIS ONE WITH THE ONE YOU LIKE.

"Silvers said that child was actually right there in front of them yet she was told that her mother has to mail pictures to dad?"

I NEVER said her mom needs to mail pictures. I told SD to mail a new school picture if she wants me to get rid of the old one.

It has nothing to do with dad, or wanting professional photo done. He wasn't even in the room. We have lots of photos of SD. But BM doesn't send any. Yes, I think dad would like a photo of SD doing things she does in her everyday life, things like soccer and ballet and school activities... I don't think that's wrong. We have tons of photos of her skiing and snowboarding and fishing and sitting at various family dinners, etc. when she's here. But none of her doing her normal activities.

I send DD's father pictures of her in Girl Scouts goofing off, of her shooting goals, of her at her school, at performances, etc. That way when she is on the phone with him he can say "wow, I saw you kicking the ball the other night, your technique is great" or "did you like your new pink performance skirt? It's really cute".

It helps them connect.

"I find it strange that CPs are expected not only raise children but also take pictures and send them to NCPs."

I don't "expect" anything from BM. I think it's good for kids to have both parents involved. And in this day of instant communication there is no reason a couple of pictures can't be emailed over. It takes all but a few minutes of my time every couple of weeks to shoot off a mass email to grandparents (XFIL/MIL, my parents), aunts/uncles/friends etc. with a couple of pictures and a description of what she's been doing.

And if a person is not so inclined to do that, there is always photo-sharing sites and Facebook. There are so many ways to share.

I don't expect. But I don't understand why people are so disinclined to be generous with love. By being stingy and saying, "I'm CP, so get your own darned pictures" the only person being harmed is the kid.

PO1, you make SO MANY ASSUMPTIONS and it really derails conversations because to go back and set the record straight is time consuming.

If she wants dad to replace a new picture and dad does nto mind, then the best idea is for a dad to take a picture, why waiting for mom to send any? If she didn't send any in two years, where is the indication she'll send one now? I think you know there there wass a subtle (maybe unintentional) jab at mom not sending much wanted pictures and there is no need to make such comments to a child. You said "she" needs to mail pcitures, she is how old? I doubt she can walk herself to a postoffice and actually mail pictures. If a picture is needed, then it is more appropriate to ask mom directly.

PO1, why do I get the feeling you either aren't reading my responses or are deliberatly picking a fight?

A picture isn't needed. We have tons of them. That we have taken. As I said before, she didn't want dad to replace a new picture. See above. Dad wasn't even there. YOU are making an assumption.

I'm not "waiting" for mom to do anything. And there was no subtle or unintentional jab at mom either.

SD brought us her school photo two years ago at Christmas. It was given to her father. Unframed. Wrapped. As a Christmas gift. I framed it. It is now displayed in our living room.

It's simple. If SD wants me to replace her school photo with another one for the reason that she doesn't like that photo, she needs to send me one she does like. I don't think that's unreasonable.

And walking to a post office? Really? That's ridiculous. Once again. She has her own brand-new laptop computer (that we bought her) with tons of software (that we bought her). She is perfectly capable of emailing a photo. No need for the drama of a ten year old hoofing it across town to mail her ungrateful, demanding SM a photo.

But, in the context of this thread, I would appreciate photos of SD and of DD from whomever wanted to send them to me. Even if it were from WBSM or my SM and were covered in nasty "isn't OUR girl SO precious" I would still thank them for thinking of me.

"No need for the drama of a ten year old hoofing it across town to mail her ungrateful, demanding SM a photo."

LMAO. In the snow, up hill both ways, too, right?

Silver, I see nothing wrong---particularly in this digital day and age, when kids have and understand more technology than their parents---with asking SD to send you a recent photo that she likes.

Nothing wrong at all!

Of course it's uphill both ways!! GOSH! I'd have to burn my SM card if that weren't the case :)

My point to PO1 is that I wouldn't ASK SD to send me a picture just willy-nilly, I have plenty. But I'm not going to schedule a photo shoot so that she gets a photo she likes in the living room.

Poor DD has to live with a framed picture of her little sandy buns on the beach in the dining room...lmao. I can imagine the day she becomes self conscious about that one :) (and of course, I'll put it away until the time she finds it cute again). But that's different, IMO.

The point of my little story was that we have only received one photo in the past two years. And we framed it. (Just curious, what kind of flak would I have received had I stashed that photo in a drawer rather than gone out and bought a frame and displayed it???)

