drkona, Your house looks great! I would look for a small chest or console to go on the wall directly in front of you when you come in the front door. Maybe with a mirror hung above it and a lamp and a picture of your kids on the chest. That would make a welcoming entrance. Ballard Designs has a lot of little chests/consoles. re: the closet - definitley use it. Install lower hooks or maybe consider having California Closets or someone come out to put some organizing stuff in there to maximize the space. I like what mclarke posted for that corner by the closet. You could also have someone (handyman, finish carpenter) come and build you a little bench and hooks for that space too. If you can train everyone to use that area, that would be great! Have fun!

They are much safer in a stroller. Some people use those baby leashes, but that would be much harder with two of them running in different directions. I agree that they are too young to toilet train - and it's not like you could let them go to the bathroom unsupervised anyway, unless you wanted to fish toy trucks out of the toilet. Is there any reason to think that they may have any mild developmental or speech delays? Your town should have screenings for anyone at risk - and merely being a multiple would be considered at risk most places. The preschooler of someone in my town was able to go to a special needs/integrated preschool, and I think the basis for that was not a disability but rather because his father had died, leaving his wife with three kids under 4 and one on the way. I think the little boy was considered socially at risk. My daughter attended the same preschool, due to her language delays, and it was a good experience for her. Door-to-door transportation, in a van with car seats and seat belts, was provided.

drcinbd, like Karen, I'm sorry I didn't comment earlier. I wrote comments several times but deleted them because this is a very "hot-button" issue for me. Please do not end this relationship because your children object. If you do, you are abdicating responsibility for your own life to them and that is not healthy. I don't know when we shifted from a society that taught respect for the autonomy of other adults, including parents, to one that expected that life decisions should be made based on the opinions of others, particularly adult children. Before you were a husband or a father, you were most likely a fully-functioning, independent person in your own right. You got an education, built a career, entered into a long, successful marriage and parented five children into independent adulthood. While I suspect you sometimes sought the counsel of others, I doubt you did all of that so successfully by giving others a vote on every decision that you or you and your late wife made. If you end this relationship now, your children will most likely object to the next woman you want to marry, and so on. You will spend the rest of your life without the shared joy of a partner because your children are self-centered and don't want their lives to change in any way. Sadly, life has changed - your wife died and you did not. Have any of the five volunteered to give up their lives to live with you and be your companion for the rest of your life? If they aren't prepared to do that, what right do they have to expect you not to move forward with your life in the way that you choose? Why should you remain alone, because that is what they prefer? How would your remarriage harm them? It isn't like you could or would replace their mother. Employers replace people. Sports teams replace people. Families expand and grow in love because people join and leave them through many different avenues; birth, marriage, adoption, divorce, etc. What happened to loving your parent enough to both want their happiness and respect their autonomy? Please, talk to your love before just ending things. She should have a vote in this, not your children. This is her life, too. From experience, I can tell you that if you marry, there will be unhappy times when your children act on their feelings because you will not be able to shield her or your relationship completely and as their father, you will be hurt. Please remember that however difficult, it is only one part of your life, not the whole. I am married to the man I have loved since I was 17. We've been married for 5 years and in a relationship for 8. We were engaged at 21 but for reasons having nothing to do with our love for one another, he broke things off. He went on to have a very happy 30-year marriage until his wife died after a two-year battle with cancer. He contacted me through Classmates, 9 months after her death, and we built a friendship over months of email correspondence. Eventually, we fell in love again, met in person and began to talk about a future together. There were many challenges and obstacles, but we married 3 years after his late wife's death. My daughters love him and his youngest, while not thrilled, has been accepting and gracious. On the other hand, my husband's oldest daughter was unhappy from the beginning and behaved that way. She estranged herself from her father because she feels that by seeking me out and pursuing a relationship, he disrespected her mother. She has been awful to both of us and blamed me for many things that simply aren't true. I have tried to stay in the background and encouraged my husband to do things with her, without me. Individually and collectively we have tried everything we can think of to make things better. We gave her time and asked only that she be polite when we had to be in the same place. Her dad has spent many hours over the last 7 years listening to her feelings and opinions. He has apologized for his missteps and tried to make amends, but she prefers her version of things. He even agreed to therapy with a therapist of her choosing and went for about 9 months. Despite everything, she is adamant that he should have ended our relationship because she wanted him to and that she is perfectly right to estrange herself from her only living parent because he didn't. But, drcinbd, even with this sadness, we are happy and neither of us has regrets about marrying. Yes, there have been upsets and unhappiness surrounding his daughter's feelings and behavior, but they have not taken away from the joy of having found one another. I was with him this year when his cancer came back and he had to have radiation and chemo. He was my biggest supporter when I struggled to finally finish my degree and then found out (at 60) that I have serious ADHD. Yes, there have been MANY challenges as we worked to build a relationship, but it has been worth it! We are good for each other and to each other, and neither of us regrets our decision to marry, in any way. Yes, there are times when I weary of his daughter's toxicity and wonder why she is so awful to me, but every minute I get to spend with my husband brings me more happiness than all of the misery she has caused, put together. I have never been happier than I am in this marriage, with this man. We will continue to work to reconcile with with his daughter for as long as it takes, but cannot do more. Sorry to be so long-winded. Please do not deprive yourself of the possibility of a joyful and fulfilling marriage with someone who sounds perfect for you. Keep trying with your children, but don't sacrifice two other lives to their selfishness. At 57, you probably have many more years of life ahead. Grab this chance at happiness and hold on tight. Best of luck to you!

