If you have adult single children...

lydia1959

15 years ago

... do you consider the single guys/girls that you meet as potential significant others for them? Do you actually ever set them up for a date?

My DD recently broke up with her boyfriend and now I find myself thinking certain guys I meet (especially while doing this room addition) might be good matches for her.

So.. do you leave your kids love lifes alone or do you butt in? I don't think I'd ever set my DD up with anyone, but would have no problem making sure DD and a potential SIL (being optimistic here) at least might have to be the same place at the same time.

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Comments (20)

azzalea
15 years ago
My dd is 27, single, had a good career and has bought her own home--all on her own. Never been married or engaged.

I completely stay out of her love life. It's her responsibility to find and develop a relationship with the right guy. I've seen too many parents, friends and others try to set someone else up, it doesn't work out, and then the young person blames the well-meaning matchmaker. Better to let them work it out on their own, IMO. In one case, the parent actually forced the child to marry the parent's choice of partner (long story) and it hasn't ended well at all--it's been a marriage that's brought heartache to all concerned--the two pricipals, their children, their parents, and lots of collateral people. Why? Because both resent that they were forced to marry someone who ended up not being a good fit, but neither wants to divorce, so it's been a 30 year heartach for them.

Which isn't to say I wouldn't love to see dd find the right person, get married and give me some grandchildren--but I just want her to do it on her terms, in her time.
sheilajoyce_gw
15 years ago
Well, I might make sure she came over to visit at a time that the other person is there. But that would be it.

However, never did set any kids up. Nevertheless, I knew someone who did so very successfully. She was a teacher, and met a new, young teacher she thought would be perfect for her son. So she asked another teacher on campus who knew her son well to please fix them up. It was a match that led right to the alter. Very wonderful couple.
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alisande
15 years ago
Both my son and daughter are in long-term relationships. But even when they weren't, I don't ever remember thinking along those lines. So I guess I must be one who doesn't butt in. I'm sure they're grateful for that.....IF they ever give it a thought! :-)
stargazzer
15 years ago
No way I would steer them over to meet a worker. If he turned out to be an abuser or pedophile, I wouldn't want that on my shoulders.
clubm
15 years ago
I leave it up to them to make their own choices.
country_bumpkin_al
15 years ago
Nope! As adults, I think thier lives & choices are their own. Both my adult son & daughter are in long-term relationships..but I couldn't have made better choices for them if I'd wanted to. My children haven't aways made the choices I thought were right for them, but they didn't ask my opinion and I didn't give it!
susan_on
15 years ago
My situation is exactly like Azzalea's. My daughter is 27 and has a house of her own.. she bought it when she was 23. But I would never interfere with her personal life by trying to hook her up with someone.
Marilyn Sue McClintock
15 years ago
No, I have a single son and there is no way I would try to set him up with a girl. I feel like he is old enough to pick one out on his own. He will be 47 in a few months.

Sue
mcmann
15 years ago
Oh no I wouldn't touch that with the proverbial ten foot pole and I have three single adult children- 30, 27 and 25.
patti43
15 years ago
I would NEVER do such a thing.. Hmmm, let's see, Azzalea has a 27-year old unmarried daughter, Sue has a 46 year-old unmarried son. Well, well, well!!!! ;-)
dibby
15 years ago
I have a 46 year old single daughter (who BTW has two small children!). I wish I had had something to say about her choice of a spouse, she wouldn't be alone now with 2 kids to raise.
jannie
15 years ago
My older daughter is 20. She's had three boyfriends in three years, something always goes wrong. There's a guy who works in my local grocery store who is very good looking, very polite and industrious. I'd like to ask him if he has a girlfriend, if not, I have this daughter. . .
susanjf_gw
15 years ago
no...mores the pity, lol...
mary_c_gw
15 years ago
NO! I would never even consider interfering.
Marigene
15 years ago
Nope, she is old enough to choose her own mate!
grammahony
15 years ago
No, my picker is broke.
trishaw
15 years ago
Granted, my oldest son is only 20, but I don't think I would try. I love him to death, but we have so little in common that I don't think I could even come close to finding him someone who would have his interests.

My youngest is just starting to date. I find it interesting to see what attracts him.

Trish
joyfulguy
15 years ago
Daughter married a person of her choice, they bought a house ... and later broke up (no kids).

She has been in several occupations ... and locations. Later introduced to someone by a high schoool pal: they were together for four years or so, but broke up.

Now, unbelievably in mid-40s, she has bought a condo in a far-away location.

I never had any part in match-making ... never even had anyone in mind that I thought might be a candidate.

Son didn't seem much interested in females for years, I never considered attempting to initiate a contact (probably wasn't familiar with relevant potential suitors, anyway).

Recently he has found someone with mainly grown offspring ... via internet, it appears. They have been spending time together.

During a recent discussion here of raising children, I said that I'd felt that one of my chief tasks as a parent is to help my child prepare him/herself to work toward independence ... and someone referred to it, saying that she too felt it to be an important part of our parental responsibility.

That said, if I'd met someone whom I thought that he might find interesting, I might mention to him that I'd met someone that might be of interest - we've developed a fairly informal, straightforward, easy-going relationship. That would be all that I might do.

ole joyful
breenthumb
15 years ago
Oh goodness! I have a friend who badgered me for years to introduce my single daughter (who she knew)to her son. DD was 38 and he's somewhere in his mid 40's. Neither has ever been married, he owns a condo and she, her own home.

Last year an old HS friend of Badgerer and mine was going to be in town so she set up a get together at popular FF type restaurant including husbands (who had never met) and she suggested I have DD join us and she would bring DS.

DD is in sales, perky and outgoing. Can pretty much talk to anybody and joined us. We sat ourselves at a long table and amidst all the greetings, DD and her DS wound up sitting opposite each other. From there on in all anyone ever saw of him was the top of his head! He was so shy he couldn't converse with anyone. At one point his father said "Jimmy! wake up!" A very poor match.

Other than that once, I stay completely out of her love life.
lyndy_pa
15 years ago
My single son just turned 35, he is very outgoing, handsome and successful. He once almost married, but called it off at the last minute (it was a mess, because he had a beautiful home built and it was full of furniture) everything had to be split and of course the ring, which he spent entirely too much money for. This woman is still calling him and it has been 7 years! But in the past year and a half he has been dating someone and they are living together now, a wonderful & beautiful (inside and out) girl. I have never see him so happy. I could not have picked a better person for him. They just bought an adorable puppy, they have been traveling all over and they are fixing up his house, so maybe soon they will get married. I hope so. I am so happy for both of them.

If you have adult single children...

Comments (20)

azzalea

sheilajoyce_gw

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