I have a 20 year old and a 17 year old. One strategy I've used for a lot of their lives is to make it easier or more appealing for them to do what I want them to do, and make it more difficult and less appealing for them to do the things I don't like. So I think what I'd do if this was my son would be to first charge him rent. I wouldn't tell him that I was saving it for him, but I'd save it for him to help him get into an apartment later. The second thing I'd do would be to have chores for him to do, lots of chores. As an adult part of the household now, it would be fair to expect him to pull his weight doing yard work, cooking, etc. Have him clean out the attic or garage, install a sprinkler system in your yard, or something like that. The third thing I'd do would be to stop giving him money (if you're doing that). Stop paying for car repairs, any personal expenses he can't afford, etc. I would want my son to see what life is really going to be like if he has to support himself forever in a low-paying, dead-end job. I'd couple those things together with perhaps some career counseling. I'd try to expose my son to various careers he might enjoy. For my kids it was and is very difficult to decide what they want to do with their lives - they are most familiar with careers like that of their parents, or careers like teaching, nursing, fire-fighting, etc. There are so many other careers my kids had no idea existed. Because you live in a small town, you may not have the options my kids had. But my son was able to intern with a local judge, my daughter is volunteering in a utilities department, etc. Is there any way your son can do some volunteer work or unpaid work in an area of interest, to get a feel for a possible career choice? Can he work part time unpaid as an apprentice at a trade that interests him? At least that way he could learn skills that would help him as an adult, even if they don't lead to a career path. Can he help do a Habitat for Humanities project or join a church mission trip that repairs houses, etc., and learn some skills? If you think his problem is lack of confidence, then perhaps you can help him get involved in something that boosts his confidence and helps him feel self-reliant. Maybe camping, or rock climbing, or some type of volunteer work for a very worthwhile cause. I would also look into AmeriCorps. I know a young man who didn't know what he wanted to do with his life and went into AmeriCorps after high school. He did a stint with AmeriCorps and then went into college, and that experience was very good for him. As a 19-year-old my son worked construction one very hot, humid summer down in a valley that trapped the heat. He spent a significant part of the time shoveling broken concrete. It changed his attitude about doing boring work in an air-conditioned office or classroom. He told me at the end of that summer that if ever he needed motivation to finish his engineering degree, he'd just remember that shovel and that was all the incentive he needed to never, ever have to do that kind of labor in the hot sun again. I hope it also gave him an appreciation and respect for the laborers all around the world who work so hard in unpleasant conditions to build our schools, roads, water treatment plants, etc. The military is an excellent career for some young men who don't have any direction in their lives. That may be an option for your son, too. I wouldn't let my son sleep late, lay around playing video games, and spend his money on movies and video games, etc. The young men I know who do that wind up disheartened, discouraged, with very little confidence. They don't have the motivation to get up and make something of their lives, but they aren't happy, either. Good luck with your son! This is a hard age for many kids - it's hard for some young men to focus on college when they don't have a clue what they want to do and can't see the usefulness of their education. It is discouraging for them, and some of them do need their parents to help them get a long term perspective on the importance of an education or learning a trade.

I just kept telling myself that this departure to college and growing independence was what I had worked for all these many years. This is being successful. This is working. This is what we all need. This is success..... It is hard, no doubt about it. But it is also exciting. So now start planning for an easy transition. Be sure he knows how to do laundry. At my university, all the freshman boys wore pink underwear. I would sit in the laundromat waiting for my laundry to finish, and every fall watch awe struck freshmen pull their pink underwear out of the washing machine along with the college red sweatshirt. All the school sweatshirts were red, and thus the pink underwear! Also, find some twin extra long sheets for him, and create a kit of laundry stuff and first aid stuff, including what he should take if he catches a bad cold or has an allergic reaction to the gunk in the air up there. Call the university and ask whose ATM is located ON their campus. Then open a joint banking account for him there early enough to receive his blank checks and ATM card before he leaves. He will be walking to campus and to classes in rain (and snow???) So be sure he has some kind of weather clothing in the way of shoes and an umbrella or rain coat. Assuming he will be living in a dorm and it is allowed, buy him one of those little refrigerators (unless his roommate is already bringing one). Send him up with a set of silverware and a plate and bowl and mug for feeding himself in his room. A cheap, tiny microwave might be good too. The dorm rooms seem to have only a bed or kitchen type chair you can sit on to study. Buy him one of those bed pillows that looks like the back of an easy chair with arms to help him snuggle in for study sessions. You can find them at Target, Sears, BB&B, etc. The day he leaves or the day before, mail him a care package of his favorite cookies and snacks so that it will arrive the day after you deposit him there. I always called my daughter on Sunday evenings. I heard about the weekend fun and about the school week ahead. I offered lots of dating and socializing input then, and hopefully it helped her adjust and stay on an even keel.

popi We are Christians and wanted a Christian education for our kids. What I have found out though is that many of kids at this school put themselves on a "I am a better Christian than you are" pedestal and judge very harshly students that don't follow their lead. My son is more outside of the box. He skateboards instead of playing football. Listens to harder rock "Christian" music than most and is does more his own thing. We are far from wealthy and don't run with they parents who are and who have seats on the board or contribute extra money to the school. My older daughter had the same experience and she left the school. She told me that the kids that got up on stage and professed their love for and commitment to Christ were the meanest, most two faced and hardest partying kids at the school. She never fit in either. I have a concern of being able to get him to school when the weather is bad since I will have to be driving SD10 to school if he goes else where. The drive to the school that we have chosen, should he go, is about 20 minutes without snow or ice. That is something that we have to discuss. My DH says that he will find those types of people at the other school and not like it there either. I agree that he will find those types of people there but since the school is much larger he probably won't be with them the entire day nor will the mold that he is expected to fit into be so strict. I want to meet with the principal and see what they have available to address his learning disabilities. I need to speak to his special ed teacher at his current school and get her honest opinion about it. I emailed her today but have not heard back from her. I will also talk to the super at his current school and let him know why my son would be leaving and that he should take a hard look at what is being learned there about being a Christian as apposed to what is being taught. I think it's a shame.

Steve, I feel your pain, except it's me going to vet school. I was accepted, but I have to apply for loans. The estimated family contribution that the fafsa calculates is ridiculous. It seems like it randomly generates numbers, I can't see how it excepts us to contribute what it says. Last year taxes, I made 15k (PT in school, FT after graduated), DH made 40k. I indicated that I would not be working, so down to 40k. No investments, $2700 in bank, and it figures we can afford $22009 per year. So I guess we pay the mortgage (already refinanced to pay for BS degree), food, health insurance, etc. on $18k. Where do they come up with these numbers? It's so frustrating. There are very few scholarships for post-BS education, so most people get Stafford loans, which is what I'll be doing. Just another vent, plus a warning to really save money for post bachelors degree education. We didn't have anything to start with as far as savings go, and now we will suffer. Nowadays, it seems like a BS or BA degree won't get you very far, almost always need a post-grad degree of some kind, but there are very few resources available to help pay for that kind of education. The 529 plan would have been very helpful to me if it had existed when I was working before I went back to school. To anyone who has the time to save for college- USE IT!