Well, I do think the bride and groom are going up to camp for a few days before the wedding. But when the relatives arrive, they will be staying in the hotel with everyone. Both of our sons will share a room; our younger son is best man. The bride will share a room with her sister, who will be matron of honor. They had a favorite, very popular double campsite in Big Sur that they really wanted, but they needed 2 adjoining ones to accommodate the expected 50 guests, and they could only get one. (The whole family was online registering for those 2 sites the minute they opened them for reservations.) However, they had already put money down to hold their alternate site which is also beautiful. We will use it; it has gorgeous big redwoods and views of the river, I think. I wanted to discourage them from camping that week, picturing a bride full of mosquito bites and a dress crushed into their car and tent with all the equipment they would need, but they have it all figured out and this is what they want. We want them to be happy. (My brother is driving up, so we have enlisted their help in transporting the wedding dress to avoid their cramming it into the car with their camping gear.) The rehearsal dinner is also at a camp site, and the local camp vendor is going to cater it. I assume hamburgers or BBQ chicken. We will all arrive just in time to get to the rehearsal dinner as it is quite a trek to get there, even by plane. No one lives locally, which would have been a big help. The bride and her mother and our son are planning the locales, decorations, menu and everything. We are paying the bill. Hopefully, this will be the wedding of our bride's dreams. The reception is at their favorite restaurant in Big Sur.

Penny's poem is wonderful. The following is a poem I put in front of my son's album I put together for his HS graduation Love, MomÂby Linda Ellis There is so much IÂve tried to teach you in these years that you have grown, and so much more I cannot show you that you will learn all on your own. ItÂs been said that lifeÂs a dance that you learn more day by day... so I want to share some of the steps that IÂve picked up along the way... The first piece of advice IÂll give you is the most important thing IÂve learned; you shouldnÂt take things too seriously as each page of your life is turned. Learn to laugh at yourself, and enjoy the laughter of your friends. Find humor in things that offend you to ensure that laughter never ends. Do not believe in first impressions, for things arenÂt always as they seem. Sometimes the very smallest player is the best one on the team. Always do what you feel is right; to your own self, you must be true. Remember you have to live with tomorrow whatever today, you choose to do. Always be ready and willing to lend a hand where help is needed. Try to remember to treat other people as you, yourself, would like to be treated. Continue to further your education although lifeÂs lessons never cease... Knowledge provides independence. Independence will provide you with peace. Always plan a route to your destination, but donÂt be afraid to go off course. Sometimes lifeÂs surprises are gradual; sometimes they come with powerful force. Learn to humbly accept lifeÂs changes and know that nothing stays the same. Accept responsibility for your actions, and donÂt be reluctant to take the blame. Do your best not to criticize others; we all have failings and faults that occur because no one has been born to perfection, though youÂll meet those who think they were. And you are never too old for manners, so always remember to include the "pleases" and the "thank yous" that help express your gratitude. Have understanding for those less fortunate; find ways to help and do your part. Stay focused on the compassion that youÂll find deep within your heart DonÂt get so busy and hurried that, with little things, youÂre disenchanted. Take time to count your blessings, and do not take them all for granted. Cherish and respect your elders. Listen to stories from where they came and make them proud that you are one who carries their family name And stay close to your family; donÂt let time or distance come between, responsibilities create separations that very seldom are foreseen. Thank veterans and be proud of your country. They are the reason you live unafraid. The freedoms and rights that you possess are from the sacrifices they made. Give 100% of your efforts, to whatever task you do each day. Working hard will get you ahead... but still make time to rest and play. Be careful what...

I would like a wedding coordinators opinion - is the following in bad taste? or am I too sensitive..my son was married a couple of months ago, i was seated in the back table at the reception, by the kitchen, and prevented from being in the photos. When I asked the wedding planner about pictures with the grooms family and the mother of the groom she said, not on the schedule! I was stunned. The night before he told me I was the best mother in the world, of course I had just deposited $10,000.00 in his account. A month before the wedding the bride sent me the dress she wanted me to wear, she got it for $50.00 off Amazon, she wore a $10,000.00 Vera Wang that my son bought for her. Now there are hundreds of pics online with her family - not one of me.. They re indignant that I dare feel bad because I was seated in the back and didn't get my picture taken, They tell me that it was THEIR day and I should just keep my mouth shut..I didn't see it coming, although the bride said before the wedding that she thought me, a single mother, and my sons were too close..well, she's just done a great job of breaking that up. I feel completely shutout and it hs been devastating.. This post was edited by Serenitynot on Sat, Jan 26, 13 at 23:05

Since your family is from a different culture, I suspect you will be given wide lattitute and not be expected to behave as if you were Japanese. I would suggest reading up on Japanese customs and wedding traditions so you know what they are -- but not necessarily trying to follow all of them. Ask your DIL-to-be and her mother for advice, and defer to as much of it as you comfortably can, diplomatically explaining your reasons for those customs you can not embrace. For example, the offer to rent kimono is generous and kind, but there are many traditions that go along with wearing kimono, and you may inadvertently do something offensive or foolish that would not stand out or offend if you were dressed in Western dress. Obscure (to Americans) things like wrapping right over left or the proper number of layers of undergarments. Also, you both would probably need to be 'professionally dressed' for the event, which may be uncomfortable for you. Giving money as a wedding gift is a widespread tradition among Asian (and many other) cultures, and one you should probably not try to erradicate. You don't need to participate, as presumably, your cultural traditions will be given similar respect. You might also ask to include a select few American traditions -- perhaps throwing rice, stomping a wine glass or tossing a bouquet? Maybe mention the possibility to the bride, explain the reasons for the tradition -- but be prepared to acquiesse graciously if they're not particularly important to you. As for your expected financial contribution, if you can't find the information online, perhaps the Japanese Studies department at a university could help you. Or a library? Or a friend of Japanese descent? Or ask your son to ask the bride to be. Some direct questions can be embarassing, but surely far less so than doing the wrong thing. Your FDIL will want you to make a good impression on her parents, and should be willing to be "uncomfortably frank" to make this happen. Gift-giving is a very important ritual in Japan, and the gifts to and from the wedding couple would be, I imagine, rather MORE important than most other types of gifts. If there's one area where I'd be especially reluctant to break with Japanese tradition, this would probably be it. Get the 'low down' from your FDIL and her parents and explain to the American guests how it works so they will know what to expect and also not feel/appear foolish and ill-bred.