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Hi sfieldsforever. I am the guardian for my mother, who now resides in an ALF about 50 miles from me. I have feelings very similar to what you have expressed so donÂt feel *alone*. My mother has alcohol induced dementia. Yep, she was a raging alcoholic my entire life and spent 90% of her time in isolation. Though she was obviously absent for most of my life, the few hours she interacted with me as a child were filled with verbal abuse. After I left for college (some 20 yrs ago), I had very little contact with her. My father left her soon afterward. My involvement became necessary after her declining condition was reported to the Dept of Families & Children as a neglected adult at risk (or something like that) following a DUI. Being her only immediate family, I was called to act/react. She would not leave her home but was unable to realistically care for herself. Since that time, a lot has happened. In addition to being in an ALF, she has limited assets, tons of medical conditions, and no friends . Like your mom, mine had not saved much money for her future. Additionally, she lived *high on the hog* via credit cards  lots of debt. She has always had an attitude of entitlement. She also doesnÂt acknowledge her absenteeism/abusiveness to me. She now thinks we are really close  though she canÂt stop herself from delivering insults and criticism in her "ha-ha, itÂs just in fun" manner. I still dislike her intensely and get physically nauseous when I even think about visiting her. I don't visit very often and rationalize it as 'she was never there for me and caused this situation all on her own, even after various people attempted to intervein'. The worst part is that by being less involved, some sudden incident occurs and I have to respond in full combat regalia. I don't know what is worse - frequent low-key or occasional melodramatic dealings. And I too always compare my distaste to the others who have overcome emotions to (lovingly) assist their parent/s care. I know that under the circumstances it is hard to show compassion  but as a human, shouldnÂt I be able to be better-than-this? I donÂt know how to define the responsibility for children taking care of their parents. I guess it has to be a personal choice. Some folks seem more capable of restraint than others in this type of situation. IÂm still struggling with it. Being an only child makes it so difficult  especially when our momÂs havenÂt developed any (loyal) friends. The only advice I can offer to you in reference to getting her to move closer to you/your uncle is to maybe report her as *at risk* to DCF. Maybe their involvement would shake her loose? But, be careful what you ask forÂ. mine developed to a legal directive after being *ram-rodded* into acquiring guardianship of my mom. (I now know that it could have been handled via power of attorney.) So, not only do I now have the legal directive to be responsible for her for the rest of her life but, this directive has turned into a financial pig. Filing the associated annual accounting records, etc. is in excess of $5000/yr. So, be careful in that arena (gaining legal/plenary guardianship). I wish you luck. Laura

I have a copy of, "the NEW Fannie Farmer-Boston Cooking-School COOK BOOK", 1953. My father, in his retirement, took on the care of several Summer homes in Southern Maine. He would check on them during the winter, board up windows against storms, uncover rose gardens when the time was right, deal with emergencies...that kind of thing. During the Summer, when people were in residence, he was sort of a general, all around handyman. His largest client was old money...there was a beach named after the family, a road named after the family, and a huge home, loaded with antiques that had been the original furnishings. An elderly Black woman came up every summer from South Carolina to be their cook for the season. Little bittie thing, set in her ways and stubborn as heck, but since she'd been cooking for the family for decades, she knew what they liked and how to manage them. I had been separated from my father at age 5, and when I found him again in my early 30's, I went out to stay with him and my stepmother for a year to get to know them. He took me down to meet Marguerite. She was a kick, and we got along...several years later, when she knew that she wouldn't be able to make it up again the next season (or ever), she gave my father her Fannie Farmer for me. It still has a bunch of book marks in it, some with shopping lists, some with her name, some with cryptic notes I can't decipher, all in the same, slanted hand. I actually use the book quite a bit, but I don't disturb the bookmarks. I sometimes puzzle over the marked pages, wondering which recipe she had marked... I also have my mother's copy of "The Complete American-Jewish Cookbook",1952. It has a separate section of Passover recipes. There are no pork recipes, naturally. Generally, the cookies and bread recipes are good. As for unique...I have an Ethiopian cookbook...the only one I've been able to find. "Exotic Ethiopian Cooking-Society, Culture, Hospitality, & Traditions. I've only made a couple of dishes out of it. I love Ethiopian food, and when I found out how much Nit'ir Qibe (purified herb & spice butter) is used in most of the dishes I love, I realized why I love them. For example, in dishes made from 1 pound of ground beef, it is not unusual that they contain a cup of butter. A typical lentil dish pairs 2 cups of lentils with 2 cups of butter. No wonder I love it!

I'm hoping for another book by Julia R. Fleming about the helicopter pilot turned Episcopal minister, with 'feelings' for her small town's chief of police. Dramatic, very human characters, *funny*, unpredictable. I liked Anne Perry's books set in England between the wars, but she began to repeat herself -- writing too much, too fast? DH and I ejoyed Silva's books featuring Gabriel Allon, but...eventually the character is running out of steam. Great plots! Martin Cruz Smith's Arkady Renko is another great character. ("Gorky Park", etc.) Love Sandford, Robert Crais, the late Donald Westlake. (So sad there will be no more from him.) S. J. Rozan! Her Chinese-American detective Lydia Chin and her 'friend'. ("The Coldest Place") Who is the author who writes about books and book sellers? Lives Minneapolis, I think. May I mention my modern favorite book, "City of Thieves"? A 'fairy tale', a mystery, reads like Dostoevski might have written it if he'd lived through WWII. Alan Furst -- "The Polish Officer", etc. Philip Kerr's character Bernie Gunther in the "Berlin Noir Trilogy" and more. (Another character who must eventually wind down...so sad.) Oh-oh, I've really stayed from the OP's request. Sorry, Susan.