Thank you all for giving me advice. The SD does work part time as a hairstylist. She did go to school for it and does not have her license yet. When she first moved in, my DH (her Dad) told her the BF could NOT move in. He told her that before we moved her stuff in and again once she was settled in. When he told her again that day she said "What?? BF can't stay here too??" He said "No, I told you that! He is 27 and has been in and out of jail and I don't trust him in my home!" Well, she was ticked. So, she said, "Well, I'll just leave my stuff here and we will go over to Mom's to sleep at night". So, that is what they did for a month or so. (DH did not make her pay rent right away) So, after a month or so, DH said "Well, your BF can spend the weekends here only" That went on for another month or so and then the BF had to go serve some jail time for some fines he hadn't paid. So, he was gone most of the summer. We only charged her a small amount to stay here while he was gone. Then he got out of jail and my DH said "Well, he can live here too as long as you pay rent". The rent they pay barely covers the cost of the utilities they use a month. It doesn't cover the cost of the phone, cable, wear and tear on my washer and dryer let alone the inconvience of having them be here. My DH does not let me have a voice in any of these things. I am VERY assertive and I do make him aware of my opinion but in the end he just tells me I need to stay out of it. Here is an example of what happened yesterday: BF left for work (a co-worker picks him up for his job since he has no drivers license) Then SD left for her job. I had a paid day off from work. So, I go downstairs to their "area" and I take a quick look around. In the 9 months that they have been in this house I have only done this 3 times. My DH and I do want to make sure that things are not broken down there or filthy. So, about a month ago I had left them a note to please clean out the frig and clean out the shower-it was disgusting. Well, I looked down there yesterday and not a thing has changed. They totally blew the note off. So, I went and moved all the bottles of shampoo, shavers and etc in the shower to the middle of the shower so they could see how gross it was. There was actually mold growing under everything. That is ridiculous! I have no desire to make them do their dishes or shampoo carpets or whatever-cause I don't want to nit-pic, but some things have to be handled. DH got home from work and we went out to eat. We came back and SD had an envelope on our kitchen counter that said "DAD" So he opens it. She wrote a note that said: Dad, someone was in our bedroom today because the over head fan was off and we always leave it on. Also, someone put all our stuff from our shower in the middle of the shower and I know it's dirty but since we pay rent 'no one' should be snooping in our stuff" So, DH looks at me. I said "Yeah, I did look in the shower and put the stuff in the middle, I told you it's moldy in there but No, I did NOT look in the bedroom" So, he goes downstairs and speaks to her. He comes up and I said "So, what is the verdict? What did you say to her?" He looked at me and said "I don't want to be a referrery between you two". So, he left it at that. He did mumble something about how he would "look at the bathroom in a few days" God, how lame. I have no voice in this crap. No matter what I do, I'm the "bad guy". If SD thinks I'm not going to inspect that area now and then to make sure nothings broken or disgustingly filthy she's got another thing coming!! Yes, my DH and his Ex are at fault for not raising them they way they should. He Ex always wanted to be her girls BF not a Mother. DH got sick of always fighting with her about how she would let them off the hook when he grounded them for doing something wrong. So, after a while he gave up and didn't punish them at all. He knows he is at fault for not standing up to her and doing the right thing.