I love you guys!! Thank you so much for the sage advice and the virtual shoulders to lean on. Today I called my son and told him I was coming over to help him deep clean his house. I guess I left my cell phone at home, cuz DH had to text DS to get in touch with me. How liberating that was!! I worked really hard at DS's house, but he worked along side me and was wonderful company, so even tho I'm sore and tired, it was a good day. DS was VERY appreciative of me being there to help him and I liked doing it for him. I'm going to try to talk to DH tonight. He has a tendency to avoid conflict, and while I don't want conflict, I DO need him to hear me. DH has been self employed for years, just recently his business (more like a hobby income the last year or so) has just about come to a standstill. The things he makes are not a necessity item, so he's not bringing in the $$ like before. We can basically only count on my income...which is plenty for us to live comfortably on, but not where we can still live like we do and support another person. DH's income was for the fun stuff and extras for the most part. Rose...your DH sounds so much like mine. When my SS lived with us, it was horrible, too. He was much like yours and when he finally left our house for good, it was like a weight off my shoulders. But he almost tore us apart. My DH has always had a tendency to put his family ahead of me. For the most part, I dealt with it, but they've intruded into our life for the past couple years to the point where I can't take it any more. We've got an empty nest, and I want to enjoy it. We were both parents when we met, so we never had time alone together until the kids were grown. We were starting to have fun together when MIL became a pretty much every day fixture in our lives. She started backing off after I complained to DH, and it was ok, but now BIL is here. I'm just not sure of his situation. MIL said that his wife told her she does not want to reconcile. She wants to be friends with him, she loves him but is not in love...blahblah. He's holding on to the idea that they're going to reconcile. He goes over to her place at least once a week and stays there, but apparently stays on the sofa, and the other day he said he had to sleep on the floor because grandkids or something were there. Yesterday he told me he has an interview at a gym, I asked him about it and it's a fly-by-night outfit (he's a certified personal trainer) and he's been talking alot about how unhappy he is at his job (he works in retail and has a decent job w/bennies). This is his history, he's never worked at a job longer than 2 years, and he's just about past that time now, so he's ready to move on. DH said BIL is broke all the time, likely because he's giving his wife the $$, and that is again typical of him. So I'm not sure how the money thing will work. But frankly, it's not my problem!! The holiday thing...when my Dad was alive, he and my DH did not get along. My DH made every excuse in the book not to spend holidays at my parents, so to avoid the fight with him, and the tension if they were all together, I'd take the kids to my folks and he'd stay with his kid. It made me angry, but I chose the lesser of 2 evils. Later, we noticed a trend, DH would get pouty and start picking fights shortly before holidays. I finally figured it out, that he didn't want to spend time with my family and holidays always included them. His family was not nearby and when they were, they wouldn't come...they didn't want to celebrate. So once I figured out his M.O., I realized it wasn't ME, it was him...and I wouldn't let him get his way. He would pitch a fit and try to get out of events, but I'd make him participate. And what do you know, he always enjoyed himself! But I also learned that he;d bug out early, so I got used to it. He's very shy and not comfortable around people he's not really used to. I'm the opposite, I am gregarious and love to socialize. Well, this year, our DD who was married last year said she would like to host Thanksgiving at her house and have her in-laws and her family together. I am thrilled and am excited to do this with her, but as soon as DH found out (he read the email from DD) he said he was spending T'giving with his Mom. He is extremely uncomfortable about DD's in-laws, he only met them the first time at the rehearsal dinner, and barely spoke with them during the wedding weekend. So he's going to try everything he can to try to get out of going. I'm not going to say a word to him about it...I thought about trying to cajole him, but I'm going to let it be up to my kids to make him understand how disappointed they'll be if he doesn't spend time with them because he's shy and being a baby. But now, with BIL here, or at least in the proximity, he'll find every excuse, and likely his mother will want her boys over to her house. Anyway, it's just drama that I do not want to contend with, and honestly, I thought it was all over with...that DH had moved on, because every year I host a big Christmas party with lots of people and he enjoys it. It's almost like he's taken 3 giant steps back now that his brother is here every day. So the more I think about it, the more I think I need to get DH alone...sit him down and lay it out. I've already made up my mind that I WILL leave him if his mother ever has to come live with us!

Wow Mary! Sounds like you've been through the ringer. I must have missed the post that you got a contract. As for the property taxes, some counties bill taxes in advance, some in arrears, some half and half. For instance, when I lived in Calgary, we had to pay our property taxes by June 30th. That covered the first half of the year (so that's paid in arrears) and the 2nd half of the year (July through Dec) in advance. Here in Tucson, property taxes are due Oct. 1 for the previous year, so most is paid in arrears. They actually give us an additional break where we can pay half the amount on October 1st and the other half in March. If you don't pay half in Oct, then you must pay the full amount by January 1st and you won't be charged any late fees. So, the reason you owe taxes is probably because your county charges in arrears. It's confusing for some people because they think when they pay for them that they're paid in advance, but most are not. Check with your county on how they assess the property taxes in terms of payment, advance/arrears.

I feel ya! My 17 year old son hasn't gotten anything from his dad for holidays, birthdays, anything for years now. I also see pictures of her kids and grandkids with mounds of gifts. This year he moved to Florida so he can't even send a ticket to have my son come for a visit. I also have an issue though that my step son goes to his mothers and comes home with seriously extravagant gifts. She's a disney mom so this is ALL she does. She doesn't (we are custodial) pay for anything else, just $56 in support a week. Like this year she's getting him a northface jacket and an ipad. Must be nice!! Since I'm paying for the rest of his life, I can't afford to get my kids these things and spend that much on him. He's not going to be there with us for Christmas so I'd like to go ahead and get my kids the ipad and still get him gifts (nice gifts just not ipad price)..... I just don't think it's fair that he's coming home with these things and going to school flaunting that he has them and his brothers don't get to. I'm all for equal but sometimes I just want to spend a little more for my boys whose fathers' don't spend a dime on them at Christmas... being that I'm their everything.

I love it! You don't need everything in your kitchen to be a star. Subtle is good. I think the granite is very pretty and once you put your cooktop in, it will take away that big contrast area as well as draw your eye away from the seam. I was really unhappy about them putting a seam right in front of my sink because to me it was such a visible area. But now it is such a non issue that I just ran in to the kitchen to see if it is actually there. One thing I did learn in decorating: underwhelmed is better than overwhelmed. I bought a real fancy backsplash with the help of a friend and the store "decorator". Brought home a few pieces of it for a mock up and hated it. I ended up with plain old cheap subway tile and love it. It is the perfect backdrop for my "stuff", and I have more flexibility in other things - wall color, towels, appliances, etc. Your kitchen is beautiful, enjoy it. .