Carrie - LOL - that's surely the truth! I started reading those sites awhile back, and find them humorous at best. A friend and I recently agreed to disagree re singles sites. Some of the funnier ones for me:

photos with the ex - better yet - his wedding photo
That will surely give hope to a prospective mate and say "happily ever after"!

I like the ones that say "I'm a romantic guy who likes moon-lit walks and sunsets, cuddling by the fire, etc. and I am great in bed"! LOL If you have to tell someone you are great in bed, you probably aren't. Once you meet, actions will speak louder than words.

Here is another fave of mine: WCMHWPISOPWF - No strings attached! There are no relationships with 'no strings attached' - they all have SOME sort of strings. We gals can find a casual physical relationship without ever lifting a finger to a keyboard. Besides, who wants to try and figure out what all those letters mean? LOL

If I need a good laugh, I can go to these sites and hoot it up. I know I would be hauled away in a white mummy coat if anyone could see me, sitting there, reading those ads and LMAO, but I do it occasionally!

Those are good ones kayjones!

I'm not ready to let this thread roll into oblivion yet, so here are a few more.

Those wedding photos are pretty ridiculous. What are they thinking? Or ones that have manicured fingertips around the shoulder and a wisp of long blond hair flowing next to him, where he made some feeble attempt to crop her out of the picture. Now, is there NO WAY you can get a picture of just you? Even the ones that have a disclaimer like "the woman in the picture is my sister/best friend etc" are annoying.

What's up with the "long walks, romantic dinners, cuddling by the fire". If a man can't be more original than that, forget it. And guys that say they are way into sports. Oh, great, so I can expect you to be sitting on the couch watching football every Sunday. Woohoo!

Also, the guys that say they didn't post their picture because A. they don't have one - it is not that hard to get a picture, if finding a mate is worth so little effort to you... B. they "want you to get to know me for who I am, not what I look like - you won't be dissappointed." Oh. Come on. First of all, what you look like IS part of who you are. Physical attraction is (hopefully) a part of being in a relationship. And how do you know I won't be dissappointed. Just because some (or even most) women consider you attractive, doesn't mean that I will. Or, C. "I'll send you a photo if you request one/send yours to me first". Why? Why not just put it up there? Are you embarrassed of the way you look? Afraid that someone you know will see your face up there? Give me a break.

Also, guys that start their personals off by saying "I can't believe I'm doing this", "you'll have to be willing to lie about how we met", and "I never thought it would come to me doing Online personals". If you are embarrassed about trying to meet someone this way, why do it? And if you're embarrassed, does that mean I should be to? Oh, and you want me to lie about how we met? Oh great. So you're a liar who is looking for a kindred spirit. Oh yum. I think I'll get right in touch with you!

"Walks along the beach, snuggling up in front of an open fire, candlelit dinners" really get to me. Like, this is something you do all the time?? The nearest beach is probably a 3-hour drive away, I haven't seen an open fire in decades, and who cooks the candlelit dinner?

Then there's "I like fishing, camping, 4-wheel driving" and when you ask when they did it last, it's 30 years or more ago. Same with "dancing" - they learned it as a teenager and now they're 50 plus, and it really means they like shuffling around on the one spot on a dance floor, not 'real' dancing at all!

I avoid anyone who says they're "50-plus but look and act 30". That means they need glasses, and they haven't grown up yet. Likewise I avoid men who advertise themselves as 'fit and active'. I always read that to mean "I might be old but I have only one foot in the grave". It sometimes means "all parts in working order - some of the time".

Likewise I avoid "I want somebody with no baggage". They want someone who hasn't had a Life for 50 years or more??

Then there's the classic "I don't really know what I want, but I'll know it when I find it". A man who has got to 50 and still doesn't know what he wants or where he's going isn't likely to of much use to any woman, I reckon!

It's a bit like buying real estate. You know, the 'old-time cottage which needs a loving touch, close to transport' - means a tumbledown shack straddling a railway line or fronting a 6-lane highway.

LOL both you ladies are funny BUT correct. That's what tickles me so and why I keep reading those ads. Here are a few more I have chucked over:

Always dominate - have lots of bondage equipment. (fine - tie me up so I don't have to cook dinner!)
No fat on me - you can find my genitals right up front (where else might I find them!)
My blow-up doll just doesn't work for me any more ( What, you made her disgusted too!)
Wanted - female willing to be stepped on by my boots - house cleaning in exchange for play sessions, must like submission and pain (where do I apply!)
I am a controlling and exacting male looking for a damsel in distress - I am accepting applications now (Oh, let me be first!)

