I bought a rug on line once. The color was not even close when it arrived. The seller said that she would refund the purchase price-so I paid a lot to ship it back to her. I had foolishly paid for the rug by check. She kept both the rug and the money. She never did refund the money. It was one of those things in life where you learn, and just need to let it go and move on. And back to the original post, someone suggested that they are stocking those big rolled arms because people are buying them. I wonder if that is actually true. I walk through these large furniture showrooms, and there are very, very few other customers. Ever. I could count on one hand the number of customers in the large, beautiful furniture stores. I find the stores depressing. First, what I want, is never what they stock. A bed for instance. There are perhaps 4-5 in the whole store. None of which are even a remote possibility. Sofa's might be beautiful, but uncomfortable. Or decent in comfort, but have those big rolled arms. Etc. etc. Worse, A sales person moves in as soon as you walk through the store, just like a used car lot. They follow you around, and hover. They do not seem to be able to answer simple questions, such as which sofas on the floor are 8 way hand tied. Does the company on this sofa with the big rolled arms, offer other arm choices? Are any of the sleeper sofa's available in a love seat size sleeper? Each question they have to go look it up in a catalog somewhere in the deep, blue yonder, also know as the far back of the store. While I stand waiting, not sure whether to simply move on to other areas of the store to keep looking, or whether to wait by the piece he is going to try and find information on. Many sales people at the furniture stores appear to be standing around for a good part of the day, waiting for the next customer, so it might be worthwhile to use some of that time learning about what they sell, so that they become the most knowledgeable salesperson in the store, and in essence the salesperson everyone will look for and pass their name on to friends. In our area, the sales people hover near the front door, waiting for the next customer to walk through the front door. I personally find it irritating and just want to walk around and look. If I have a question, I would like to then be able to ask for a sales person. At one high end store, I managed to slip by the front group of sales people, who were talking. So far, so good. I got to the piece I wanted to look at, and a sales person approached and asked who my sales person was. I replied that I had just a few minutes to look at something, and that I did not need the sales person that had been assigned to me two days before when I had been in the store. Within seconds, I heard that sales person paged, and she was hovering within 2 minutes flat. I was so annoyed with the way they do business, where it felt just like a used car lot, where they follow you around as soon as you walk through the door. You get this person assigned to you whether you want a sales person, or not. There they are!

Thanks everyone for the well wishes. I didn't do a lot because I really couldn't between a busted finger and my other BIG bobo. We had the best weather today that we have had in a very long time so sat outside on the louge chair with dear dog, Elvira, and took an afternoon snooze in the sun. Boy, that felt good. Sometimes the simple things are the best. Clare