I have sent out hundreds to X as well as my mother (from whom I am estranged) simply because my daughter's relationship with her is her own and our problems have nothing to do with their relationship.

LMAO. I'm the bad SM because I "want a picture" but BM is PERFECTLY within her rights to request that I CO-SIGN a low five figure loan with her. Man, I should buy a camera with all the dough I'm saving!

I don't see how BM is required to send pictures. You sent estranged relatives DD's pictures because I guess they do not see her or see her infrequently. Seems that BM sent that picture at the time when dad was not seeing SD, 2 years ago? If SD is not currently estranged from dad, then logically dad would take his own pictures of her? I doubt he sends BM his pictures of SD plus they don't seem to have good co-parenting relationship with BM. That's why no sending pictures. And since SD has limited communication with dad, she probably won't send pictures either. But I would like to know when and if she actually sends any in the future.

PO1, I'm going to be very clear here because it is obvious you are not getting what I am saying.

BM IS NOT REQUIRED TO SEND PICTURES.

1. "You sent estranged relatives DD's pictures because I guess they do not see her or see her infrequently."

Not true. "You guess" incorrectly. My dd sees my mother at least once a year, often enough to "take her own pictures", have them be current, and not "bother BM" with picture requests.

2. "Seems that BM sent that picture at the time when dad was not seeing SD, 2 years ago? "

Not true. You are making erroneous assumptions again. See that twice above I told you that SD gave us that picture. It was a Christmas gift.

3. "logically dad would take his own pictures of her?"

Yes, that's logical but your statement of such is redundant. See above where I state that we have many pictures of SD that we have taken.

4. "I doubt he sends BM his pictures of SD"

That's true. He doesn't. But he sends SD pictures of herself. Email is a great invention that allows this to happen with ease!

5. "since SD has limited communication with dad,"

There you go, making assumptions and running with them again. Did you miss the post above where I state she has a laptop purchased by us and an internet connection?

*********

OP, it just depends on the person I guess. When I was in the middle of a very bitter divorce I still sent X pictures of DD. I'm estranged from my mother but still send her pictures, and when my DD visits her (last visit was two months ago) she sends pictures back of DD's visit. Same with X-inlaws. They send pics, I send pics.

Somehow I've managed to maintain a civil relationship with various people in my life in regards to DD that is independent of personal feelings for one another.

You can't buy class. ;)

Pictures of my Skids has always been an issue BM will send us bills for school pics, dance, soccor, football when they came up. We of course paid for ALL of them and then my DH has to practicly beg for some of the pics. We are still waiting on all of those. My SD14 is in her 2nd year of Jr. High and the last school pic we have is from 6th grade.
We have had family pics done and pics of just the kids.The kids made BM a very nice scrapbook for Christmas of all the pics that we have taken and framed a beautiful pic of them from the studio.
I frame all the pics that are those kind and some of the snap shots that we take of holidays or playing in the snow, ect. My SS hunts with his dad and is very proud of those trophy pics. We send them to his mom and nerver get a reply. Same with his sports, I have a great camera and enjoy taking pics, so I take it to all the big games, and again send her some of the good ones. Some that she even ask for. Other parents take pics too and send us the ones of SS that they took. My point is she get the packets from the teachers, coaches, instructors, because she is CP we get the bill and she get the pics. I DO expect for her to give us our pics that we paid for. And I also expect a thank you for the pics that we send her.
We will not be paying for anymore pics for her. Her billing has gotten out of hand lately, she even added ink for her mothers printer to our monthly expenses bill. When questioned about, she said it was for when the kids are over there and print stuff. WTF??? That is not getting paid(sorry OT)

That's awful Jess. Your experience just highlights the fact that all CP's are not just martyrs who work so hard and demanding NCP's want them to do all the photo-work.

One thing.... my dd's school has an option to purchase online prior to picture day and then for a week or two after picture day (at least).

Maybe next year you can just go online with her student number and buy your own copy rather than wait for her to do it. I would do that but SD's school is set up different and they don't have that option :(

I think it is essential for parents to not blame each other and maintain good co-parenting relationship that benefits children. No matter what my ex did or didn't do, my child was not put in the middle and my life didn't fall apart. And if he didn't do what he should or could, I found my ways to not blame him. I don't understand the blame game, I don't think it is classy. Plus it effects children (they always know and sense negativity between parents).