I tried doing the online personals way back in the early days of my breakup....I wasn't impressed with them at the time...the thing about the internet is that someone can say anything about themselves and you don't really know...I could type in google and take anyones picture and send it to someone saying that it is me...I'm not a brain surgeon, but I play one on the internet :)

Anyone who wants a "discreet relationship" red flags themselves as otherwise involved. No thanks.

Men who can't spell! Please! If you can't spell you should know it by the time you are age appropriate for me and have learned to use Spellcheck. Put some effort into it!

Seeing the same man in numerous personals sites. Seems like he might be spreading himself a bit thin.

Seeing the same face with different user names. Huh? Identity crisis?

Men in tuxes. Surely this is not your daily attire.

Sexually suggestive screen names.

Photos with hats on. Okay, I KNOW you're hiding a comb-over! Bald is fine. Pretending you aren't is just silly.

I confess I have never contacted anyone. But I have looked the ads over from time to time. It's entertaining!

But I have terrible taste in men! I am drawn to the edgy, creative types! I married what looked like a nice, steady, stable, conservative guy who screwed with my life in spite of all my best efforts!

E

There is one very successful online forum here in Iceland, where people can advertise for anything ranging from friendship to casual sex. I like to browse through the ads for fun and here are some random examples of things that get my goat:

"I'm a fun guy who wants to chat with fun people". How does he know he's fun?

"yeeee-haw! Hello girls, me and my pony are waiting to meet some imaginative and cool cowgirls! yeah, Im a poor, lonesome cowboy, a long way from [a tiny place no-on ever heard of]"
This from a guy who is looking for chat and friendship.

Here's a stereotypical one (slightly edited):
"...looking for a good-looking woman to have an enjoyable evening with. I'm financially independent, have a good job, handsome and have a great body. Am interested in sports, the outdoors, books, music and cooking. "
Hey, Mr. Perfect! Is it basketball or dressage, hiking or sunbathing, romance or horror, Metallica or Beethoven, my cooking or yours, that you like?
This is the part that really annoys me: "I've given up looking for the right girl in bars and nightclubs so here I am, looking for love. " Hang on, you're handsome and rich - and you haven't been able to nail anyone in a bar? Do you have bad breath or are you an alcoholic?

It also bothers me that in a nation where over 50% of the population is mousy-haired, 90% of the women appear to be blondes, and the same percentage of men appear to have black hair.

WELCOME Netla - bring reinforcements - I think we can ressurect this board! Your post is delightful - if you think of other ads, please post them.

Yes, Netla, welcome! It's especially interesting to hear from people from other cultures and countries! Incidentally, both my little brother and a man I'm dating spent time hiking in Iceland - and both fell in love with the beauty of the country!

Now, to respond to something browntoes said:

Seeing the same man in numerous personals sites. Seems like he might be spreading himself a bit thin.

Here's one I disagree with. I am signed up on several sites, and have gone out on dates with men from a couple of them. I would not have had the chance to meet some of these nice, interesting guys had I not been signed up on more than one site. Perhaps the "man of my future" will be on the second site I signed up on, or a third. Chances are, we would not criticize someone for taking more that one cooking class, or going to a different restaurant every weekend. I think signing up for more than one site is a good way to broaden the pool - it is a numbers game - and the more men I meet, the more likely I am to meet one that meets my needs.

The rest, browntoes, I agree with you 100% on.

LOL! So nice to see the gals side of the net ads.

I tried some ads for a time. Long late nights sitting at the computer attempting to put together some sort of ad that would convey my inner beauty. I wrote short fun ads, long sensitive ads, ads looking for a relationship and ads just looking for a good time. I got a couple responses from women with terminal cancer... LOL am I supposed to send money or what? Didn't know the rate of terminal cancer was so high in single women. Shorty after I began posting ads my e-mail box began to get "want to meet you" mail begging me to follow a link and pay money... those Russian gals all love me!

One night in frustration I wrote an ugly ad about just getting out of prison and living in my mother's trailer. I went on about a woman not getting uppity and cleaning and cooking things right the first time. Promised to quit drinking and never hit a woman again. Yeah, I got several replies... some from women that seemed genuinely interested!