I love you guys!! Thank you so much for the sage advice and the virtual shoulders to lean on. Today I called my son and told him I was coming over to help him deep clean his house. I guess I left my cell phone at home, cuz DH had to text DS to get in touch with me. How liberating that was!! I worked really hard at DS's house, but he worked along side me and was wonderful company, so even tho I'm sore and tired, it was a good day. DS was VERY appreciative of me being there to help him and I liked doing it for him. I'm going to try to talk to DH tonight. He has a tendency to avoid conflict, and while I don't want conflict, I DO need him to hear me. DH has been self employed for years, just recently his business (more like a hobby income the last year or so) has just about come to a standstill. The things he makes are not a necessity item, so he's not bringing in the $$ like before. We can basically only count on my income...which is plenty for us to live comfortably on, but not where we can still live like we do and support another person. DH's income was for the fun stuff and extras for the most part. Rose...your DH sounds so much like mine. When my SS lived with us, it was horrible, too. He was much like yours and when he finally left our house for good, it was like a weight off my shoulders. But he almost tore us apart. My DH has always had a tendency to put his family ahead of me. For the most part, I dealt with it, but they've intruded into our life for the past couple years to the point where I can't take it any more. We've got an empty nest, and I want to enjoy it. We were both parents when we met, so we never had time alone together until the kids were grown. We were starting to have fun together when MIL became a pretty much every day fixture in our lives. She started backing off after I complained to DH, and it was ok, but now BIL is here. I'm just not sure of his situation. MIL said that his wife told her she does not want to reconcile. She wants to be friends with him, she loves him but is not in love...blahblah. He's holding on to the idea that they're going to reconcile. He goes over to her place at least once a week and stays there, but apparently stays on the sofa, and the other day he said he had to sleep on the floor because grandkids or something were there. Yesterday he told me he has an interview at a gym, I asked him about it and it's a fly-by-night outfit (he's a certified personal trainer) and he's been talking alot about how unhappy he is at his job (he works in retail and has a decent job w/bennies). This is his history, he's never worked at a job longer than 2 years, and he's just about past that time now, so he's ready to move on. DH said BIL is broke all the time, likely because he's giving his wife the $$, and that is again typical of him. So I'm not sure how the money thing will work. But frankly, it's not my problem!! The holiday thing...when my Dad was alive, he and my DH did not get along. My DH made every excuse in the book not to spend holidays at my parents, so to avoid the fight with him, and the tension if they were all together, I'd take the kids to my folks and he'd stay with his kid. It made me angry, but I chose the lesser of 2 evils. Later, we noticed a trend, DH would get pouty and start picking fights shortly before holidays. I finally figured it out, that he didn't want to spend time with my family and holidays always included them. His family was not nearby and when they were, they wouldn't come...they didn't want to celebrate. So once I figured out his M.O., I realized it wasn't ME, it was him...and I wouldn't let him get his way. He would pitch a fit and try to get out of events, but I'd make him participate. And what do you know, he always enjoyed himself! But I also learned that he;d bug out early, so I got used to it. He's very shy and not comfortable around people he's not really used to. I'm the opposite, I am gregarious and love to socialize. Well, this year, our DD who was married last year said she would like to host Thanksgiving at her house and have her in-laws and her family together. I am thrilled and am excited to do this with her, but as soon as DH found out (he read the email from DD) he said he was spending T'giving with his Mom. He is extremely uncomfortable about DD's in-laws, he only met them the first time at the rehearsal dinner, and barely spoke with them during the wedding weekend. So he's going to try everything he can to try to get out of going. I'm not going to say a word to him about it...I thought about trying to cajole him, but I'm going to let it be up to my kids to make him understand how disappointed they'll be if he doesn't spend time with them because he's shy and being a baby. But now, with BIL here, or at least in the proximity, he'll find every excuse, and likely his mother will want her boys over to her house. Anyway, it's just drama that I do not want to contend with, and honestly, I thought it was all over with...that DH had moved on, because every year I host a big Christmas party with lots of people and he enjoys it. It's almost like he's taken 3 giant steps back now that his brother is here every day. So the more I think about it, the more I think I need to get DH alone...sit him down and lay it out. I've already made up my mind that I WILL leave him if his mother ever has to come live with us!

Since you owe no money on your existing home, you'll get a much better rate and terms by doing a construction loan, then rolling it into a normal mortgage when the job is finished. I would HIGHLY suggest you apply for $100k. The work you're doing needs to include cost over run figures (and in one year...tell us what it cost...I bet it is at LEAST $100K). I'm doing a similar project...I'm pushing three times that figure. Yes I'm using some expensive products, but the basic GC fee was over $80K, and the plumbing and electric will total over $30K together. When your home is finished you'll have a final inspection and they'll wrap the deal into a full mortgage. They can use tax assessed value most likely (if the $100K is less than 80% of that figure) so costs will be quite low. I'm not sure which states still allow pre payment penalties (I thought most of those were gone by now) but do make sure there isn't one. Also, don't use an internet loan service. Go down to your local "big bank" (ie BofA) and a credit union if you must (I don't like them because they don't have to follow CRA) and then a local bank (state or community wide only). Compare apples to apples (same terms for the final loan, and ask what they can do with the construction portion) and compare the APR to the other APR's (not just the rate..which does not include the fees and other hidden or not hidden costs) and you'll know who has the best deal. DO NOT borrow more than 80% of the value of your home please. If you do, you'll be dealing with predatory lenders most likely. Please don't! (20 year banker begging you here).