Jess, your DH is clearly involved dad who sees kids a lot and spends time with them. He sends her their kids' pictures but she would not send him anything even though he asked? Not nice. Plus he pays for pictures? Hhmmm Not nice on her part. Luckily since dad sees kids a lot, he has no need to wait for mom to send him pictures.

hahah Jess, She charged you for the printer ink? LOL Crazy woman! I would be a millionaire if I charged ex for everything DD used. LOL Just nuts.

For the past 10 years I have purchased a school picture package for SD that BM has never contributed to. Every year I frame a picture for BM, BM's parents, and BM's two siblings. They are wrapped and sent with SD each year for Christmas. I also get something for SD's little sister, and usually a little something for BM and her current man as well.

NEVER ONCE HAVE I BEEN THANKED BY ANY OF THEM. But they did once complain that I didn't send her sport picture as well.

So why do I do it every year? Good stinkin' question. I guess I feel it's the right thing to do, and I feel better being the bigger person (for lack of a better word) and doing it.

Or maybe I'm just an idiot.

JNM,

SD's mom is a crazy sicko, isn't she the one who called her names? I wouldn't expect "thank you" from the crazy one. I also always sent gifts for DD's brother, grandparents, something small for my ex and SM for Christmas. But I did get thank you, ex and my ex parents-in-law also always consistently sent me gifts for holidays. But then again we are not crazy LOL Crazy people do crazy things like not saying "thank you" or being nasty to their exes or their own kids. No, you are not an idiot, just a nice person.

A bit off topic but DD's school pictures were always very bad, I mean quality was OK but she never looked like herself and no way I would frame them (plus DD refused to dress up or do hair for school pics, one year she took a picture in David Bowie shirt that she bought at his concert LOL, that's how she appeared in yearbook, but that's just DD LOL). I have never seen nice school picture of any child, they usually are very unnaturally looking. My niece dresses up and makes her hair nicely for school pics and still pictures are no good.

Our school pics have always been great. I hate paying for them bc it's just one kid and I have two so for what I spend on both to have school pics, I can go to a studio and get a package of both BUT I do purchase and have never been disappointed. Just my experience. I would never ask BD to pay for 'his portion' of photos because he pays child support and that is one of the things I put the money towards. I still share even though they are ungrateful. My brother's ex always does that. I have cheer pics but it will cost ya!! So dumb!

To parents that are that way - pay up or don't get a pic... They really need to get a life. Why would anyone be that way?

DD went out of state with BD a while ago(4yrs maybe) their First trip not with me... To see his parents. I bought DD a disposable camera to take pics of whatever, most pics were of the floor or curtains lol but some of her and BD and the grandparents. BD developed, made two copies and Gave me one set. ( this was before SM was SM)... I put them in an album. I thought they were great. DD had a blast and I got to see her happiness. I think it's a nice gesture for each parent to share photos but 1. Not to do it in an antagonizing way 2. If it's sincere and 3. I have learned not to expect anything in return but to find joy in sharing. I stopped sharing with BD because they return it and it hurts DD so I am protecting her from that but I still share with his parents bc they are grateful and 1/2 normal. Only 1/2 though. And I agree ... I don't like them but her relationship with them has nothing to do with my feelings for them or vice versa.

My dd has never taken a bad school photo. She's pretty photogenic. And she picks out her own clothes every day, so I never know what will end up on the photo. Last year it was a 'rock n roll girl' shirt and she looked super cute.

I think posed studio photos are good and all, but there's something about the 'this is what I really looked like this day at school' photos that make me smile.

My SD is a child model, so her photos are nearly always exceptional as well.

"I would never ask BD to pay for 'his portion' of photos because he pays child support and that is one of the things I put the money towards."

Myfam, exactly. I get child support, and I figure that is one of the things it pays for. I don't think that her dad should have to ask for or beg for pictures of his daughter. Regardless of how "often" he sees her or how involved he is. He pays for her general upkeep, I'm the distributor of things like pictures, A+ spelling tests, great essays and report cards.

If NCP's are paying child support, respectful toward children, and doing their part there is absolutely no reason they should have to beg for these things.

JNM, It's horrible they do not thank you. I get thank you's and it makes me more apt to send more pictures, etc. I tell DD, if you want gifts, send thank you cards for the gifts you receive. It will make people WANT to send you gifts.