Worst ad I ever saw from a woman she held her tiny baby at arms length in front of the camera and demanded "love me love my baby". Was she looking for a pedophile?

Enjoy boating! Do you really want to spend the weekend riding around on the water? Does this mean you own a boat?

Successful? What does that mean? Oops!.. sorry I'm a loser.

Probably never doing another ad.

: )
michael

Sometimes I laugh at the computer screen at some of the ads!

My favorite: I enjoy NASCAR, hunting, fishing, and being alone. (Well, it's good that you enjoy being alone because it doesn't sound like there's room for a WOMAN in your life!) Har!

The one that turns me off is the 60 yr. old guy who wants a woman 25 to 35 and states that she must have a good figure. I have seen that numerous times in the personal adds in the local newspaper.

I've seen that too! I'd think a response from most any woman that much younger ought to be considered--even if she has less than a good figure!

And the ones where they say they are in search of pretty much any female, any age, any color, any anything! Can you say DESPERATION?

Do you suppose young ladies really respond to the ads of men many years their senior?

You guys are so right about those ads. I even saw some where they men where still married , but wanted to have some fun.These old geezers all want young girls. They all want Barbydolls. I have news for those men, most real woman do not look like a Barbydoll!!! I'm a widow 60 yrs. old, a little overweight( earned every pound of it)I would feel kind of stupid to advertise for a 25-30 year old Greek God.
Trudy

Oh, Mskeet, aren't those ads by married men so common?! Shame on them. But I don't know that the older ones are alone in wanting Barbie to reply. I think the majority of men *any* age hope she will.

Picture this ad by a woman, which I am making up: "Self-made woman, 50s, losing hair and carrying a few extra pounds. Looking for attractive, fit, nonsmoking man aged 18 to 35 for good times and ???? Please send picture."

I wonder what men would think if they read an ad like that? Any guys out there care to enlighten us?

LOL Marilou!

Seems to me that bagging a woman 10 to 13-years younger makes men the happiest, ego-wise. When asked why he likes younger women, I heard a 50-ish man say "No cellulite." We gotta face it girls, men like youth and beauty in their women.

Well, after reconsideration, I've gone and signed up on a couple sites...and have been contacted by a few, very few men. I am e-mailing back and forth one guy and sent him my picture...I wonder if I'll ever hear from him again-LOL!

Some of the ads are hilarious: old men with beer bellies and double chins stating that their body type is: athletic or average and that they are looking for a slender, well-toned woman????

Also just skip over the 40 year olds looking for someone 18-30.

Contacted one guy and the second e-mail he asked me for a picture and told me, he hoped I had a big chest and that they made him 'melt'. Oh, well...sorry to disappoint him.

Another one is the 40+ years olds who live with their parents.

Pictures of guys in their 40s posting pictures that were taken back in high school...too funny.

Pictures of guys with their shirts off...like they're some stud muffin or something....or laying on a bed.

Guys who are into body piercing....

They are amusing, and frustrating and offensive and annoying and disheartening too. Nevertheless, I maintain that online dating is worth the effort. I met my boyfriend Online in November, and we're still going strong!

Hi Carrie!!....nice to see you as still alive...heh

Glad to see that it's working out and I assumed it was since we hadn't heard from you in ages

i think of my side personals link in relationship not bad for online dating is good idea to pik our relation and make a healthily & honesty command in both us.
------------------
tribhuvan

i don't do the online thing but saw this in our local paper. i thought it was so funny i stuck it on the fridge.

Why is it that the SAME people who say they are looking for stability and a LTR are on the more than one sight for several years - using the same tired lines!! If they haven't found someone in all that time, I'm sure they neer will. Sound like the LTR part is extraneous information. I know people that use some the personals sights and they have met some very nice people, and are even having great relationships. But they still scare me.

I did meet a guy online, but not through a personal site. When we met I was so afraid. But he was such a gentleman, and we learned to trust each other very early on. We remained friends for long while, but that was all it was. We had the best times, just doing things - joy riding, traveling and cook outs, and just plain fun. He has married and moved to the other side of the country - i'm very happy for him. I do miss his energy though. I think I'm more happy about than I would have been if we had entered into a romantic relationship.

that is the kind of guy i would like to meet, some one to run around with. i find it easier to be friends with a guy rather than a female.

