I was debtfree for a long time. It is so much easier to just save and buy what you need (such as a car) than to pay a note. Not to mention the money you can keep in your pocket; interest is an unbelievable evil. I do want to keep doing houses, just not the ones that need gutting, that was Ed's idea. I am one of those people, according to my realtor, that can see the diamond in the rough and bring it out. She's amazed by what I do and I've been through more than one house with her. For instance, the current house was cute as a button but the bathroom was set up all wrong, and the rest of the house had no closets to speak of. I made up a floor plan that moved the bathroom to another area, then used the bathroom to create two closets. Then, when we put the bathroom in the mostrous kitchen, we moved it forward three feet and it has a walk-in pantry. It basically fixed all the problems the house had. Storage is a huge issue in older homes (at least it is in Nashville because we never made homes with cellars or basements), so I've learned the best ways to make the use of the floor space. I can see where a bit of paint can completely change the feel of the home to restore it back to what it was meant to be. Or add a pergola because the house is out of balance. It's easy to see for me, but it must not be something everyone can do, because even Ed would fight me (in the beginning) to do what I wanted done, and he'd fall in love with whatever I designed. At the end, he just deferred to what I thought. I'd love to remake houses, but it's going to take awhile. I know I won't rent them out though, that's way too hard.

I would not even consider suing the lawyer. I think he means well. He just came across as very degrading and even mentioned that I should use the "extra" money that I'm spending on my house for my children's education!! He has no idea what we are doing for my children's education. I add this just to demonstrate the way he is discussing this with me. I think that I'm going to insist on a different lawyer from the firm. I really liked the other person I had worked with there. Thank you for the advice. We do own the land but the builder worked with us to draw up the plans. We can leave and take them with us but there is a charge for them in that case. I'm just not sure at this point if we have time to get other bids. I'm not sure how that works. I do believe that he builds a far better then average quality house, that is why we chose him. perhaps I can get an estimator like renovator8 advises and ask for the OH&P (what is that?) I'm guessing overhead and something? I really appreciate all of your thoughts on this. thanks. oh and it is about 700K for 4000 sq. ft. in the northeast.

The idea of a double sink, I think, is that each side can be used for different tasks. Wash dishes in one, wash veggies in the other. Defrost meat in one, soak pots in the other. Etc. However, for me this is like saying two hands are better than one, because you can use one hand to rub your belly and the other to pat your head. It just isn't a common ''use case'', you see. In my so-called-life, a double sink always gets used as follows. Dirty dishes are piled in one side, and everything else gets done in the other. So, at the end of the day, it's like having a single sink plus a pile of dirty dishes. Now, dirty dishes are a fact of life, so maybe it's not the worst thing for them to have a snug, welcoming home. But I find that extending hospitality to detritus comes at a price, which is that the side of the sink that actually gets used is Just Too Small. Which is, too small to soak the half sheet pan that got black goober scorched all over it. Too small to wash two stockpots at once. Too small to bathe the new puppy. I would far prefer one Great Big Sink. You can always put a square plastic tub in it, should you ever really need a multi-chambered vessel. Better yet, a Great Big Sink and a Useful Little Sink somewhere else. Even better, my fantasy of a stainless steel darkroom sink, six feet long and two feet wide and only six inches deep, an endless counter that can be flooded with water and hosed down as needed. Add a deep end and a diving board, and Olympic Barbie has her swimming pool. On a perhaps more practical note, my friend has a sink I covet. It is a slab-built slate farmhouse sink extending all the way to the wall, with wall-mount faucet. Without taking up much counter width, it can swallow a half sheet pan with room to spare. Compared to a ''standard'' sink, she loses only the ledge of counter between sink and backsplash, which has to be the least useful part of a kitchen counter.

