These are some great stories. I'd like to share mine, since I think that it's pretty interesting. I met my husband over the phone. I was working at a new job after being unemployed for 8 months. I worked in the order dept for a very respected publishing company, taking phone orders. Since I was so elated to be working again I tended to be extremely pleasant and helpful in those early days so when I received a call from StonyBrook University's bookstore inquiring about one of their orders instead of transferring the call to customer service ( as we were supposed to do) I checked the status of the order myself & told the guy on the other end of the phone that it had shipped out about a week ago. Since Stony Brook Univ is about an hour away from our distribution center I was a bit baffled as to why they hadn't received the books yet. He asked how the books had been shipped and I replied "by armadillo?". He howled with laughter. We spoke again a few more times in the course of the regular order pool, then he started asking for me exclusiveley and after hours of conversations at work (it's a wonder that my co-workers never ratted me out) we started calling each other at home. Now, these marathon phone calls took place over the course of a year. The subject of appearance never came up, nor did the fact that both of us were currently involved in long term relationships (I was dating the world's biggest loser- gorgeous as anything but the "honey can you bail me out of jail 'cause I've got two simultaneous warrants for my arrest in two different counties" kind of loser.) So after a year and countless hours on the phone I was going out to Stony Brook to visit a dear friend and my phone pal, Bill, suggested that we meet for a drink. I offered to stop by the bookstore to find him. I had a vision of being able to spot him immediately in spite of having no idea what he looked like. I was crazy about this guy already and was convinced that I would just "know. Well. For starters once I arrived on campus I couldn't find the bookstore. Nor could I find anyone that could tell me where the bookstore was. Panicked that the store would close before I could get there, I found a payphone & called. I told Bill where I was, he told me to sit tight & he'd come find me. You need to picture this. It was 1992. I'm sporting an impressive black mohawk, multiply piereced ears, skull buckle boots, head to toe black. In strolls the early 90's equivalent of James Hetfield from Metallica, complete with long hair & impressive fu manchu moustache. SO not my mental image of my phone pal and so, so not my "type". I was devastated. You have to understand that at the time I was very, very superficial & most likely would never even have spoken to my now husband, much less dated him. Still, the evening went well once I got past his looks (I was such an idiot) and I figured that I wouldn't hold that against him (a pompous idiot). We went onward to my friend's house...who had just taken a home pregnancy test & greeted us waving the urine dipped stick. It was positive & she was delighted. Bill never batted an eye at the antics of my delirious friend, just took it all in stride. So I called him about a week later at home. I figured that there was no reason he & I couldn't continue our friendship even though he wasn't my type. He was very odd on the phone, very distracted & almost disinterested and it ocurred to me...much to my horror...that maybe he had a problem with MY appearance! How dare he! I was livid. I found out later that he was so distant over the phone because his GF of a bout 2 years was there, wanting to know who he was talking to, who I was, etc. A couple of months later he calls me at work & we pick up as if we'd never stopped. The marathon phone calls resumed & when I'd go out to visit my now very pregnant friend, he'd stop by her place as well. Still friends, still chatting, nothing else. By this time we had both shed our respective (in)significant others, though. We had our first real "date" in July...a friend's wedding in Buffalo where Bill told me that he never wanted to get married & I said I had no intentions of doing so either... & he asked me to marry him on Christmas eve. We'll have been married 13 years this March and I thank God every day for how lucky I am. The funny thing is that I come from a very, very old country Italian family. My father died when I was very young but my mother is very traditional & old fashioned. She is anti long hair on men, anti tattoo and definitely anti motorcycle but thinks that the sun rises & sets on my husband. After years of her absolutely forbidding me to learn to ride a motorcycle she was delighted when I got my license after Bill & I got married & thinks that it's wonderful how the two of us share that. I'm convinced that after the parade of freaks I brought through her house she was so ecstatic to see me end up marrying someone that was intelligent and respectful she didn't care how long his hair was. But she adores him as he does her and I'm very fortunate for that as well :-). Nina

Phoenix- When I read these words: "I do believe in love and I know that GOD's will will be carried out." I felt compelled to share some of my story, as I lived a very long time wondering about God's will. I met "Dan" 26 years ago. I fell in love, and knew we were meant to be together. We weren't dating exclusively, but were very close. He went to school out of State, and we burned up the phone lines. We kept the post office afloat. He later discovered he had a child from a previous relationship. He married his son's mother, because it was "the right thing to do", despite many protests from many people- I was not one of them. I cried, I questioned God, I prayed...but that wedding still happened. During the next 20 years,we would bump into each other,or talk when one of us was single/separated, but not the other. I never wanted to be TOW as much for my own sake as for his and his wife's.And, since he had been the victim of adultery himself, he never wanted to be TOM. About two months after my last relationship ended, I called Dan on his Birthday, left a voicemail, and left it at that. I knew he had been divorced for about 5 years, but did not know his dating status. He called me back, a day or two later, and once again, we talked for hours. We took my kids to a pizza/arcade restaurant, and talked some more. Over the next few months, I started praying even harder, asking God, "am I crazy?" Everyone warned me that I'd get my heart broken, again. I tried to break things off, over and over. It's too good to be true, blah. Irony-Dan proposed to me on his eldest son's birthday. Shortly after, we were married, in the same church he had gotten married, and I had prayed and cried. Dan is now my DH, and I love him more NOW. Neither of us would take away the blessings of our respective children,but I do wish there hadn't been so much heartache.I quit asking what might have been, and now say what will be, will be. God's delays are not God's denials!

You do not have a marriage. Your "husband" is being dishonest with you. You could let him know he needs to get help with his problem(if it is a medical/psychological one). If he is gay then he really is dishonest and married you under false pretense. You need to leave this relationship if he does not change his sexless behavior. NancyLouise

Thanks, everyone! This is a small town, and the loan officer at the local credit union did seem to think that national banks might be more lenient? Of course, the credit union's fees are much lower than the banks I've tentatively looked at, and I had wanted to work with them because that's who I've gotten loans from in the past, always paid on time. :( Bill: The loan officer's fees were separate from the closing costs, in addition to them, and labeled as loan officer's fees. All the usual fees were also listed. The problem with living in a small town is there is not a lot of competition around, so fees are hiked up for EVERYTHING just because they can be. This county, incidentally, frequently has the highest price of gas in the continental U.S. It's just like that for everything - but it is a gorgeous place, very mild climate, surrounded on one side by the Pacific Ocean and pristine forests on the other, so people get really attached to this place despite the hassle. The credit history thing is really frustrating. I've even paid rent that was higher than the cost of this mortgage at the credit union (if I had qualified by being in business a few months longer). I have a phone appointment w/ Bank of America today - I'll see how that goes...(We don't even have a local loan officer for B of A, apparently)...