Thank you all... for the giggles this morning..

I've been at a pity party for a couple of hours now... and this has lifted my sagging spirit a bit.

I'm almost 52... a single mom... I have 4 sons... two grown and married, and the two younger ones are 13 and 11. The youngest has Down Syndrome. The dad of the younger two has been out of the house (thankfully) for over 8 years. Right after he left I had both breasts removed because of cancer. I'm 5'11" and 185 pounds. I've never dyed my hair, and I've never had a manicure (although I'm ALMOST equally comfortable in jeans or evening gown! lol). I don't have a college education and I work weekends so I can care for my children during the week. I have a loooong list of fabulous things going on... lol... but men lose interest when they see the other list! They say they want a "real" relationship... but they can't figure out why the young Barbie Doll took a bunch of their money and went to stay with a sick aunt!

Anyway... I didn't get this far in life by staying in the dumps... but it's nice to read that others see the silliness in personal ads.

Thanks again!
in peace,
Elle Jaye

Elle Jaye, good to see someone else drop in. I have been having a pity party since Nov 2nd when I broke my arm. BUT last night I was able to sleep in the bed instead of the recliner AND I got out of bed by myself. BTW I injured my hand using the wooden lever on the side of the chair. The doctor said I would eventually have to have corrective surgery on it because it will probably pull my finger to my palm one day.

STAR! That's horrible!
I'm so sorry for your pain... and let me get the irony of this correct... have you been sleeping in the chair that "bit" you??? yikes!

The boys have had 6 days off school... most of those snow/cold days... although it was 29 below zero without counting the wind chill on Friday.. I felt compelled to go out to my other house in the country (which I miss so much) to check on it... just had one of those feelings that you can't shake... anyway... someone had broken in... kicked the door off the frame, busting the frame up of course... they went through everything, but didn't really take anything.... left all the doors unlocked though... I have to head back out there today to check again... BUT! Sunday my luck turned around... when I got home at 8 pm from a brutal 13 hour day at work... some one had cleaned my driveway... some angel with a snowblower! lol... and yesterday the snow plow went by and did NOT bury my driveway! So... my luck... and hopefully yours as well... will be fabulous from now on! ;-)
You are awesome!
Elle

Very funny Elle. I know for sure I won't be able to go on my trip. We are suppose to leave on Feb 7th and my bones moved again a couple of days ago. If and when this arm heals I'm out of here, I will board a princess ship at the nearest port.

It's 39 here, sun is shinning and very little wind so it's nice out. I went to the mail for lunch and bought a couple of things. Now I am going to try to read a book.

Star, I hope there is SOME WAY you can go on your trip.. It would do you... and your arm.. a world of good!
I'll send some healing energy your way...
Which arm is it?

I'm glad you got out a bit yesterday... I need to get to the store today... but will probably put it off til tomorrow. I HAVE to get out tomorrow to take the youngest to speech.

You know, I've said it before.. if I make it through getting all 4 boys raised to adulthood without a husband/partner.. I won't even want one at that point.

Talk soon..
Elle

It's is my left arm and that is good, I can drive. I see the doc next Wednesday, the 28th, and may have a real problem getting my money back. I can't just say the pain is to bad or it's to handicapping for me to go, the doc has to say, "you can't go". How do I ask him to say that if he says it's healing okay.

I have a copy of the tour director's email with that info on it, I think I will just hand it to him..

Thanks for the laughs, this cracked me up! I saw one that the guy said at the end, "If you are a bisexual that would be a plus, I like 3 somes" LOL I think I will post one like Marilou made up and at the end put..."oh and if you are a homosexual that would be a plus, I like 3 somes!" LMAO! And what about the ones on CL that have pics of their genitals? LOL, like THAT is supposed to attract a nice gal! LMAO!! I quit the online stuff seems the only ones I attracted were uhhhh not my taste...and I in NO way expect a greek god, but at least have all your teefs...geesh! LOL!

Thanks for the laughs. I haven't read the personals in awhile. All men over 40 want to date women half their age or younger--they must have really high opinions of themselves. If you join outdoor clubs it's the same thing--all the 50 something men lying about their age and misrepresenting themselves and trying to bag women half their age. It's all about their egos. An acquaintance recently told me of a friend who got involved with a man on a Christian online dating service. He came to live with her, (said he was a minister of some church) and stole her identity. She recently testified against him for 31 counts of identity theft. Supposedly these sites check people's backgrounds. Apparently this experience hasn't deterred her from trying other online dating sites.

married-men lines i've been handed personally:

"yes, i'm married but we have an open relationship." (me: "great, give me your wife's phone number so we can just make sure.") i never got one.

