This is one I did (in counted cross-stitch) for my MIL several years ago. To His Mother "Mother-in-law" they say, and yet, Somehow I simply can't forget 'Twas you who watched his baby ways, Who taught him his first hymn of praise, Who smiled on him with loving pride, When he first toddled by your side. "Mother-in-law" but oh, 'twas you Who taught him to be kind and true; When he was tired, almost asleep, 'Twas to your arms he used to creep. And when he bruised his tiny knee, 'Twas you who kissed it tenderly. "Mother-in-law" they say,and yet, Somehow I never shall forget How much I owe To you, who taught him how to grow. You trained your son to look above; You made of him the man I love. And so I think of that today When with thankful heart I'll say, "Our Mother."

We just got ANOTHER one like this! A postcard this time. [Note: I am CHANGING the date, names, and location, to protect their privacy -- i.e., NOT Zachary and Lauren, NOT Napa/Carmel, and obviously not August 32.] The front says, SAVE THE DATE August 32, 2008 and it has 2 pictures of the couple, but both small; you can only, barely, recognize faces in one. The reverse says: Mark your calendar for a Napa Valley wedding! Please view our website for more wedding/hotel details: [URL of web site] Ww hope you can join us and we can't wait to see you in beautiful Napa!!! Love, Lauren and Zachary My husband had NO clue, and he found it annoying. I figured it out, because I had heard that my cousin "Zachary" is engaged. He is much younger (my first cousin's son), and lives far away, so I haven't seen him in several years, when he was much younger; I'm not sure I would have recognized him from the tiny picture. neesie writes, "If you can't recognize the couple by their first names, are you really close enough to "save the date" and invest in celebrating their happy occaision?" Maybe that's true if their names are Cuthbert and Thusnelda. But, as I wrote earlier, even if they are very close, if their names are common, you may well know more than one person by that name. And remember too that many invitees are closer to the PARENTS than to the couple, so even less common names may not ring a bell. If I get a save the date or a shower invitation for "Rachel," I may be baffled, because I know a lot of Rachels and a lot of people who have daughters named Rachel -- and when you consider that I may not know Rachel at ALL, but I know her FIANCE'S family very well (I might even be related) -- well, it's hopeless, even if her name is Thusnelda! The point is, it isn't just people that you "barely know" that confuse you when they don't put last names ANYWHERE on the save-the-date or invitation. (And this one didn't even have a return address, so no clue there.) So I think it's a mistake to do it.

Unity Candle ceremony: Personalized pillar candle and individual personalized tapers and gave each child a personalized taper. The ceremony was actually a Family Unity Ceremony. All children write a congratulation and thank you note to the bride and groom. Once the Unity Candle was lit, take turns lighting their tapers from the pillar and in unison, recited the following: "As I light my candle from the Unity Candle, I feel the warmth, love and excitement of my new, larger family. Thank you(BRIDE'S NAME or MOM or MOTHER) and (GROOM'S NAME or DAD or FATHER) for having given me an extended family to love and be loved by. Congratulations! I love you! Groom: "(childrens names), I want you to know that I dearly love your mother. We have become very good friends over the weeks and months and we have learned to love each other. As you have so graciously shared this wonderful woman with me, so will I share the love I feel for her with you. Together, we will learn much more about each other. I promise also to be fair and to be honest, to be available for you as I am for your mom, and in due time, to earn your love, respect and true friendship. I will not attempt to replace anyone, but to make a place in your hearts that is for me alone. I will be father and friend, and I will cherish my life with all of you. On this day when I marry your mom, I marry you, and I promise to love and support you as my own." Bride: "(childrenÂs names), I want you to know that I dearly love your father. We have become very good friends over the weeks and months and we have learned to love each other. As you have so graciously shared this wonderful man with me, so will I share the love I feel for him with both of you. Together, we will learn much more about each other. I promise also to be fair and to be honest, to be available for you as I am for your dad, and in due time, to earn your love, respect and true friendship. I will not attempt to replace anyone, but to make a place in your hearts that is for me alone. I will be mother and friend, and I will cherish my life with both of you. On this day when I marry your dad, I marry you, and I promise to love and support you as my own." The bride and groomÂs children then responded to the following vows when read by the pastor: (ChildrenÂs names), do you promise to love your mother and her new husband? Children respond: "I do." Do you promise to support their marriage and your new family? Children respond: "I do." Do you promise to accept the responsibility of being their children, and to encourage them, support them, and accept them just as our heavenly Father accepts us? Children respond: "I do." (Children names), do you promise to love your father and his new wife? Children respond: "I do." Do you promise to support their marriage and your new family? Children respond: "I do." Do you promise to accept the responsibility of being their children, and to encourage them, support them, and accept them just as our heavenly Father accepts us? Children respond: "I do." Today is the wedding Of more than just two. We're blending our families With love that is true. Today marks the birth Of a new family: One that is special For all here to see Today's a Day of Love Not Just for Us by Nicholas Gordon. Today's a day of love not just for us, But for all of those who brought us here. So please excuse us if we make a fuss Over you, the ones we hold most dear. In you we see the love we replicate By joining on this day our separate lives. Our choice was neither accident nor fate, But homage to good husbands and sweet wives. We hope to make a family just like yours, And be to our children parents much like you. You have been to us wide-open doors Onto a serene and peaceful view. We look to you with gratitude and pride. What joy this day to have you at our side!

Since your family is from a different culture, I suspect you will be given wide lattitute and not be expected to behave as if you were Japanese. I would suggest reading up on Japanese customs and wedding traditions so you know what they are -- but not necessarily trying to follow all of them. Ask your DIL-to-be and her mother for advice, and defer to as much of it as you comfortably can, diplomatically explaining your reasons for those customs you can not embrace. For example, the offer to rent kimono is generous and kind, but there are many traditions that go along with wearing kimono, and you may inadvertently do something offensive or foolish that would not stand out or offend if you were dressed in Western dress. Obscure (to Americans) things like wrapping right over left or the proper number of layers of undergarments. Also, you both would probably need to be 'professionally dressed' for the event, which may be uncomfortable for you. Giving money as a wedding gift is a widespread tradition among Asian (and many other) cultures, and one you should probably not try to erradicate. You don't need to participate, as presumably, your cultural traditions will be given similar respect. You might also ask to include a select few American traditions -- perhaps throwing rice, stomping a wine glass or tossing a bouquet? Maybe mention the possibility to the bride, explain the reasons for the tradition -- but be prepared to acquiesse graciously if they're not particularly important to you. As for your expected financial contribution, if you can't find the information online, perhaps the Japanese Studies department at a university could help you. Or a library? Or a friend of Japanese descent? Or ask your son to ask the bride to be. Some direct questions can be embarassing, but surely far less so than doing the wrong thing. Your FDIL will want you to make a good impression on her parents, and should be willing to be "uncomfortably frank" to make this happen. Gift-giving is a very important ritual in Japan, and the gifts to and from the wedding couple would be, I imagine, rather MORE important than most other types of gifts. If there's one area where I'd be especially reluctant to break with Japanese tradition, this would probably be it. Get the 'low down' from your FDIL and her parents and explain to the American guests how it works so they will know what to expect and also not feel/appear foolish and ill-bred.