got involved with an engaged man

15 years ago

I know this is not a unique problem and i probably know the answer already but i just want to hear/read it myself....I was pursued by a man under the guise of wanting to be friends....at first it was just that, being friends but hes just a major flirt and i fell for it big time...he never kept it a secret that he was in a long distance relationship and he was going to propose to his girl...at the same time he was going out with me and being just difficult to resist, he was very sweet and caring and wanted to continue what we have(maybe because im lonely and just got out of a failed relationship)...i kept asking if what were doing was wrong, he said not to think about it too much...he even asked me to pick out an engagement ring for her girl, which is utterly heartbreaking for me...then i found out from him this happened before with him and the girl hes engaged now was in my position before...i have since distanced myself from him but its really hard and my heart breaks.....i know this is whats best for me...but im so hurting, how could a man be so cold, did he even actually care for me?....and i pity her fiance and feel so bad for what i did...

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Comments (11)

asolo
15 years ago
The consistency is interesting. Always new member; always same style of user-name, punctuation, capitalization, sentence/paragraph structure (or lack thereof). There must be a member's club out there that gets off on this kind of thing.
panache04
Original Author
15 years ago
Which kind of thing are you referring to? The lack of capitalization, sentence and paragraph structure? Forgive the errors in my post. I just find the people here intelligent and level headed, people you normally want to be around with when you're almost off the edge. Thanks very much.
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Thank you all for your responses. There is not much I can say for myself, other than I am truly sorry. Sylvia... yes I am devastated... I'm human. I've been in love very few times in my life. I feel stupid to admit this is one... My nights are sleepless and that's when I stay up conflicted about this situation. But be assured my days are spent struggling through the loss of my career opportunity. I play over my evals again and again in my head, but it is easier for me to deal with because it is black and white why I failed. I had a 90% avg going into those final days, but the program is set up to put the pressure on, and I choked. My field is one in which I can still find work but will likely have to resort to contract work and the process is painstakingly slow, but I have always been able to take care of myself, and job wise it's easy for me to sit and make a plan to dig myself out of a hole. Unfortunately when it comes to matters of the heart, it's much more difficult for me. I'm just... sad. Yes Popi I did think with my heart. It's very rare that I let people in, but when I do, I certainly have made mistakes and gotten hurt. (Though this is the only time I've ever fell for someone who was not single) Thank you for the advice. Sylvia the drug reference is good... you are certainly on to something, but I suppose for me it was that I'm a hopeless romantic... I kept picturing Swing Time scenarios... a fine romance indeed. I can't tell you why he pursued me, why I gave in, I can't tell you what it was that made it happen between him and me, I can only admit that it did happen, and that I'm guilty, shameful, and embarrassed. Not an excuse... there is no excuse, and please understand that I do know that... and that I truly am sorry. That's most likely why I feel like I'm struggling the most. That's why I asked, can one be sorry without regret? Meaning I am sorry, but my feelings for him are still there...I want him to be happy. I will always have questions as to why, what if, is he truly happy, etc. But I have blocked him since that last email and now that the wedding day has come and gone, my resolve is solidified. I know time is the only thing that will heal, but I have to say writing it all out the other night helped. And your responses... I needed it. Scarlett I can pretty much guarantee that lesson was learned.
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You have your own 4 bedroom house and he lives in a rooming house? He's 43 and he's not "allowed" to have his girlfriend over? Do you and he go out and do things together or do you just hang out at your home? What are the "fun" times that he says he wants with you? Why would you do this to another woman? You're helping him to cheat on her. You're clearly thinking about yourself; how about thinking about her? This guy sounds like a royal mess.
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Jinx, what a sweet classy futue SIL. Beautiful story and gorgeous antique ring. I hope your injured hand is feeling better. I would have done the same thing … ”…here little buffy lo lo! Come see what I’ve got for you… don’t be shy!”
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asolo
15 years ago
"....probably know the answer already but i just want to hear/read it myself..."

Mission accomplished, then. Except......

"Answer" ? To what, exactly? If there was a question in there anywhere, guess I missed it. From what you wrote, I have no idea what you're seeking. Does anyone?
kayjones
15 years ago
Asolo, you are brilliant in your responses, AS USUAL!
asolo
15 years ago
Joe brilliant thanks you....but doubts you.

On we go...my gratitude, love, lust, and admiration for you included.

And my appetite for sarcasm undiminished.
sylviatexas1
15 years ago
Embroider this on a sampler:

"Pursuit Is a Predatory Behavior".

Hang it on your wall & read it aloud at least twice a day.

Meanwhile, drop this creep like the bad-smelling garbage he is.
asolo
15 years ago
Yo, Silvia, not to back off of my opinion that this is a nonsense post, but......

Except for the OP's using of the word "pursued" one time, I think the whole thing is pretty unclear. She even said he was up-front with her about ALL of this self-serving stupidness and SHE decided to stick around. No deception was mentioned. Now she's whining about it and feels so bad and wants a fan-club to help her feel justified, apparently....although I really have no idea what she wants. She volunteered to be crapped on and afterward she's discovered she doesn't like crap. I'm having a little trouble with my own sympathy-generator.

I know you've got axes to grind from previous experience (don't we all?) but this is a bit beyond, even for you, IMHO.
kayjones
15 years ago
Asolo, listen up! I DO enjoy your non-sensical responses - since our one and only argument, many years ago, I have learned you are a very smart person and I enjoy reading what you have to say - no sarcasm intended WHATSOEVER.
susie53_gw
15 years ago
You knew better when you started it.. What did you think people were going to say about it? Wrong is wrong.... Why didn't you think of the other lady when you first though of doing this?
daisymaewi5
15 years ago
This guy is not very nice. Run far away. Run fast.
kayjones
15 years ago
Asolo, I wanted to clarify what I said in my last response: I meant to say I enjoy your no-nonsense replies.

got involved with an engaged man

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got involved with an engaged man

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