I missed this if you started it on the other side. I miss my dad a lot, and especially this past week with dd's wedding. I miss my fil too, though he's still with us physically. Both of them were so supportive and had so much common sense.

Hi, Marti...so sorry about your dad. I know what you mean about your fil. It's so sad to see them slowly slip away.

There's a lot to be said for common sense! So many people don't seem to show much, these days. Maybe that will change, as people start depending on one another more, just to get through the next few years.

On a brighter note...how was you dd's wedding? Did you enjoy it? I bet she looked beautiful! :)

I usually only lurk on this forum, but this is timely for me. I've been missing my Mom, who died this past December. Since she is gone, I'm having to redefine relationships with my father and sister. Without Mom in the picture, everything shifts a little or sometimes a lot. Also, my Dad recently told us that he will eventually sell his home--my childhood home-- and move into a community for seniors. Objectively, I know this will be a good situation for him, but it's a lot of change for me to come to terms with.

While we were on vacation, my aunt passed away unexpectedly. As luck would have it, we were on our way to her part of the country anyway, so we were able to attend her service, and see family members we hadn't seen in years. It was a lovely service and gathering afterward- I think we sent her out in style!

My aunt was the family artist, and as a child, I was inspired by her in cooking and music, two hobbies which I still enjoy to this day.

My dad died this past spring. He had Alzheimer's Dementia and was not himself. He did not talk much in his last few years. He could recognize people much of the time, but just did not hold conversations. He was also on hemodialysis for kidney failure. He was quite frail. Dad's skin could tear if you simply tried to move his arm or lift his leg. It was past his time to go, and most of us knew that. I talked to his wife a couple days ago and she seems better. She is able to do things and make decisions again.

For me, it has been a strange death. He quit being my father when he completely handed our household over to his second wife. He stopped our special times together after school doing a motor paper route - his wife took over what was once an every-third-week treat for me and my brother and sister. He ignored us. Everything about our home life changed - even what we called the rooms of the house! I distinctly remember her answer when I suggested a Christmas present to consider for my older sister: "She moved out (and went to the big city to live with our mother after graduating from high school) and is no longer part of this family. She won't be getting a Christmas present." Little jabs of cruelty aimed at us and outright violence aimed at her own daughter had me out of that house before the year was up.

When you have had to call Protective Services on your dad and his wife, it makes mourning his death twenty years later a bit complicated. But with him gone, there is no chance to ever reach an understanding that includes his point of view. I know from what he said in the past that he minimized the pathology of his wife. I guess he has such a big heart that he forgave her over and over again.

How that helps their addicted son today, I have no idea.

My daddy has been gone a long, long time. My father died this spring.

Funny, not haha, that this thread is right here, right now. We haven't lost my father-in-law yet, but he is in a coma and we are holding round the clock vigils as he is being given "no heroic measures". And as I sit there and hold his hand or rub his shoulder, I've been remembering better times with him. Since I met him & my mother-in-law 38 years ago, and in the years since, I am struck by their upbeat attitudes, their faith, and their total contentment in their lives. A direct opposite to my life as I seem to always think life will be better and I will be content as soon as I have _____.

But soon after father-in-law began slipping a few years ago and they moved here, I noticed a change in mother-in-law. She is no longer content with where she is, or what she has, and a lot of that it totally understandable. She didn't want to give up her home and move here, but she couldn't cope with fil all day by herself. But she is also not confident, not able to make decisions, won't drive except in her little circle, and generally speaking, she is a rudderless boat in the ocean.

I've come to the conclusion that it was fil's strength, his humor, and his complete common sense that held her up. We're all going to miss him, especially mil. But we've also been missing him for awhile now.

BTW, if you EVER have a loved one in a nursing home, invest in a hidden camera FIRST THING. It wasn't abuse in fil's case, but neglect, and the aid who left fil standing alone in the bathroom, and the nurse over her are denying everything, including fil's roommate who saw it all and is mentally with it.

LL, I just noticed your question about the wedding. It was good. Different, but good. My daughter was radiant and so very happy and that's all that mattered. Life has gotten back to normal for them, and right now dd is on an aircraft carrier somewhere in the Atlantic.

Ironic that we married at the beginning of June and dh's granddad died in Sept. Dd married the end of May and now her granddad will be gone in Sept.