wow! Thermometer... I think that really hit me...seriously..I don't want to lose my family... guys are guys...and they'll come and go right? But your family is yours forever and you'll only have one. ehart1218, I can only guess that you are a very young woman. People naturally become offended when their age comes into question, but I don't say it to offend or belittle you at all. I say it because it is apparent you do not yet possess the wisdom that the benefit of time and experience begets. Like your parents, I am trying very hard to get you to open your eyes but fear I am failing miserably. Your situation is not a battle between your family and your man. You keep turning it into that, but this is not about choosing one over the other. It's not about the importance of family or anything of the sort. It's about what your parents are saying that you have to open your eyes to see and analyze. Talk to your parents calmly and with an open mind. Ask them what it is they object to about your fiance. Examine each individual complaint. Ask them why they make the complaints. As they enumerate their grievances, ask them "What's wrong with that?" with each one. You will be giving your parents the opportunity to school you. Please don't be so grown to think you know everything or that your parents have nothing left to teach you. Analyze and work through everything they say without becoming angry. They can show how a woman should be treated by her boyfriend/husband, or at least how she should not be treated and what she should not tolerate. You will be giving them the chance to explain, incident by incident, what he did/said that was embarrassing and disrespectul to you, or when they were embarrassed on your behalf because you didn't know to be offended at the time. Most parents don't think to school their daughters in this manner while they are teenagers. Don't fault your parents because no one ever thinks to do it. If more parents did, then there'd be far fewer women in abusive relationships and putting up with their husband's disrespect. Your parents are not trying to make things bad for you. They understand the natural course of life, and that you will one day marry and have children. They are very much looking forward to it. They just don't want you to make bad choices in life and can see this will be a very bad one. That is what I meant when I said they can see your future. You met this guy and fell in love with him. Perhaps he is very good looking. Perhaps he has a good education and a good job. I'm sure he has many good attributes in his favor. Your parents fell in love with all those qualities too.....at first. But then, as I said, the benefit of time - as all things are revealed in due time - and the benefit of acquaintance - as you spend time with a person, you get to see them for what they really are - brought them back down to reality. In the beginning, they thought their daughter had quite a catch of a guy, but he has shown them a very different side of himself. Trust your parent's wisdom, and trust they only want the best for you. Also, go through the pages on this forum and read a bunch of the posts. You will find on these pages the exact same complaints your parents have....the exact same mistakes most of these women have made....the exact same mistakes your parents are trying to prevent you from making. Mom and dad are trying to fortify you. They're trying to make sure you have the self-estemm and self-worth that a woman should hold for herself. The kind of worth a woman possesses that helps her recognize when she is being treated badly. Understand something else, please. You met this guy, and he did and said all the things you liked hearing. He gave you some attention. He brought you into his world and made you like it. It could have been someone else and can still be someone else. Someone who loves and cares for you in the way that you deserve.

Wow! My sympathies to you. What a mess. Listen, you are taking on too much responsibility for your sister's behavior and her relationship with Mom. I don't think there is any "diplomatic way to discuss this" with her, because there isn't a thing you could say to her that she would hear. She has made up her mind to try to hide her mom and excuses her cruelty because it is Her Wedding -- believe me, you can't fight that kind of tsunami, and it isn't your responsibility to do it. She will ruin or strenghthen her family relationships as she will, and if you try to interfere, no matter how good your intentions, everyone will end up mad at YOU. It just always seems to happen. It's really hard to stay out of it, but it's worth it. Instead, I would focus on what you can do directly to help your MOM feel better. I know you will be busy, but maybe you can keep your eyes open for opportunities to drive her, spend time with her, keep her up to date on fun things about the wedding (if that would make her feel good, not bad), etc. I would definitely stay away from language like "zealot," "anorexic," "plastic surgery addict," etc. The last thing your family needs is more drama and bile. Good luck to all of you.

lonepiper its fine... its just that when KKNY and TOS get involved in a post it always goes back to children of divorce should be coddled for the rest of their lives and they are not held accountable for any of their actions its always the adult's fault never the child's fault. officer pulls you over ... You get out of the car "playfully swat" him on the shoulder and say hey buddy F U ... what is that officer going to do? Is he going to perceive it as "friendly behavior" or his he going to place you under arrest for assault? and disorderly conduct? Child forgets homework... teacher says you are going to stay after school for not doing your homework... child says "you can't tell me what to do ... you're not my mother!!" then "playfully swats" teacher on the shoulder what happens to that child? Children should be treated like children and taught be respectful of all adults within reason... they should be told that you can tell a stranger to go pound tar. Anyone who touches them in bathing suit area needs to be disrespected and they need to tell an adult. They need to be taught to be afraid of strangers and be on the look out for molesters ... they should be taught how to become decent adults... they cannot swear at you hit you or other wise disrepect you Yes respect is fear ... fear of the unknown... Everyone one has said ... I would never do "that" my mother would kill me!!! would your mom really kill you NO but you were never really sure. Babies momma = saint hood. Babies daddy = trust fund.

Lucy, Sylvia is exactly right..FDHs son is probably embarrassed, and angry if he was disiplined for what he did with the fist raising, but what are your expectations when you marry, FSS has to visit his dad at grandmas ? He will have to come to your home eventually, FDH needs to mend these fences between you and your sons and his son, not run off to grandmas...Also does FDH want Ex at the family functions? Why doesnt he tell her, stopping in is OK, but dont wear out your welcome, this is MY family, not yours... I have stopped at Exs family wakes usually before the home opens, to drop a card and sign the book, that way they know I cared enough to come, but didnt stick around to cause drama...I have had major problems with DH s ex coming to funerals, geez, I thought she d outlast the grieving spouse, as far as her staying power. DH and I just ignore her. But as far as sons needing support, DH was in the hospital, FSDIL asked if I called Ex to come, I was incredulous!!!!DH didnt want her there, but she was more than welcome to sit in the parking lot and give them hugs every half hour or so, if she chose to...Good luck with thse beauties, I feel your pain....