It sounds like you've got a project on your hands.

I'm remembering the first house I almost bought. Fifteen or so years ago, though it seems like yesterday, a coworker at my job in Ohio mentioned casually that his brother wanted to sell a house nearby. The brother lived in Texas, and had been renting out this urban house, with no supervision or maintenance whatsoever, for over 10 years. The place was a real pit -- roof leaking, plaster falling off the walls, backyard of oil-soaked gravel, but I was poor and hated my landlord. The thought of a place of my own was intoxicating. Somehow, my lack of tools or any substantial knowledge about houses are put together failed to quench my enthusiasm. I agreed to live in the house for free while the purchase arrangements were made. I had a crowbar, and began by bashing and prying all the plaster and lath off the walls of a second-floor bedroom... and there I got stuck. I had a room full of shockingly heavy, nail-riddled plaster chunks, no dumpster to put it in, no understanding of drywall and carpentry, no truck to transport materials and little money to buy either, very few tools and no internet to help me figure out what I didn't know. Ahh, those were the days. Looking back, it's amazing how clueless I was. The deal to buy the house fell through; it was bought, instead, by my co-worker, the seller's brother (who happened to have been a carpenter in a former life), to be rehabbed as a rental property. I lived there through a summer, working off my rent by helping the new owner with the rehab. The first thing we did was to build a plywood chute from the bedroom window, over the porch roof and into a dumpster we'd parked in the front yard. The broken plaster went out, new drywall came in and the transformation was magical. Then I learned to sweat copper, and proceeded to replumb whole house by myself. I learned quite a bit that summer.

I realize this isn't the most uplifting story, but I do empathize with your feeling that you might be in over your head. You will learn more than you can imagine. A local friend who understands basic construction will be invaluable. Ask lots and lots of questions. Figure out what is and isn't worth doing to this house, and figure out the right sequence of events. Don't get wrapped up in fixing windowsills if there's a chance you'll be taking down plaster. Don't pretend you can make the sort of rapid progress a seasoned remodeller could; you'll learn more by doing a small job carefully and well than by trying to bite off too much and doing it badly. Accept your ignorance, and chip away at it. Take care of yourself and your family in the meantime.

That's the trouble with modern residential real estate - it's so friggin' complicated you can't possible ascertain all there is to know about it just by walking through. People describe it as "a roof over our head" but then we expect so much more...

From your description, it doesn't sound like any major problems - just more cosmetic stuff that you didn't notice. I think people who live in old houses mostly just get used to such things (I remember hearing my cousins joking about having to prop up one side of their plates to keep the gravy on them).

We all get overwhelmed by the work of improvements. I try to take one thing at a time, just enjoying the small improvements as they are made rather than despairing for all the undone ones that need doing. It's the only way to keep your sanity.

I don't know what you should say to your husband. Unless you can afford to keep renting without causing financial ruin, he's going to have to come around. You can't take real estate back for a refund.

We moved from a brand new condo to a 1970's colonial 2 years ago (we wanted a yard and more space). We weren't used to the disgusting old windows, wallpaper everywhere (even the ceilings), broken baseboard heaters, uneven floors, outdated bathrooms and stinky basement. Nothing major, but a lot of cosmetic work was needed. Before we moved in we, had the floors refinished, wallpaper removed and the entire interior painted. Then we moved in and made a long list of all the things we wanted changed and an estimate on each items cost. We prioritized and we slowly have made improvements. I wish I had the $$$ to do it all, but you get used to your home's imperfections. I still love my house. My husband and I enjoy working on it together. It gives us an endless topic of conversation. Enjoy your new home and you'll be so happy with each improvement.

I've lived in at least a couple of houses that were being remodeled or upgraded. It really isn't that hard, if I were you, I would just push for moving in before everything is fixed up and work through your projects. Each project you do leaves your house nicer, whether you're doing it yourself, or having a contractor do some or all of it. And you appreciate it so much more if you've lived with it not being so nice (*smile*).

The only other choices that you have are to live elsewhere while your house is being worked on (very expensive, essentially 2 mortgages plus the cost of improvements), or selling the house at this point (pretty large losses in a market like we have now, closing costs, realtor fees coming and going, etc.).

Maybe when your husband faces the financial realities of your position, his mind will change. I expect so. The trick to living in a house like you've described is to visualize it as it will be, not as it is...Who knows, he might even learn to enjoy the process, and become more of a do-it-yourselfer when he sees the benefits and tries a few things.

-Roger

Many years ago I started out buying and living in houses while I restored/rebuilt/remodeled/updated them.
I no longer have to live in them, and often sell promptly after the work is done (though I have held a few).

Make a list of the problems and prioritize them.
In many cases if you are living in the house, one room at a time becomes the only good method, even if it is not as convenient for getting things done.

Sometimes a quick cosmetic repair (new paint say) is worth the trouble to make a house 'livable' even if you will be doing major work on the same room later.

New paint 'hides' many otherwise annoying problems.

melissa -- You've got to show these folks the photos.

I was thinking about this "going ahead and painting" idea since the damage on the walls is oppressive and the broken door sills, etc. drive me crazy, but it feels extravagant to do things that might end up being redone. It's hard not to get caught up in the trap of thinking, "well X should really precede Y, and W should really precede X," etc. until you've got a huge stack of sequenced tasks that are going to take two years to get done, and you don't know at what point the money will run out! For example, today I went to the village building department to find out if I could at least start fixing the bad wall in the detached garage, but it turns out that to even get a permit to fix a wall in the garage I will need an architect's drawing, and thus maybe it makes sense to wait until we have an architect do a plan for the entire house. We talked to an architect today and he said it would take four months (!) to get drawings, then another two to three months of going through zoning variance board meetings, planning board meetings, and architectural review board meetings. Sheesh! That's potentially seven months before any real work even starts! Does this sound normal??

I also wanted to put about ten feet of 3' high fencing just at the entrance to the patio area to keep the dog from running off, but this requires a sketch on the survey and a permit, and proof of $1 million in contractor's insurance. I was going to do the work myself, but the insurance thing sounds like such a bother that maybe it's easier to have a contractor do it, but then that stacks the fencing up in the architect -> permits -> contractor sequence. It's exasperating.

-Melissa

Welcome to the club :)

We've gone thru 3 fix-it houses, and it never gets any easier or non-scary.

The worst part is the first walk thru after you've bought the place. When it's completely empty and you've signed the papers, you'll all of a sudden notice the dings, scars, rattiness, oldness, and smells of an older home.

Take it slowly, sounds like most of what you have to deal with is cosmetic. However, if your husband doesn't want to really live in it until it looks "pretty"...you've might have a problem! If you've got the funds to renovate it entirely before moving in, you're set. If you don't, he's going to have to live with the slow uphill grind of renovating a house while you live in it.

If that's the case, take it a room or a day at a time. Don't panic and start tearing things out willy-nilly. Move your stuff in, sit down, live with the house for several months until you get a feel for what you need to tackle first. Make lists, timelines, look at budgets. You'll figure it out soon enough.

Good luck!