"i am married, but my wife has cancer and i could never leave her."

"there are children..." (aren't there always?)

"i'm married but we're legally separated." (fine. call me when you can show me the papers.)

"i'm married, but it's only a matter of time because she's accusing me of fooling around, and if i'm getting accused of it i might as well do it."

"i WAS married, but she died and, for the sake of the kids, i still wear the wedding band." (other version: "i'm sentimentally attached to the wedding band.)

"i only wear a wedding band because too many women hit on me without it."

"i'm from another country and, even after we divorce, we still wear the wedding band of the first wife."

and the age-old one: "no, i'm not married." I ALWAYS asked for a home phone no. on this one.

Just for fun I ran an ad on craigslist. It was short with 3 sentences. 2 sentences were what I was looking for and the other was barely anything about me. It was all very bland.
Meanwhile I got over 100 responses from all walks of life.
College professors, a hotel doorman, vice president of exxon corporation. you name it I got it. Some seemed sincere others were too wacky even for me. The bad part was many of the responses were from married men who submitted photos of themselves (fully clothed). Did I mention I got a response from a bookie who beame a stockbroker.
Instead of getting a date I ended up with research for a magazine article

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Love and the lack of it make for very interesting reading - LOL. It's amazing how most of us have come up with hearing the same lines! You'll need to let us know when your story is published.

I haven't read all the replies yet but as someone who is just about ready to abandon online personals after 11 years on again off again there are a few things I can think of that jump out at me.

Men who say "I'm 50 but look 40 and act 30" - I assume they are going through some sort of crisis and need a woman half their age to feel like they are still attractive. I've even read a profile that told the women it was okay if they were over 50 as long as they looked and acted much younger. Needless to say I don't waste time with these guys.

Men who post pictures with other women! If the picture of you is good move it into MS Paint and crop out the other woman because that really turns me off.

Men who are looking for women more than about 12 years younger than themselves.

Men who refuse to exchange a few emails first and want to go directly to IM or the phone. I don't have time for IM. You get started and before you know it 3 hours have passed. And I'm not giving my number to someone until I've exchanged several emails and determined that I actually want to talk to them.

Men who are "currently separated" - that means you're married and have no business being here. I also steer clear of men who look for a replacement woman immediately after divorce. If you don't care enough to take time to get over her and mourn the loss of your marriage or relationship I'm not going to believe you could ever care for me either.

Men who tell me their daughters will need to approve of me. I guarantee you we will never meet then because I'm not interested in a man who gives a child that kind of power over his life and expects me to accept it too. If you don't have the backbone to be a parent instead of a buddy you are not for me so let's not waste each others time.

Men who are best friends with their ex's or they have female best friends. I've been there done that too many times and when these "just friends" won't even make eye contact with you obviously you are more than "just friends". I even read one profile where the guy admitted that the saddest day of his life was when his female best friend got married. As far as I'm concerned he is just looking for a woman to pass time with until his best friend is available again so maybe he can get together with her. I dated a guy like this for several years and then all of a sudden he and this "just friend" were getting married!

Men who have been divorced 3 times or more. So many times that second divorce was from the much younger woman and then they got divorce another time or more? When men get married and divorced repeatedly I just find it hard to believe they really get attached to any of them. I would feel too replaceable so I'll pass.

I could go on and on but I'll leave you with just one more. I have been on and off the personals since 1998. I always had tons of responses until I turned 50 so I figured it was my age. I rarely even got a response back from men I contacted first and when I did it was usually thanks but no thanks. So I did a little experiment. I made myself 20 years younger. Everything else in my profile stayed the same including my photos. Guess what? I got tons of responses from men, MOSTLY men over 50! And some of them were the same guys who wouldn't give me the time of day when they thought I was 50 something instead of 30 something. This proves what I've thought for a while - men my age are looking for someone half their age.

It is their loss not mine. I do believe God had someone picked out for me but I don't think I'm going to find him online trolling for young women.

My fave is the guy who "loves long walks on the beach, fine dining and travel"...and he's in JAIL!