I am not so sure she is truly depressed...she has gone a week or more before she told her dad she needed her pills renewed. She is capable of dropping a prescription off and picking it up...i.e. she already had the prescription! ANd if she needed them that bad, she would have been on top of it. Se is almost 20 years old. Yes, she shows a lot of signs of depression, but I think mentally ill in other ways, is a possibility, or pathological liar...liar by omission? I agree with all that has been said above. A bit more background...she told my daughter that she flunked out her 1st year at school(away) because she was busy partying too much. As far as sticking he head in a hole, she is on the PC most of the time I presume and emerges for food from time to time. She turns her nights into days and days into nights. She has one good friend that I know of (her friend stayed her for about 3 weeks) and the others that she has brought around or we know of have different backgrounds. Let's just say they might be termed 'on the fringe' of society. She 'dated' some guy when she was 16 and still is friends with him...my SO calls him the jailbird...yes he was in jail for some juvenile stuff...not once but twice! I don't want to sound rude about some kid making mistakes (the jail guy) but she seems to surround herself with others that are off the beaten track. Her friend that stayed here was pleasant and has had a tough background. She is also grossly overweight, but has really had some tough things happen in her life...she's only 21. I like this girl and found myself putting my arms around her with tears in my eyes when I heard her story one evening. I am not a total meanie! I just guess I am at the end of my rope...I feel sorry for my SO. Regarding a plan and timeframe to move out....SO claims he gave her a time frame and that would have been in the past week. He even typed up a contract for her to sign. We never got to the signing part the evening that we talked to her as the conversation started to deteriorate. And, it was never picked up again, as far as I know. So we/he has had conversations with her. It's strange he cannot seem to raise his voice to her. Not that I think that is the solution, but I think she needs to know he means business...he is a very calm guy. It's great, but when you have to take a stand you have to at least sound firm and follow up all the time. He has asked me for my opinion many times, I have given him ideas and he has agreed with everything! But it seems so difficult for him to get tough with her...i.e. call her bluff. The last straw came when the junior college sent something home last Friday...another Withddrawn...this time it was by the school, reason...'stopped attending' class. So, if she really wanted to get that education and was struggling, there are so many avenues to turn to. Last semester she told us she dropped one of her courses because she didn't like the teacher and that the school encourages them to drop a class if the student doesn't like the teacher. Well, that was a new one. My 17 senior in HS laughed pretty hard at that one. It just seems that the lies keep coming. BTW, the house was purchased before her fall from grace the 1st year in college, so that is kind of a mute point. As far as depression and the divorce of her parents...she has suppported her dad in the divorce situation, at least outwardly...I don't think she got along too well with mom and prefers dad...now I know why...he is easy going and has probably not questioned her much up to this point. The high school question...she barely made it out of high school her senior year due to attendance. I remember ther mom calling dad pleading with him to come to the family home and make her go to school. I could hear all the drama going on over the phone. The daughter was sobbing about something and refused to go. Personally I would never have allowed my kid to go away to school and co-sign a student loan with that being her history. Dad has agreed no more school on his dime...she has already blown close to $1500 on courses that were paid and she will get no credit for...that just this year. Who knows about last year...dad doesn't either. That is what bothers me more than anything, that he thinks because she is 19 almost 20 she doesn't need to be monitored closely. She acts like a 10 year old with her lack of responsibility. A note on comparing her to my children, etc. It is the irony of life. Yesterday would have been my 21st wedding anniversay. The marriage was never an extremely happy one to begin with...he told my mom to shut up on our wedding night! Anyway, water under the bridge. He worked, made a good living and I was lucky enough to stay at home and raise the kids, while he pursued his career. As my daughter reached the teen years, she got extremely difficult to deal with.She's always had a sharp tongue for as long as I can remember. But once puberty hit, wow, it really got tough. Ex Husband would come home from work and he would side with the daughter. Right or wrong, I believe parents have to work together for the benefit of the child. You don't put down the parent in front of the child. You pull the parent aside and talk about what you don't agree with how they handled the situation. Again, ironically, this was the frosting on the cake and I couldn't take the marriage anymore. I was not a parent, but looked upon as some worker who lived in the house, or that's the way I felt. We nevwer seemed to be able to be partners and work together. I would never blame my daughter for the divorce, I blame the former spouse and myself for not dealing with issues reagarding her behavior, in the proper manner. Now, it is a differnt story. He calls me almost everyday and complains or vents about things that are bothering him about our daughter. I have nicely said, I wish you hsd seen these things before. Again, water under the bridge. Interestingly enough I have become a lot closer to my daughter since the divorce. Getting away from the husband has allowed me to deal with her more calmly and (most times) her with me! So, it is a great thing! She also had some extreme emotional issues about a year ago and is also on anti-deppresants, so I am not a stranger to mental illness. I also see how (at times) she uses that as a crutch and also see how she sometimes pits myself against her dad. I guess what I mean, when dad says no she comes to me and visa versa. Finally the ex and I are working together and agree on many issues with her and are working together to have a united stand. She is about to go off to school this fall and I am confidnet that she will do ok, but everytime something doesn't go her way she can't cave. Otherwise she will be home going to JC. Learning to become an adult is a process and you have to take the lumps with the joys of youth. Anyway, I see my daughter morphing into an adult...most days! Just dont see that with SO's daughter. Anyway, wanted all of you to know I have dealt with some of these issues with my own daughter. Back to the irony...I feel I am in the same boat now, someone's elses daughter, different issues, and seemingly no solutions with the father. Although my SO is totally respectful of me and my opinion. I also feel bad for him having to deal with this crap and cancer as well. I didn't mean to go on and on, but it feels good to get this off my chest. I sincerely appreciate all of your suggestions and agree with everyone...just have to figure out a way to get the ball rolling. Another aside, she is an animal lover and seems to have a bit of knowledge about the habits of animals, both domestic and wild. I have on more than one occasion mentioned that she should consider going into that field...vet's aid? But, she considers herself a singer, writer and artist. So, you can see her interests run into the arts but you have to learn the basic stuff also! Thanks to all who have read this far! I really appreciate the forum to just vent! Thanks again!