Interesting discussion! I've had a ringside seat for 15 years at the marrying-for-money, trophy-wife circus. My kids attend a very exclusive, very pricey private school. Our joke is we're the token middle class family there :). Anyway, this place is a marvelous venue for observing the phenom of women marrying men who are often older and always wealthy. Within this general group there are divisions: -There is what I call the 'original wives' club. These women are first wives, who married the doctor/lawyer/indian chief when they were both starting out, with good earning potential but long before the money appeared. Many are nurses who married doctors, legal secretaries who married attorneys etc. A good smattering of college romances in there. Original wives are generally close(r) in age to the husband. They look their age, but VERY well maintained. -Trophy wives. These are always a lot younger and a lot more good looking than their partner. They are second, or sometimes third, wives. Their children often have half-siblings who are decades older. They are seriously into high maintenance mode. They are arm candy...when they appear with their spouse at any event they are dressed, made up and toned to the nines. Funny aside: I learned long, long ago to NEVER ask or assume that an elderly guy at a PTA event or back to school night is a grandfather. No,he is the dad on his second (or third or...) go round at fatherhood. Both sets tend to be SAH; it is also common that the husbands are minimally involved in the life of the family. They are way too busy working to afford the best house, the luxury car and of course the pricey prep school. The wives tend to complain that they have all the responsibility and that the husbands drop in occasionally to bask in the fatherly glow, then they are off again. OTOH the domestic responsibility is eased by a lot of help-household workers, hired out jobs and so on. If they're not working, the dads are often indulging in their own expensive pasttimes without the family. Lots of golf, deep sea fishing, private plane excursions. Travel usually consists of lavish trip several times annually. But, those trips are the only extended family time rich dad spends with the kids. Otherwise, it is original/trophy mom, the kids and the household help who hang out together. Wait, I forgot--a lot of the trophy wives get carted off at least once annually for a couples' only vacay with hubby. The wives like to sigh as they 'complain' that their money honey just has to have his week alone with her every year in Jamaica/Paris/Italy/Fiji. Such a burden. Sound cynical? Who, me???? I will say that these families and marriages do work in many cases. I will also say that the downside can be brutal. I've seen many divorces over the years and they tend to be nasty and prolonged. Wives who have been pampered housewives for a decade or more have to fight hard to get money out of the divorcing spouse. They worry a LOT about living because almost none of them have financial resources or job skills. Usually they end up leaving the MacMansion and moving into comfortable but much more modest houses. OTOH, most of them seem a lot happier once they are single and finished with the divorce. So, who knows? I'm married to a guy who is roughly equal to me in education, earning power and work ethic. My last raise brought my income a tiny bit higher than his and when I asked him how he felt about that he crowed "I feel like I can see early retirement coming closer...yippee." He also likes to call himself my trophy husband :). I think I've got a pretty good deal. Ann

Golddust, I loved your post. This is a second marriage for me and a third for my DH. While his track record is not good, I know this one is going to work for several reasons. Our first marriages occurred when we were very young (18). Young people are immature, impetuous, and often selfish. I hope that along the way we have learned some lessons (many of them the hard way). This time around, both of us cherish the friendship we have and continue to cultivate it. I think I have a linebacker's shoulders, but he always tells me how sexy they are. Of course, he's crazy, but I'll indulge him. Golddust mentioned not demanding things from each other and she's right on about that. When you start taking each other for granted, you come to expect that you have the right to dictate to each other. In a great relationship you will be able to expect that each of you will want to do things for each other, but never, never take that for granted. "It's the tiny things, it's consideration, thoughtfulness and ignoring each others weaknesses." Truer words were never spoken. DH and I also rarely exchange gifts. It took me a few years to convince him that I really did not need that overt display of affection. The most wonderful gift he ever gave me is his love. And he tells me and shows me every day of our lives that he still loves me. What more could I ever want? My first marriage ended after 12 years. DH and I have now been married for 14 years. Occasionally I will overhear him say that I am his third wife and I say, "Honey, I'm your last wife. When I'm done with you there ain't gonna be enough of you left for another wife."

yes, our dogs hav ekept us at home the last year. prior to that my grandmother would go watch them for us, but she passed about 18 months ago. we tried to go on vacation shortly after and boarded the dogs. Hooch, my choc lab, had panic attacks the whole time and the vet had to keep him sedated. so with no one to watch them, we had no vacation this year. if my wife and i wanted to go for a night, my mom would come check on them, and if we went for more than 1 night it was usually to my inlaws house anyway so we would take them. but vacations are always us and my parents so no one to watch them. Hooch was overweight due to glandular issues and stayed inteh house all the time. he came close to heat stroke a few times just being out palying, no way we could leave him out. so if we went out of town and he could not go, someone had to come to the house to let him out several times a day. we tried getting a friend to do this for us, but he would not go outside for her. she had to drag him and then he turned and ran right back to the door and sat shaking. the poor thing stayed inside without relieving himself for 18 hours that day. i swear i heard him sign with relief as he peed when i got home to take him out! Hooch was hit and killed by a car Tuesday night, so now we have only Beau and 3 fish. we can put him in the big pen, it is the size of a normal city lot sized back yard, and have a friend come by to feed him and the fish twice a day. i don't mean that to sound the way it does, i would much rather have Hooch still here. i jsut don't know how to type it out.

Emmers! Welcome. I cannot imagine moving my 5 cats without serious trauma .. for ME! Good luck with this new home, new place, new people, new everything! It's a wild ride!! Shicksal, what happened with the builder and his estimate? Did you have conversation? I still have a feeling, as someone else mentioned, that the house will be a wreck before anything's done, then what the city will do? require? Who knows. I, too, like MTDoug's philosophy. I am also one of getting rid of crap. ' Texas_Gem, that's wild. I'm willing to bet this weekend you'll be showing us the entire place closed in and ready for insulation! Unfortunately it quickly packs up with new crap. The difficult thing is, too, that I have purpose for the crap. In the last month, I've made several things out of crap, without having to buy anything. Well, the raised garden bed was a bale of hay ($6.00), the potting bench a piece of corner bead ($8.00) and today, inside, my apothecary drawers. I find these spice/apothecary drawers to be the most useless pieces of crap in the world. Almost as useless as base, reach-in cabinets or 12" wall cabinets. However, on a 16' run, they give the eye a break. Plus, I have 4 sets of them. Don't ask. But, I'd already bought the corbels from a true artist on Etsy. Absolutely lovely. No idea what I was going to do with them. I've used primer I have, I'm going to use a SW sample paint for the bottoms, sealing it with the dark, paint base I already have. So, crap already here. I also came to a roadblock with the lovely oak I've been planing. It's dimensional, with live edges. I mean, BARK on the edges!! What can I build to showcase that, since it's incredible? I was planning cabinet doors, probably, but I'd have to joint that off. Noooooooo... Ideas? Hmmm... No phone. Pizza and Martinis? I'll take the latter. YEAH! Martinis and pizza!! What could be better, except talking on the phone with someone about how great it is. Sorry for the inconvenience. I hope all is uploaded somewhere. Shicksal, the reason for stealing the phone isn't to use it, it's to sell it. With a SIM card, anything's possible. Interestingly enough, many phones now have GPSs or programs to shut them down, so even that lucrative activity is slowly thwarted. In the meanwhile, Crap of a different sort. Ok. Off to sand and paint. What can I make with that gorgeous oak? We're talking 6-8' boards. 9-11 3/4" wide.... I have hung 90" of upper cabinets in the last 2 days, though. Gotta put the doors on, but oh, so pretty. And OFF the counter. Cal_quail, I'm so relieved for you. I was holding my breath.